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Original poster

Nasty discovery **horrible topic**

78 replies

NotTakenUsername · 14/06/2018 15:31

We have a regular visitor to our house. 7 years old. I’ve had a suspicion it was him for a while but today I knew for sure it was him.

He uses the bathroom, doesn’t wipe, doesn’t flush and, I assume if tearing off paper or pressing a button is too much effort, doesn’t wash his hands either.

So today circumstances meant I knew for a fact it was him and I pulled him up on it. I told him to go and flush and wash his hands. I was quite stern, and told him very clearly that if he is using the toilet he is to wipe, flush and wash his hands every time. I told him it was very unpleasant for someone to come and find that when they want to use the toilet, and unhygienic not to wipe or wash up afterwards.

Was I out of line? He is a guest but he is also a regular guest, and a child who deserves to learn how to behave appropriately. I feel a bit bad, but it is so horrible and I think by 7 he should know better.

OP posts:
Pp3000 · 14/06/2018 15:33

🤢🤢🤢🤢

You were absolutely not out of line!

LanaorAna2 · 14/06/2018 15:34

Good for you, you've done him a favour. Be nice now, though.

KirstenRaymonde · 14/06/2018 15:36

I’d be concerned that no-ones taught him to do this?

Original poster
NotTakenUsername · 14/06/2018 15:36

I was nice again right after. But he was obviously embarrassed. I’m annoyed at myself because my stern response was much more because I was so turned by it, than a measured response.

OP posts:
upsideup · 14/06/2018 15:38

I would have told his parents first and let them deal with it

MargoLovebutter · 14/06/2018 15:39

That's quite harsh for a guest. I wouldn't have done it that way.

I'd have said to all the children when they were together "guys don't forget to flush the loo & wash your hands after you've finished" so that I wasn't singling out someone else's child. If that failed, I'd do a reminder the next time and then I'd have a quiet word saying that the rules in this house for everyone are to flush and wash hands. I wouldn't have given any speech on hygiene and unpleasantness.

lifechangesforever · 14/06/2018 15:40

Our nephew once came to stay and he urinated all over the toilet seat and even on the floor - the mess and the stench was unbelievable. He wasn't 7 though, he was 15. I told his grandparents (who were looking after him at the time) and let them deal with it.

I would also be concerned about why he hasn't been taught this already. Not to mention that he himself must smell after and his underwear be a mess?

Original poster
NotTakenUsername · 14/06/2018 15:40

See, if someone spoke to me about that with my child I would wonder why they didn’t just deal with it at the time.
However, I’d be mortified if Dd thought that was an appropriate way to use the bathroom and leave it for the next person. Envy

OP posts:
Original poster
NotTakenUsername · 14/06/2018 15:44

MargoLovebutter I have done the communal “how to use bathroom” more than once regularly. I do think singling him out was necessary to stop the behaviour - I think he didn’t realise his behaviour is not anonymous if you see what I mean?
Actually from the other posts I’m not sorry I spoke sternly. It is disgusting, and it is better he learns at 7 than 17 or 27 or becomes one of those disgusting husbands we read about on the relationships board.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 14/06/2018 15:46

At 7 years old I imagine we all done things like this tbh. The child is 7 and sometimes children can be lazy.

I certainly wouldn't of given him a stern talking to over it his only 7 and he didn’t poo on the floor. I would of spoke to all the dc together and said “look children when we use the toilet we must remember to flush the toilet and wash our hands”

Landed · 14/06/2018 15:50

I would not have dealt with him so harshly. You are the adult and had the opportunity to teach him and bring it to the attention of his parent(s). I would be concerned if he did not know better and if it was just shear laziness or rushing to get back to the fun, that he needs to be aware that you can't do such things.

ajandjjmum · 14/06/2018 15:53

I think you were spot on.

colditz · 14/06/2018 15:54

Well, it probably won't be a problem again, whether your berating him works to stop him or whether he merely refuses to come back.

Jammycustard · 14/06/2018 15:54

I think you were right if you’ve done the blanket statement first.

Lweji · 14/06/2018 15:55

Surely if his parents allow him to go there, you're in charge as a teacher or child minder would.
Make sure he follows your rules in your home. And if that includes teaching him basic rules of hygiene, then be it.

Hissy · 14/06/2018 15:55

this is sadly quite common... you have not done anything wrong in pulling him up on this OP, but if you think that ONE occasion will resolve the situation, you are sadly mistaken.

If by some miracle you are able to get this 7 yo to flush, clean up and wash his hands let me know? I could hire you out to other mums of boys

Quartz2208 · 14/06/2018 15:56

whilst correct I think you were both a little OTT in delivery and frankly in your choice of title - since when is going to the toilet such a horrible topic?

StormTreader · 14/06/2018 15:57

I think sometimes small children think "they don't know who it was, I'll just keep doing it and maybe they'll never work it out."

The OP has already done the "now everyone, this is what we do" speech and it's continued. At that point I think you are forced to say "I know it's you Pete so I'm going to leave you in no doubt now that I know and that it will stop".

frogsoup · 14/06/2018 15:57

He's SEVEN! Usually my kids remember but occasionally they forget. It's not ideal, but hey, in the grand scheme of things...

Also 'horrible topic' warnings on here tend to be used for genuinely distressing content - you know, murder, kidnap, death, abuse, that kind of thing. Forgetting to flush the loo and wash your hands really doesn't qualify under any reasonable definition Confused.

Original poster
NotTakenUsername · 14/06/2018 15:58

Quartz2208 I just didn’t want someone maybe enjoying a nice big slice of chocolate cake and a coffee to accidentally click through! Not something I’d like to read about whilst eating.

OP posts:
Coffeeisyourfriend · 14/06/2018 15:58

I definitely would have said what you said OP.
I have a 10yo DSS who still for some reason struggles to not piss on my bathroom floor and it drives me insane, I make him clean it up himself every time it happens and tell him to pay attention when using the bathroom (i.e stop taking your bloody phone in there or have a sit down wee instead if your aims that bad!)

Fishyfingers · 14/06/2018 16:00

op you sound very immature. you dealt with it like a teenager not a warm caring parent. yes its unhygienic but that that was mean. i hope he doesnt visit you anymore.

upsideup · 14/06/2018 16:03

Are you a childminder? Or are these children relatives or your kids friends?

Original poster
NotTakenUsername · 14/06/2018 16:05

He will continue to visit. We have a very good relationship and my house is a lovely place to be. I’m human and I reacted a bit more knee-jerked than I would have liked.

He knew he was in the wrong, that’s why he was embarrassed and not confused.

I haven’t drawn out the issue, he apologised, I thanked him for cleaning up and the moment has very much passed.

It’s because I’m not a horrible person that I even wanted to dissect the issue and work out what I could have done better in case this issue, or similar arises again. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
SinceWhenDid · 14/06/2018 16:05

I expected it to be a bit more horrible than this 😄

I have a 7 year old. Occasionally he doesn't flush. Who knows if he was in a hurry he might skip washing hands or even wiping but I hope not!

I wouldn't mind at all if the adult looking after him had a stern word if he did the above.

Come to think if it my 7 year old is at someone's house now where he is a regular guest...Shock