Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Forced to take polygraph by my husband

69 replies

Smithm59 · 29/04/2018 17:15

Well last Friday my husband forced me to take a lie detector test as he is convinced I cheated on him when away on a business trip. I have been with him for 32 years and married for 26. I have never had another sexual partner.
I passed the test and he is now very sorry but I am heartbroken that he could do this to me. I feel like I have been assaulted.
I don't think there is any going back from this.

OP posts:
travailtotravel · 29/04/2018 17:21

No. If the trust is gone, it's gone. He sounds very controlling. I think it's time to look at next steps - if you feel tgat counselling could help him, insist he takes it. Otherwise I'm afraid d be thinking about leaving.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/04/2018 17:21

That's awful. How did he force you - has he threatened you?
Not surprised you feel like you've been assaulted, it's like a violation of your integrity.
What would he have done if you hadn't " passed"?
I can't really see how you can continue with him, and I guess there's a massive backstory , I bet this behaviour isn't a one off. It actually sounds quite scary, hope you are safe.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 29/04/2018 17:23

He has jealousy issues. XH was like this. At least yours isn't nearly losing you your job, ringing you at work and accusing you of sleeping with your manager.

Figgygal · 29/04/2018 17:25

How did he force you?
But yes that would be it for me he doesnt trust you or respect you

Aprilmightbemynewname · 29/04/2018 17:25

Maybe he should take one too. Was he projecting his guilt I wonder?

HollowTalk · 29/04/2018 17:25

How on earth did you get someone to take a polygraph test for you?

JennyOnAPlate · 29/04/2018 17:27

I think chances are that he's cheated on you. Either way the trust obviously isn't there and you should ltb. He went way over the top.

I didn't know lie detectors were an actual thing apart from on Jeremy Kyle.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 29/04/2018 17:27

There is no going back now.

Plan your exit, he sounds mentally deranged!!! Is it even true though? How did he get hold of a polygraph, is he a former spy?

Almondsupreme · 29/04/2018 17:29

From reading only the title I would say leave. Having read the post, same opinion

Original poster
Smithm59 · 29/04/2018 17:29

This has been going on for years but is escalating. If I had refused to take the test he would have said I was guilty and tortured me say all kinds of stuff to me. I lost a job years ago because he thought I was having an affair with the guy who booked us nurses through the agency. I feel broken and he just goes around as if nothing has happened

OP posts:
Smallhorse · 29/04/2018 17:30

Maybe he posted on mumsnet and was given the oft trotted out nonsense advice to “trust your instincts” ?

KnittinKitten · 29/04/2018 17:30

Suspect guilt paranoia at play here.

Regardless, I wouldn’t stay with him long enough to find out.

Original poster
Smithm59 · 29/04/2018 17:31

There are companies set up now that do lie detector tests. I couldn't believe it myself but it is big business

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 29/04/2018 17:31

If you feel broken because of a relationship, it's time to get out.

pigeondujour · 29/04/2018 17:32

At least yours isn't nearly losing you your job, ringing you at work and accusing you of sleeping with your manager.

Hmm yeah OP, lucky you.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/04/2018 17:36

I know you've been with him a long time, but from what you say its getting worse, not better. It sounds as if you are scared of him. How can we help you get out?

Original poster
Smithm59 · 29/04/2018 17:36

I am afraid that the next thing he will do is loss me my job. He hates the company I work for. I have a Brilliant job now and no longer need to rely on him for cash

OP posts:
DinahMo · 29/04/2018 17:37

What? That is proper bonkers. How on earth did he force you? Wasn’t your initial reaction just to laugh in his face and assume he was joking? Who even has a lie detector? Is your husband Jeremy Kyle?

Anyway it’d be a bye-bye from me. But then I can’t imagine me ever agreeing to take a lie detector test. And if I was forced to (assuming physical threats here) then that’d be a relationship ender in itself.

Crispbutty · 29/04/2018 17:39

“ am afraid that the next thing he will do is loss me my job. He hates the company I work for. I have a Brilliant job now and no longer need to rely on him for cash”

It’s him you need to lose. Not the job. He sounds vile. Get rid of him. You can’t live like this.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 29/04/2018 17:42

He’s sabotaging you. This is abuse and you need to get away.

chinam · 29/04/2018 17:44

Why do you stay with him? Genuine question. He's getting worse. You have your own money. What is holding you back?

Branleuse · 29/04/2018 17:46

Thats awful OP. That must feel horrible to live with someone that thinks so little of you

Starlight2345 · 29/04/2018 17:46

Well the next thing you need to do is contact a solicitor.
There is far more to this story.

You need to protect yourself now

tribpot · 29/04/2018 17:49

Has this been escalating as your financial dependence on him has reduced? He lost you one job, it sounds like he will eventually force you to lose this one as well to 'prove' you haven't cheated on a business trip.

Did he control you when he controlled the money?

Mannix · 29/04/2018 17:49

OP, this is not right. Your DH has completely betrayed you. It's great that you are not financially dependent on him. I'm honestly not a LTB-happy poster, but it sounds like you need to start planning your exit.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.