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How do I distance myself from strange Mum at school

67 replies

Rainbowmother · 21/12/2017 22:10

I've been stressing about this for hours so thought I'd ask here...

I live in a tiny village and a mum at the school approached me 2 days ago to ask if I could pick up her son on Thurs (today) if for any reason another mum I know, couldn't.

I don't really know this woman and have had about 4 interactions with her. My dd doesn't play with her boy and I'm a stranger to him and her. She said it was so she could go to hospital. I was so taken aback I said yes. In the back of my mind I thought it would be ok as other Mum earmarked would surely do it.

I picked up her boy today and she's really annoyed me and made me worry she's crossing the line.

Some background: she stands at the bottom of the school gates. I used to give a polite smile as I went in until one day she unnervingly stared at me walking up the street and made a growl noise. I felt I had to ask if she was ok. She launched into a big rant about how she's too obese to get up the steps so teachers have to bring her boy out and how she goes to physio for her bad back. I made sort of soothing murmured sentences to acknowledge and tried to go, only for her to repeatedly call me back to tell me more about her ailments. I kept excusing myself but she didn't get the hint and was calling after me.

After that I was on opposite side of road and she was walking in the other direction. She started calling over the traffic to me. I gave a quick wave acknowledgement but she kept shouting. I thought it must be urgent and crossed over as I couldn't hear. She was just talking about ANYTHING and started telling me about how her ex / ds father abused her in every way and was having sex with the family dog etc etc. I don't shock easily but I was thrown that she was randomly telling me. She asked my name and was keen to tell me hers. I kept saying I needed to go and she ignored all of my attempts until I said "OK IM GOING "and even then she called after me which I ignored....

The last time I talked to her was her coming to the school door and poked me from behind to say she wasn't ignoring me, she was busy playing her game. I hadn't even noticed her. She then launched into big convo about her new pills and I was quite embarrassed so didn't say much. She got them out and started waving them in my face going on about the dosage. I kept saying "oh ok I don't know about that"

So, she asks me to have her boy over and I say yes. She then proceeds to walk down the street with me and say she will walk to my house so she knows where I am. She then tells me the other mum CANT do it so will I just do it? I agreed because I'm a soft touch. She said she didn't have an appointment time just turn up and wait ( when I asked ) about the hospital. Her boy was talking about playing with my dd and what day was he going and she starts telling him how I will give him dinner etc! Her boy was talking as though he had already been told he would be coming to mine.. He's very sweet and doesn't have any friends. He told me how he hasn't ever been to someone's house to play and enjoyed himself. I fed him etc.

His mother text saying she would be later than she thought...

my DH who wasn't there, said he doesn't like this woman and when she walked home with me he saw her on the doorstep. He said she will be constantly asking for favours and he doesn't trust her, she's brazen and doesn't want her in the house. I do agree there's something that makes me think she is trouble and I also didn't want her coming in.

When she collected him she told me she had waited for hours at the hospital and showed me her dressing on her arm. Turns out she was getting her implant changed?! She turned up with her BOYFRIEND who could clearly have picked up the boy?! She went to the hospital on the bus. She then casually dropped that they then went CHRISTMAS SHOPPING after the hospital and it was very busy! I didn't know what to say so let it go. Her DS Then starts saying how my other child likes dinousars and she says ok now we know what to get for his birthday. Her ds asks when that is and her mother then tells him the correct birth date?! Apparently when she told me on the walk back to my house how her boy was born just after xmas I had briefly said oh yes me too, 3 jan. She's memorised it?! She then said she's away on 3 jan so will DROP A GIFT IN FOR HIM over the school holidays! We are off until 9/1 and the idea of being on edge that she will just randomly drop by fills me with dread.

I don't want to do this Mum anymore favours as she went off xmas shopping with her bf while making out it was a crisis someone have her boy. I hate she knows where I live and doesn't pick up on social cues. I already feel on tenterhooks she will be coming over during the holidays.

She makes me feel uncomfortable and I find it concerning she went into massive sexual detail about herself and her ex.... I can walk the back way to school at a big inconvenience but any advice on distancing yourself from such a person? She doesn't take no for an answer and in a way is quite intimidating.

OP posts:
Howsthings1234 · 21/12/2017 22:23

Oh my!!! That's sounds really stressful!! And so awkward!!!! I wish I could help but I have to say I'm at a loss.... you've been too nice which is the sort of thing I do and then kick myself.

I think you need to do what you were doing but more consistently and strong. I.e just wave and walk off even if she keeps shouting. Always say sorry I can't stop/talk and keep moving - hope she doesn't catch up with you!

Very rude to get you to take her son and then go off shopping?!?!? Bizarre!

userabcname · 22/12/2017 14:05

Gosh she does sound like hard work! If she does pop by could your DH answer the door? Or could you pretend you're not in?! Otherwise just prepare yourself to be assertive- say you're busy / on way out and don't invite her in. And be prepared to be asked for more favours so you feel more confident saying no. I'd be very distant with her, don't stop again if she tries to talk to you when you're out (even if she calls to you) and hopefully she will get the message.

Midge1978 · 22/12/2017 20:45

I'm sorry - she growled at you?! ConfusedConfused

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Feelings · 22/12/2017 20:55

Wow

Feelings · 22/12/2017 21:17

You need to burn down your house, change your identity and move far far away.

Even if you try to tell this woman to go away, she sounds like someone who would make your life a living hell for ever rejecting her.

