Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How do I distance myself from strange Mum at school

67 replies

Rainbowmother · 21/12/2017 22:10

I've been stressing about this for hours so thought I'd ask here...

I live in a tiny village and a mum at the school approached me 2 days ago to ask if I could pick up her son on Thurs (today) if for any reason another mum I know, couldn't.

I don't really know this woman and have had about 4 interactions with her. My dd doesn't play with her boy and I'm a stranger to him and her. She said it was so she could go to hospital. I was so taken aback I said yes. In the back of my mind I thought it would be ok as other Mum earmarked would surely do it.

I picked up her boy today and she's really annoyed me and made me worry she's crossing the line.

Some background: she stands at the bottom of the school gates. I used to give a polite smile as I went in until one day she unnervingly stared at me walking up the street and made a growl noise. I felt I had to ask if she was ok. She launched into a big rant about how she's too obese to get up the steps so teachers have to bring her boy out and how she goes to physio for her bad back. I made sort of soothing murmured sentences to acknowledge and tried to go, only for her to repeatedly call me back to tell me more about her ailments. I kept excusing myself but she didn't get the hint and was calling after me.

After that I was on opposite side of road and she was walking in the other direction. She started calling over the traffic to me. I gave a quick wave acknowledgement but she kept shouting. I thought it must be urgent and crossed over as I couldn't hear. She was just talking about ANYTHING and started telling me about how her ex / ds father abused her in every way and was having sex with the family dog etc etc. I don't shock easily but I was thrown that she was randomly telling me. She asked my name and was keen to tell me hers. I kept saying I needed to go and she ignored all of my attempts until I said "OK IM GOING "and even then she called after me which I ignored....

The last time I talked to her was her coming to the school door and poked me from behind to say she wasn't ignoring me, she was busy playing her game. I hadn't even noticed her. She then launched into big convo about her new pills and I was quite embarrassed so didn't say much. She got them out and started waving them in my face going on about the dosage. I kept saying "oh ok I don't know about that"

So, she asks me to have her boy over and I say yes. She then proceeds to walk down the street with me and say she will walk to my house so she knows where I am. She then tells me the other mum CANT do it so will I just do it? I agreed because I'm a soft touch. She said she didn't have an appointment time just turn up and wait ( when I asked ) about the hospital. Her boy was talking about playing with my dd and what day was he going and she starts telling him how I will give him dinner etc! Her boy was talking as though he had already been told he would be coming to mine.. He's very sweet and doesn't have any friends. He told me how he hasn't ever been to someone's house to play and enjoyed himself. I fed him etc.

His mother text saying she would be later than she thought...

my DH who wasn't there, said he doesn't like this woman and when she walked home with me he saw her on the doorstep. He said she will be constantly asking for favours and he doesn't trust her, she's brazen and doesn't want her in the house. I do agree there's something that makes me think she is trouble and I also didn't want her coming in.

When she collected him she told me she had waited for hours at the hospital and showed me her dressing on her arm. Turns out she was getting her implant changed?! She turned up with her BOYFRIEND who could clearly have picked up the boy?! She went to the hospital on the bus. She then casually dropped that they then went CHRISTMAS SHOPPING after the hospital and it was very busy! I didn't know what to say so let it go. Her DS Then starts saying how my other child likes dinousars and she says ok now we know what to get for his birthday. Her ds asks when that is and her mother then tells him the correct birth date?! Apparently when she told me on the walk back to my house how her boy was born just after xmas I had briefly said oh yes me too, 3 jan. She's memorised it?! She then said she's away on 3 jan so will DROP A GIFT IN FOR HIM over the school holidays! We are off until 9/1 and the idea of being on edge that she will just randomly drop by fills me with dread.

I don't want to do this Mum anymore favours as she went off xmas shopping with her bf while making out it was a crisis someone have her boy. I hate she knows where I live and doesn't pick up on social cues. I already feel on tenterhooks she will be coming over during the holidays.

She makes me feel uncomfortable and I find it concerning she went into massive sexual detail about herself and her ex.... I can walk the back way to school at a big inconvenience but any advice on distancing yourself from such a person? She doesn't take no for an answer and in a way is quite intimidating.

OP posts:
Battleax · 24/12/2017 00:34

You don't need to be rude. Just hold the firm line in your mind and then be breezy when she suggests something or starts a long mad conversation;

"Oh gosh, that sounds awful. I have to dash though, I'm expecting a phone interview."

"That sounds lovely but unfortunately we're just too busy."

"It's a very sweet thought m, but we prefer not to exchange gifts for the children, unless there's a party."

SystemAddictFiveStar · 24/12/2017 00:35

Bloody hell she sounds nuts! Feel sorry for her ds.

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:40

The gift thing is really weird as I was quite horrified by idea of her popping round with it. I said 4 times in the convo not to, in 4 different ways. The last one was :

"No don't do that as WE don't even buy him gifts seeing as it's straight after xmas. We just take him for a day out" Not true but I was thinking on my feet.. anyway she didn't acknowledge any of it which any normal person would. She still talked about getting something little. This is probably where I should have bluntly said "NO DONT"

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Huppopapa · 24/12/2017 00:46

@Feelings got it right at 21:17!

ReanimatedSGB · 24/12/2017 00:48

It's a good idea to let the school know this mother is a bit odd.. up to a point. If the DC appear happy and healthy then it's perhaps less of a big deal.

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:48

Haha I just reread all the thread and laughed out loud @ Feelings!

Funny thing is after I had her son over, I really did think "well we TALKED about moving next year and if we do that will be a bonus."

