Nasty discovery **horrible topic**

[NotTakenUsername]

We have a regular visitor to our house. 7 years old. I’ve had a suspicion it was him for a while but today I knew for sure it was him.

He uses the bathroom, doesn’t wipe, doesn’t flush and, I assume if tearing off paper or pressing a button is too much effort, doesn’t wash his hands either.

So today circumstances meant I knew for a fact it was him and I pulled him up on it. I told him to go and flush and wash his hands. I was quite stern, and told him very clearly that if he is using the toilet he is to wipe, flush and wash his hands every time. I told him it was very unpleasant for someone to come and find that when they want to use the toilet, and unhygienic not to wipe or wash up afterwards.

Was I out of line? He is a guest but he is also a regular guest, and a child who deserves to learn how to behave appropriately. I feel a bit bad, but it is so horrible and I think by 7 he should know better.

It’s an ongoing thing, a few of us self employed mums help each other out with after school childcare here and there. It certainly doesn’t happen every time he comes, but often enough for it to be apparent it is him.

I work with kids and have to do this sometimes. About a year ago a girl popped into see me whilst she was home from uni - I worked with her about 10 years ago. Right at the end of our little catch up she reached over and hugged me really tight and said "thank you for telling me what to do to be normal when I was little"
She meant telling her to wash her hands, brush her teeth, use a tissue not her sleeve, flush the loo etc.

If no one has already taught this boy this, you have helped him.

you did it privately, rather than in front of his friends - i don't think it's uncommon at 7 though, but I do think talking to him directly was no bad thing as the general warnings do go over their heads. My DD's toilet habits have declined since she's been at school as so many kids don't bother.

Not wiping is not ok at that age really. If the flush is stiff, that could be why they didn't flush.

I reckon you were spot on. You've taught him a lesson that he needed. To not already know to do that at 7 is grim.

This has brought back a memory from the dim and distant past for me. My dad always used to complain that my sister and I didn’t wipe or flush the toilet - and I was always very confused and embarrassed because I had wiped, flushed and washed hands etc. The problem was I didn’t know to hold the flush down for longer and to check that the bowl was empty, so only the paper was flushing away. I was a fairly absent minded child, but not a disgusting one.

Perhaps something similar could be happening to your guest op?

it could be the boy doesn't do it at home, but has gotten into the habit because of school, he definitely needed to be talked to. It's surprising what they sometimes don't realise is not ok.

My DD is 7 and she still doesn't understand that not brushing your teeth in the morning & going to school is grim and has to be reminded.

My dd does this. She doesn't like the sound of the flush and gets scared in the toilet. I think it was a bit harsh.

Bit ott if you ask me. Dd is 7 and I just prompt her "flush please"
Or "hands" she's just litttle and In a rush to get to her next thing.

OP I think you did the right thing. Hopefully, his mum will be really pleased that he's miraculously stopped doing this at home as well as at you house.

We've tried little pictures on the wall in the bathroom used as a checklist, showing sitting down, wiping, flushing, washing hands, turning tap off, not leaving towel on the floor.

We've had many talks about germs.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth That is a really practical suggestion, thank you.

Better that you had a discreet word at 7 years old than the siblings having a go at the new boyfriend at 17 years old, which happened regularly in our house!

Quite a hyperbolic title OP... !

Surely this is absolutely fine? If you trust somebody to have your kid at their house, you trust their judgement on a telling off. Stern is necessary sometimes, especially if you went back to being nice. i wouldn't give it another thought!

That's fine to tell him directly. My dd is 6 and she sometimes forgets any of the above even at home - I imagine it's worse in other places. As a parent I'd want to be told too so I could repeat the message and keep an eye on it . She has ASD so gets distracted from tasks very easily - my 4yo is much more consistent with routines.

Maybe his parents have told him and he ignores them. Coming from you probably made a difference.

Seriously? You humiliated a SEVEN year old, because he didn't flush the loo?

Perspective ! She told him off for leaving her loo in a state

Repeatedly

I'd have done the same. In fact I frequently have done with DSS. It takes more than one go though. More like 20. We seem to have cracked it at 9.

If anyone wants to come round to shame/humiliate my DS into putting seat down, flushing, lights off, door closed, you're ALL more than welcome. I've told him until i'm hoarse...

My 6, almost 7 year old is pretty good at flushing and washing hands etc.. at home, where it's routine - but in other settings he often gets confused about how the different flushes work and may well not flush. I can also imagine that at friends houses and new places he would likely get distracted by having too much fun to always remember to flush/wash hands. He's a lovely boy and would be upset if told off firmly for this. A gentle reminder would be kinder.

Nah, good for you. He needs to wash his hands or he'll end up with threadworms one day. You have done him a favour.

I think you were just right.

You were absolutely right. Not unkind but firm.

Going by the state of secondary school toilets, OP, you've done everybody a favour, as far too many parents obviously don't teach their children to ensure their waste goes inside the toilet, gets flushed away and then hands are washed.

They can't all be scared of the thing by that age.