TeaAndToast85 · 22/12/2017 21:27

Wowsers. The only thing I can think of is every time you see her, be in a tearing rush, smile but never stop walking. Difficult at the school gates. Be 'on the phone'? Not really a long term solution. Could you talk to some other mums and just try to smile, nod and turn away? Sounds harsh, but she doesn't sound 'quite right'. Her poor DS Sad

ChrisPrattsFace · 22/12/2017 21:40

She, growled? I’m laughing, in sorry!
I would just excuse myself from her every time, be blunt and move on and say you are unable to look after her DS when she asks! Be cruel to be kind!

ObscuredbyFog · 23/12/2017 17:52

Put your coat on before you answer the door.

A If you don't want her company, tell her you are just going out.

B If you do want her company, tell her you've only just walked in and not had time to take your coat off.

I'd suggest A every time Xmas Smile

Rainbowmother · 23/12/2017 23:50

Thank you so much for the replies. This is my first ever post and I joined mn literally to get advice on this. I quite like it though and think I'll stick aroundXmas Smile

I have to agree with the idea that I'm just busy and a mute and I'm DASHING ABOUT. Thinking of doing school run in my huge oversize headphones too and pretend I'm on a phone call.

Love the idea of answering the door in a coat, will definitely do that. I suspect she would say "I'll come with you, where are we going?" ShockGrin Id ideally ignore any knocks on the door but my DC certainly won't, they love running to the hall and looking out the curtains / letterbox.

Haha yes she really GROWLED. It would be great if we could post voice notes here, I'd do an impression. Wink in hindsight it was clearly attention seeking and a way of getting me to talk to her. Any human would have to say "ERR, ARE YOU OK?" after hearing it.

I feel she's quite calculating in a way that's she's logged all the little details. Other strange bits are coming back to me now. All in all, I've realised I've got to be a bit more streetwise in general as it's a pattern that strange people tend to think I'm the one and not first time a line has been crossed.

I'll see how it is when school starts back. Yesterday two neighbours hand delivered cards and both times I thought HERE WE GO! The beginning of the end! TennisXmas Grin

OP posts:
RainbowWish · 24/12/2017 00:05

If you have Facebook or any online things make sure yet are 100% private so she can't get anymore info.
How very strange she is obviously very lonely and socially unaware what is borderline stakerish.

tampinfuminragin · 24/12/2017 00:07

When she asks for the next favour just say no you can't and leave it at that.

It's her kid I feel sorry for.

Oywotchadoin · 24/12/2017 00:10

Her child’s father had sex with the dog? I have no appropriate emoji.

rcit · 24/12/2017 00:12

She sounds scary. Bet the other mum lined up for babysitting is thrilled that this woman has found you to babysit her ds. You need to say no to all further requests and if pushed say that doesn’t work for us. If she starts on about something random, say excuse me and walk away.

rcit · 24/12/2017 00:14

If her ex really had sex with the family dog, the last thing you’d do is tell anyone about it. She sounds really scary.

I found an emoji for it 🤮

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:15

Oh God yes she did send me a friend request and somehow commented on an elf on the shelf photo I had... I'll block her on Christmas day when she's least likely to notice . I feel she may be the kind to quickly notice she's a friend down etc but whatever...

I feel TERRIBLE for her boy. I asked him who he plays with and he said my dd which is plain not true. Bless him I do feel he's got it tough.

OP posts:
Oywotchadoin · 24/12/2017 00:15

I think I would be minded to speak to School about this woman, I suspect there might be other stuff going on too

rcit · 24/12/2017 00:15

🤥
Or maybe this

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:19

Yes Sex with a dog! SHE WAS SO UTTERLY CASUAL DROPPING IN A BEASTIALITY conversation.

I really am very laid back and don't really care or get shocked by most things but I just thought WTF ARE YOU TELLING ME?! And why?!!!!! She also wanted to tell me a lot more but i escaped.

Each time I see her it's like she's bursting to talk but it's all random crap.

OP posts:
Oywotchadoin · 24/12/2017 00:20

Yep school/safeguarding etc. Poor boy.

TotemIcePole · 24/12/2017 00:20

I would just block what she can see.

Battleax · 24/12/2017 00:21

Some people do remember dates easily, or Jan 3rd might be a significant date for her too, so forget that bit.

Going Christmas shopping and taking her BF to the hospital is taking the piss.

But if she had GROWLED at you before any of this for going, why did you then go along with any of it anyway?

Cool response time.

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:26

I did consider the school but then thought what would I even say? That's she's just plain weird..

My MIL worked for a long time in SS and I filled her in on everything. She wondered aloud that was she fulfilling the sons needs. I really don't know, she could be fabulous with him... but chatting about sex with a dog like it's Mum chat is Not ok and as pointed out possibly not true.

If true SS would have got involved?! So possibly still are and decided she's fit to parent?! I'd feel terrible to be the cause of a mother losing a child she was perfectly capable of being wonderful to.

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 24/12/2017 00:27

What a shame that her poor son should miss out because she is so strange. As op have said, keep all of your online stuff private. Definitely don't engage further. I would also strongly reccomend that you tell the school not to allow her to take your DD after school just in case. She doesn't sound all there.

Oywotchadoin · 24/12/2017 00:29

You wouldn’t be the cause of her losing her child! Good lord! You’d simply be adding information to a possible already existing file.

Look at it another way. Suppose his needs weren’t being met, and something went wrong, what would you think if you heard someone else say “yes she told me her ex used to shag the dog.” What sort of an alarm bell do you need?

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:30

I know battleax, I really am kicking myself. She did the odd growl that started as a groan but was a growl with intense Eye contact. But then she talked to me about how she couldn't walk easily and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe a frustration growl or I'm in pain growl...

I am a bit awkward and don't really know how to be rude. I cringe at idea of it. In this case I can now see its essential or she's going to make my life hell as I'll be on tenterhooks

OP posts:
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