OP posts:
Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 00:50

What would I say about her being odd? That's she's mentioned sex with animals very casually and I find that worrying...

OP posts:
Huppopapa · 24/12/2017 00:57

How about; "SHE'S BLOODY ODD!!"

I dare say it will not have entirely passed the school by. In terms of specifics I would have thought that the sexual disinhibition and the causal manner in which she entrusted her child to you are probably the stand out ones as they lean towards issues relevant to protecting her child from emotional and physical harm and would, therefore, require logging. That said, why not copy and paste what you have written above and tell them all of it?

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 01:02

Yes they are definitely aware she's odd. I've seen them hand him over at the bottom of the steps and they certainly do their polite face. And jog back uk the steps actually.....

Yes the causal take my child, anyone is concerning. We aren't friends or even associates. I wonder in her head if she would describe me as a Mum friend...

she's very lucky I'm not a danger to her child, she really REALLY didn't know that when she asked me to have him. I'm so unfamiliar with her boy that when a different boy with a similar look came out I put my hand up to claim him!

OP posts:
Weezol · 24/12/2017 01:18

I would be inclined to have a quiet word with school on the basis her son seems quite isolated and you're a bit concerned about his mum's conversation with you. They will then make decisions about any safeguarding requirements.
You're right to get a bit more street savvy. I used the think I was a nutter magnet, they would appear next to me at zebra crossings and on the bus. I read up a bit on body language and that helps. I now find a bright smile and a 'must dash, byeee' effective.
Don't say 'I must go because xyz' as that's a conversation starter. It means that next time they see you they can ask you how xyz went and so the dance begins again.
Or do what Feelings said Grin

Greebz · 24/12/2017 01:29

OP, I really feel for you as I am total soft touch and always end up doing random favours for people... They tend to spot me I think! I would strongly advise you speak to the school about this woman's behaviour; as pp wrote, "the sexual disinhibition and the causal manner in which she entrusted her child to you" are matters which they should know about. Or speak to social services? I feel so sorry for her little boy Xmas Smile. I went to school with kids who had "weird parents" and they really suffered.

Greebz · 24/12/2017 01:30

FFS I was trying to do a sad face, not a happy one in a santa hat! MNHQ - please let us edit our posts!!!

mumgointhroughtorture · 24/12/2017 01:35

I suspect she's become desensitized about stuff that other people find wrong .
My friends ex was a wrong one into beastiality and threesomes , alsorts of sex related stuff other people would be gobsmacked at but she would bring it into conversation like it was all normal . Her boundaries are fucked ! She's a lovely woman . But has no concept on what's appropriate conversation to have with people . She's also lonely but this woman sounds like there are mental health issues too .I would have a word with school because just ds going home with you , a virtual stranger is worrying and perhaps school can keep an eye on who ds is being left with and maybe can be aware incase he tells anyone stuff that normally they wouldnt be concerned about .
Something doesn't sound right here ...

You definitely need to nip this in the bud whilst you can ...

strawberryclouds · 24/12/2017 01:36

I bet she did it so you will feel pressured to buy her son a gift for his birthday, as it's around the same time.

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 01:50

Bloody hell strawberry I'd didn't even think of that Shock

OP posts:
Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 01:53

Weezol that is very true, looking back I give details about WHY I have to go, to make it sound believable. I'd never do this to a telesales person as it gives her chance to talk even more. Less is more. Def need to stop talking so much to people I don't want to talk to

OP posts:
Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 01:55

It's interesting she was so chilled about me having him. I think I will raise this and the casual sex chat with them and say I want to flag it just incase anything happened and I hadn't spoken out. I really would feel terrible for keeping it to myself then... I'm sure she doesn't leave him with anyone else only because rest of school seem to blank her.

I'll also probably pull other Mum aside who was originally earmarked. I don't know what I even want to say to her apart from WTF

OP posts:
Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 01:57

She must be desensitised to go from talking about breakfast club to her dog chat and goodness knows what she thinks is cool now in her new relationship. He seemed very strange on the doorstep but who knows.

OP posts:
MarzipanDild0 · 24/12/2017 01:57

She sounds quite, quite mad. Avoid and don’t worry about being tactful otherwise you’ll end up stuck with her.

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 01:58

When I lose my temper I can be really rude but it's about once a year Grin I flirt between shit how am I going to pull this off it's cringe walkinga way when someone is still talking and then I think how ducking dare she con me while she went Christmas shopping with her man!

OP posts:
Weezol · 24/12/2017 02:08

It took me a good few sessions of my several years of counselling to learn to let 'No be enough' and to stop giving lengthy explanations, for example 'Are you coming to the pub after work?' would have me fabricating stories to get out of it (I have to go home and groom the giraffe, polish the roof and count the cutlery).
Now I say 'No thanks, not tonight' and nobody even blinks.
I have been doing this for a few years now but I still feel great every time for not waffling.

gingergenius · 24/12/2017 02:16

What a weird situation!

Rainbowmother · 24/12/2017 02:30

It is so weird. I have had strange situations before but this is the worst and it would be funny if I wasn't so anxious about it / I'm now worried what's going on with the child at home and if he's really ok.

Weezol - that's so me, big elaborate stories and the whole time I'm delaying my escape Confused

OP posts:
Weezol · 24/12/2017 14:33

The first time I just said 'No thanks' and the world didn't explode I felt like I had won Olympic gold.

Cocolepew · 24/12/2017 14:43

Tbh peopke like this have a very thick skin. I'd be firm and if that wasn't working rude.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.