Friends have booked a restaurant we can't afford

[Neonn]

We've been planning to go out with another couple for a joint birthday celebration for a while now. We had discussed a few places and they have just text to say "that's XYZ restaurant booked for Saturday at 6.30."

This would normally be fine.

However, we just cannot afford it. It's not extortionate but it's slightly more expensive than the places we had been discussing.

I don't know what to do? Do we just go and order the cheapest thing/ don't drink?

I really don't want to tell them the real reason as I know they'll just offer to pay for the whole thing and that would make me uncomfortable.

That’s a bit presumptuous of them to just book it. Just text back “We’d really rather go to x or y”

Just be honest, if they’re good friends they’ll understand both that you can’t afford and don’t want them to pay

If you order the cheapest thing you will be worse off because I can guarantee it will be a bill split!

Other than being totally upfront and honest and admitting it is out of your price range I can't offer any other advice I am afraid.

This happened to me. All the parents from school went to a local, over-priced restaurant while the kids were at an event. There were 10 affluent couples and me - struggling single parent. I had tap water and a starter. It cost me £43

Personally I’d just make cut backs elsewhere that week. No way would I tell them I couldn’t afford it after they’d already booked. Meals out are expensive anyway even cheap places so the gap can’t be that big.

@MaiaRindell that's awful, was it a bill split?

Agh I know I should just be honest. It's just embarrassing

They'd probably be horrified if they thought they had forced you and you won't feel.comfortable all.night. I would rather someone told me. They can go to xyz another time

A little white lie such as "You're joking!! So funny, as I've booked ...... for the same time!!! Do you mind if we go there as I'm looking forward to the ...."

I've been in your shoes!

The thing NOT to do - which is what I did - is to avoid having the conversation about money. It might sound all kinds of embarrassing to do it, but it's much worse to sit there and have a shitty evening because you're worried about money the whole time. Just say "I'm really sorry, money is tight right now and we can't really afford that place. I wouldn't feel comfortable about you paying the whole bill either, so please don't suggest that! Could we please go somewhere a bit cheaper - restaurant X, for instance?" Any decent friend will be full of understanding!

I would just say - can we go somewhere a bit cheaper. Surely friends should be able to say this to each other?

say im so sorry to be a pain, but i cant actually afford that one. The other one was already pushing my budget out. Is there any chance we can rebook somewhere otherwise im not going to be able to make it

Have they booked a different restaurant to the ones you talked about?

If so, I'd ask them why they booked restaurant X, when you were talking about restaurants A, B or C.

You could claim that you don't like it for some reason unrelated to cost.

But if it's only slightly more expensive than the other ones and you would like to go there, you could try and make cut backs this week to free up the extra money to pay for it - eat the food in your cupboards and freezer instead of buying more, sell something you don't need, or eat really cheaply at home this week - beans on toast and omelettes etc.

Just say ‘Oh, sorry, would you mind cancelling that booking? I’ve just booked x restaurant for 7pm (as we can’t get there any earlier) and it’s Tim’s favourite & I said I’d book it for his/my birthday. Hope that’s ok with you both’.

Just say ‘sorry, we are a bit skint at moment due to redecorating/car needed some work/whatever excuse works - would you mind if we went somewhere a bit cheaper?’ - simple!

"You're joking! At those prices? No, let's stick to A/B as we discussed."

I would have no compunction whatsoever in saying that I couldn't afford it. But then, it does seem as if I've been saying that for years - husband in full time education, me a sole earner on a below average salary. So I quite often have to pull out of outings that our more affluent pals want to go on!

Also If you don't want them to pay for the whole thing, just tell them that - say you'd rather pay your way, but that you have a certain budget.

£63 a main course and sparkling water cost me when I went out with rich people. £47 again the other week for a main course and shared starter, tap water. I hate splitting bills as a non drinking vegetarian...

“That’s a great suggestion and we’d love to try it one day but I’m afraid we just can’t justify that expense right now due to XYZ. Could we change back to ABC restaurant like we discussed and keep DEF for another time? Really looking forward to celebrating with you guys!”

If they offer to pay, you just thank them for the kind offer but you’d prefer to pay your own way

But @maia and @mountains, why split bills? Paying £43 for water and a starter is insane.

Just say to begin with that you'll just pay for what you eat. You're not there to subsidise other people.

Just tell them.if you were my friend id far rather you'd tell me. Silly to make daft excuses or drop out when it's so easily solved.

Seriously get over it and just tell the truth! These are your friends not strangers. They will understand

Mountain and Maia.

Sorry but I would refuse to split the bill in those circumstances. If I was having one course and one drink to save money, I wouldn't then completely fail to achieve that objective by paying 2 or 3 times what my food had cost, especially if it was because I needed to spend less. If I can afford to go out if I have a main and one drink and pay for a main and one drink (plus tip obviously) that's what I will do.

People who expect those who ate less to pay towards their bigger spend because they can't be arsed to roughly total up what they spent are cheeky fuckers.

I have a slightly similar issue.

I have got together a group of 6 middle-aged laydeez, ex- of work (all have worked where I work at some stage, all have some connection with each other, we all do more or less the same HCP job), so we could keep in touch and have a gossip.

Our first get together was at a mid-price restaurant, salads £9.50, wine at £7 a glass type place which I thought was a tad pricey; I arranged the second one - at Turtle Bay , coming up soon; but the next one after that (every 3 months or so?) is due to be at a new 'signature' place with mains at £25 plus.

Of the six of us, I'd say only 2 will be financially comfortable with this (married well...); 2 will pretend to be happy; one will consider it daylight robbery!

Personally, tho I can afford it, I would much rather go to Zizzi's for 3 wines, a salad, a lasagne and a gossip and save The Big Ticket restaurant for an intimate meal with DH.

Don't go and just make it eating the cheapest thing you can find and drinking tap water, then paying for your own only, it's not going to be a good evening for any of you.

Just be honest. Say you're on a budget this month and you would prefer x place, and you'll book.