Id like to ask you all wwud to get across my friend bluntly she is raising a Demon child and she needs to do something about it!!! Sorry if it's so long!Please stick with me.
He's 10 and he's best friends with my DS - though both are in different schools so mostly see each other weekends / occasionally after school for a bit. There has never been an issue between them until recently (they have been friends since they were both 6 months old when me and his mum met) and since then they've been inseparable really due to me and my friend being so close.
Recently (since around February) her sons attitude seems to have been getting worse and worse. Hes always been 'cheeky' but its stepped up a notch to where he talks back - and I don't mean a bit of regular childish tantrums I mean he speaks to my DF like he's son stroppy 16 year old language wise. He gives me attitude if/when I babysit and literally shows no respect to anyone recently, though is incredibly polite and well mannered in school.
In fact, to others he's an absolute angel.
If my friends there and he begins talking to me like shit I'll tell him straight not to speak to me like that and he gets really shocked and confused - then upset. But I'm fighting a losing battle because she will then cheer him up by getting him a treat so I feel like she's undermining my own authority with him. It's come to the point now when I try tell him off for speaking like that to me he just smirks and goes "what are you going to do? That's right nothing." With absolute confidence.
With this building months in the making me and my DF a few weeks ago had a huge row, because when he says things like this to me and I tell her she just laughs saying things like "isn't he so cheeky?" "Did he really say that? He's going to be a right character when he's older isn't he?" She's genuinely proud.
She seems to see his attitude as funny as when he gives her it she always laughs /smiles. She even brags about it to others and they laugh with her because how she phrases it - without his nasty conviction - so it does seem quite funny to think of her seemingly well behaved little Angel coming out with such things.
I told her I wouldn't tolerate his attitude to me anymore and she promised to start clamping down on it and she has made some efforts - but his punishments are superficial. She will sternly tell him it's wrong then in the next breath offer him more treats promise him a toy etc. I'll admit he's calmed somewhat with his attitude towards me but I don't think it's acceptable still. A child his age shouldn't speak to anyone like he does.
He has begun to hit my DF as well, punching her in the face or kicking her as hard as he could. He first time I witnessed it I was absolutely shocked, more so because she just laughed and acted like it was no big deal when he then screamed at her and stormed upstairs.
The second time I piped up and told him he shouldn't hit her, to which he turned to me in mild confusion and apologised. Since then he's never done it in front of me but still hits her because she often phones me because he's wholloped her and she wants someone to speak to whilst he finishes raging in his room.
But she always has an excuse. He's had a hard day, he's hungry, he's tired etc etc. I've spent hours telling her she needs to nip it in the bud but she won't punish him. She never has and she tells me that he's just going through a phase. It will pass.
Then there's the things he says when he's giving attitude. He threatens to kill himself. Kill her. Kill their pet dog. Kill his Grandad. Hes fascinated with death and often openly speaks about when me and DF will die, Google about murder and likes to write stories about the world ending. Maybe just a phase this fascination but it worries me... I don't feel comfortable listening to a 10 year old chatter so happily about how he can't wait until we all die and can leave him to do what he likes.
When she does punish him for doing something really horrific he purposely hurts himself by slapping his face several times until she relents and tries to appease him. As I've mentioned when he gets away with things he gives this smirky looks and it's beginning to really rub me the wrong way.
Two weekends ago I was babysitting and he and DS were sat watching TV when my DS called their dog to come to him. Her son sighed loudly and snapped "just because your mum's too poor to buy you a dog doesn't mean you can call mine like you own him." I was in the hall but overheard so told him not to say things like that. He scoffed and stormed upstairs.
I decided to have a chat with him and asked if there was a reason he acted like he did and said nasty things. He just shrugged and said it was "because he could." I told him he was acting like a bully to me and his mum and that his comment to my DS was unkind. He looked me dead in the eye and said "then maybe you shouldn't be so mean and buy him nice toys, like mine."
I was completely baffled. As I've mentioned my friends spoils him rotten (games and consoles when it's not even his birthday/christmas) - he breaks something during his paddys and he gets a replacement immediately. My DS is by no means hard done by but I certainly don't lavish him. But explaining this to a child of 10 with an attitude problem was next to impossible.
Later that night I asked my son if he's ever said anything like that before (through my chat with DF's son it became apparent he considers me 'poor') and my son admitted when they were alone playing he often said nasty things, but my DS knew there was no point telling my DF because the one time he did she just laughed it off.
I brought it up with her and she just gave me a huge speel about how her DS was in a bad mood that night, how when my DS came to her it was a typical child's argument and my DS is blowing things out of proportion, that what her son said was obviously him making things up in his moodiness.
I told my DS if he says nasty things again to tell me immediately.
Last Tuesday I was tucking in DS when he said he had something to tell me and made me promise I wouldn't get mad. He confided that her DS liked to squeeze him - his arms, legs etc when he says nasty things and that it had happened that day when they were playing. He said her DS snapped because my DS wasn't playing Lego 'right' and he grabbed him, squeezed and told him he was "stupid and no wonder your mum doesn't love you." And something in regards to us being poor again.
There was no bruises but my DS said hes sometimes a bit red after, but that friends DS always checks him over and declares 'that didn't hurt, did it?' And will start a game again like nothing happened.
I asked why he'd never told me before about it and he said DF's son had warned him that if he told nothing would happen because his mum let's him do what he likes. And I realised how believable it would be to my DS because she reallydoesand DS has witnessed my DF's child get away with horrendous behaviour without consequence.
I feel guilty that my DS has been subjected to this and have been avoiding her because I know I'm frustrated over the whole situation and would just snap, saying something I'd regret. I know it's my fault for allowing DS to witness this and for not removing him from it sooner, she is my closest DF and when there's not issues with her DS we are really close and have so much in common.
I'm at a loss as what to do here because I'm clearly giving advise to death ears, but at the same time I'm watching her raise an absolute demon and I want no part of it for my DS and myself. Other friends have told me I need to say something, since me and her are so close. I've calmed down a lot now and I know I need to say something... I just don't know what. I feel like I've said everything before and she doesn't listen, but I can't let my DS remain in that situation.
So... Tips on how to tell DF she's raising a demon child and that I don't want my DS around hers until she does something about it please??
((So may be relevant to know; she's a single mum and her DS has never met his dad so no male authority. He's been tested for ADHD and Autism and though he may have very 'mild' autism it's not enough to need special classes / meetings etc because he functions perfectly fine in school / outside at his clubs / fine with his school friends and is well thought of as a lovely little boy. His horrific behaviour is reserved mostly with her. When he gives attitude to me is generally after a strop over something as mild as she'd forgot to buy X treat or he wants X toy and he's lashing out. His behaviour towards my son however... I'm not sure where that stems from!!!))