40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very friendly person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
- Yes = No
- No = Yes
- Maybe = No
- We need = I want
- I am sorry = you'll be sorry
- We need to talk = you're in trouble
- Sure, go ahead = you better not
- Do what you want = you will pay for this later
- I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
- You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
- I am hungry = I am hungry
- I am sleepy = I am sleepy
- I am tired = I am tired
- Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
- I love you = let's have sex now
- I am bored = do you want to have sex?
- May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
- Can I call you sometime? = I'd like
to have sex with you
- Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
-
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
-
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces
attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with
rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol
and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump
shoved up his ass.