Dear Mums out there
Can you please help? I am a mother of 3 beautiful tinkers and lived in London for the past 20 years.
My manipulative narcissistic banker husband has decided to divorce me and I am having a huge problem; he doesn’t think that after 20 years I deserve a home, I am terrified and being outsmarted.
This is the story.
A few years ago my extremely well paid husband sold our flat and insisted we rent, he has then proceeded to spend every penny he has ever earnt – and more, debt collectors are not uncommon. I thought he had some spending disease but now I’m wondering if he is making himself poor so that I am forced to accept a tiny settlement.
Is there any way to stop him spending?
We have no assets, no house and he is spending money like no tomorrow.
He does pay maintenance but he messes around with this if he wants to annoy or punish me. He insists I get a job (which I would dearly love) but I am 45 and have been shocked how hard it is. I apply for jobs almost everyday. I am sure you would understand that not working for 15 years looking after your kids, people look at your CV and goes wow “NO”. In addition, he still expects me to do all the childcare, so it’s proving tough.
Despite spending – in five months – believe me - £30,000 on furniture, expensive dinners and Ubers, he says I am not permitted to use a lawyer and has refused to pay my lawyers’ fees. He on the other hand has the most expensive lawyers (rottweilers of divorce) . I am also not allowed to have any say over the children’s choice of school, whether they do an activity or not, my middle son is distressed and depressed. He has taught my 6 year old daughter to call me ‘the cow’.
So what I would like to know is how do I stop him from spending all this money. How can I get a roof – nothing fancy – over our heads that is in my name. I want independence from his trickery. One of his friends suggested he would buy me a flat but it would be in his name, so I would continually have to say/do what he wants when he wants it. He continually stalks me and shouts and me and I just want a fair settlement after 20 years and to be able to move on. He, of course, already has a girl-friend.
My lawyers are shocked there are no assets and don’t really know how to proceed because he is so aggressive, they think we should keep him happy – but he is never happy. I just know that as soon as I sign a terrible deal, he will move on and suddenly have lots of cash.
If anyone has any advice, I would be immensely grateful, but I hope no one else has been in this situation.