Nasty discovery **horrible topic**

[NotTakenUsername]

We have a regular visitor to our house. 7 years old. I’ve had a suspicion it was him for a while but today I knew for sure it was him.

He uses the bathroom, doesn’t wipe, doesn’t flush and, I assume if tearing off paper or pressing a button is too much effort, doesn’t wash his hands either.

So today circumstances meant I knew for a fact it was him and I pulled him up on it. I told him to go and flush and wash his hands. I was quite stern, and told him very clearly that if he is using the toilet he is to wipe, flush and wash his hands every time. I told him it was very unpleasant for someone to come and find that when they want to use the toilet, and unhygienic not to wipe or wash up afterwards.

Was I out of line? He is a guest but he is also a regular guest, and a child who deserves to learn how to behave appropriately. I feel a bit bad, but it is so horrible and I think by 7 he should know better.

I would have done the same op, you can't assume that the parents would be as disgusted as most people would and actually deal/teach the child properly.
How do you get to seven and not know these things, by the sounds of things this isn't a isolated incident either.

One of my DC is a lazy vulgar sod. Not the other DC, just the one. Fine what OP said, but don't assume you know what it means about anything else in his life.

Bumworm superhighway alert.

DEFINITELY needed a word.

SinceWhenDid

(Also I said “horrible topic” in the title because I didn’t want to be accused of being the poo troll, but I did want opinions.)

When I was a kid, I was terrified of the toilet flush. So much noise. I used to just slink out without flushing hoping no one would notice. I think going to the loo on your own, especially in someone else's house, can be frightening. Fair enough to tell him off a bit but he's just a kid.

Console yourself with the fact that at least if he wasn't wiping or pressing the flush button, his hands would have remained relatively clean.

Btw I don't think you sounded too harsh, it's not like you singled him out after the first incident,

cholka I was the same, especially on an aeroplane. I would do everything first, then press the flush with a bit of paper on my hand, chuck in, lid down and run!

That’s a really good point, thank you. If this hasn’t changed things I’ll have a quiet word with him and ask him if that is an issue.

Aw, you were right to say something, but that's a rather unkind way of doing it with a 7 year old. They're only little - maybe he doesn't get reminded at home, or is muddled if your flush is different to him at home, etc etc etc.

Of course you don't want to have to deal with leftover poo, but to me, that's not at all a nice way to treat a small person visiting your house. He probably felt mortified.

It's OK I don't think you're my MIL somehow 😂

I'm at my wits end with my son who does this (and he's almost 7). No amount of telling him seems to work.

Oh, bravo. You embarrassed a 7 year old. Do you feel all snuggly inside, OP?

I always call my dc for dinner and they automatically go and wash hands before coming (which I allow for in my timing). Dc are 10 and 6. If they have friends over I regularly hear the conversation "what are you doing?" "Washing my hands before dinner." "Why?" Apparently my dc are unusual for doing this

Major overreaction, OP.

Evidently not BananaToffo. But it was an issue that arose (an ongoing issue), and I had to deal with it either proactively or by ignoring it. By my own admission I was a bit knee jerk, and I don’t think anything I’ve said implys I’m feeling snuggly inside.

I did wonder what could be that bad in the etiquette topic. Calling a napkin a serviette? Referring to The Duchess of Sussex as Meghan Markle off Suits?

Your title needs to be scaled waaaay back.
I was relieved to read it was just about a 7 year old with grubby toilet habits, tbh. This is not a horrible topic.
I think you should ask MN to edit the title.

Maybe a little bit overblown OP, being seven is hard work and I agree with others that a sort of collective can everyone remember to flush and wash their hands would have been kinder.

TheVanguardSix

I wanted to invent an automatic device that was triggered by DS going within 3 m of the bathroom

Seat down
Flush
was hands
light off
close door

every. fucking. time

By all means bollock him - ask his parent if he's the same at home and carry on telling him off.

@BrutusMcDogface

If telling him doesn't work or asking him and he says he has flushed, wiped, washed his hands etc. wait until he's finished and say you need to check the bathroom's clean, take him in with you, if he's not flushed, watch while he does it, then make him wash his hands.
He'll not want supervised loo visits, so should cotton on pretty quickly how to make it stop

Ages ago dd was at Brownies and it was a night where they made food for parents. Clean hands iced the cakes and poured the squash, then they went into the hall to play. Several of the games were sitting on the wooden floor, crawling on it on all fours. typical church hall old floorboards that were only ever swept "clean". Their leader never asked them to wash their hands when the parents arrived and they plated-up slices of cake and passed drinks with hands filthy from playing on the floor.

It is unfortunate that he seems to take a dump so regularly at your house, that you've actually noticed it is him not wiping and flushing. How often is he there and for how long?

Threadworm for dirty toilet habits like that is rife and can affect the whole household. My kids kept getting it from school, year after year into their teens! You were right to be stern.

Yeah I wouldn't have been stern and embarrassed a seven year old who wasn't mine for what, leaving a poo in the toilet? Cmon if you've kids there are worse things. Your reaction seems a bit extreme.

I'd have spoken to thr parent or I'd have gently taken him to one side in private and explained that we flushed the loo after going in this house and used the paper to wipe and asked if he was ok with that or had any concerns.

I don't think a telling off and embarrassing him is ok, not the first time you raise it. Teaching him is better. Assuming he does it because he's lazy isn't very pleasant either.

So no I don't think you did the right thing. I think you handled it badly.

This thread has made me somewhat relieved that I'm not the only parent of a small boy with disgusting toilet habits.

After years of muttering under my breath whenever I discover a toilet seat left up, I'm now experiencing the opposite! My boys just can't be bothered to lift the seat and consequently end up weeing all over it. They just about wash their hands, but I am so sick of cleaning wee off seats (the floor, wall...)