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Original poster

How would you expect your DP to react if you damage the car?

74 replies

BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 10:18

We just discovered that our car has an ugly scuff on the front bumper which was probably my fault. I think it might have happened on my way into a car park with a narrow entrance. DH discovered it just now and drove off to an appointment looking a bit miffed about it and I wonder how much "trouble" I'll be in when he gets home, how moody he will be about it. It's our shared car but I use it most these days. I didn't know it had happened until he pointed it out but I'm sitting at home worrying that he's going to be accusing me of being irresponsible or dishonest. Or be moody with me about it for days/weeks.

What I want to know is how disgruntled would your DP be... what is a normal response?!

OP posts:
MoGhileMear · 31/08/2017 10:21

Honestly, OP, your post is alarming me, because you sound half-afraid of your DH's response to a perfectly ordinary, mildly annoying everyday situation. How do you respond if he gives your shared car a knock?

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 31/08/2017 10:21

DH wouldn't be bothered in the slightest I think. My Dad went totally off the deep end when I broke my wing mirror in my first car though (and if he knew the whole story about what happened, I think I'd still be grounded twenty odd years later).

TeaStory · 31/08/2017 10:24

A scuff on the bumper? He'd shrug and say "oh well, better the car is damaged than you". Then he'd laugh and give me a hug if I was worried. I don't think it would even be a blip on his radar.

Has your husband been horrible to you about small things before? Or been "moody" like you describe? That's not part of a loving relationship, and you don't have to put up with it.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 31/08/2017 10:24

I don't think mine would be that bothered tbh. Although I am more alarmed at the fact you managed to hit something without knowing it.

gandalfspants · 31/08/2017 10:24

DH would be upset about the scuff (he's much more precious than me about stuff like that), and might be a bit moody or down for a day or two.

He wouldn't be upset with ME though, just generally, in the same way as if he'd done it himself. Accidents happen.

He might tease me later when it's something you look back in and laugh. We've both damaged each other's cars once in the past so next one to do it will be the 'rubbish driver' until it evens out again - in a lighthearted jokey way.

Does he generally hold accidents or mistakes against you? I don't think that's normal.

PollytheDolly · 31/08/2017 10:25

My DH has gone through this twice with me in the last few years. He comforts me as he knows how much I love my car. (He might think different but it's not showing).

punkpuffin · 31/08/2017 10:26

I would expect my dh to roll his eyes call me an idiot in a joking way and then forget about it. But then again he's fine more damage to both out cars than I ever have.

I definetly wouldn't be worried. Does he worry you a lot with his reactions?

TanteRose · 31/08/2017 10:27

I've just done this - reversed too fast into our parking lot (enclosed) and hit the side gate - wing mirror hanging off, door bashed in, window won't close, steering a bit buggered too...Blush

it was late at night and I must have lost concentration.

Anyway, DH looked a bit like Hmm but then agreed that it was good no one had got hurt and the next day, began doing the rounds of phone calls to insurance, garage etc.

normal reaction, I think...

PatMullins · 31/08/2017 10:27

Mine would probably be a bit miffed (as would I) but wouldn't have a go at me or make me feel shit about it.

Bubblysqueak · 31/08/2017 10:29

Not bothered at all. It's only a metal box at the e d of the day. And this comes from someone who reversed my brand new (less than a week old) car into a post and dented the bumper and scuffed the paintwork. I was far more pissed off with myself than he was with me.

PinkHeart5911 · 31/08/2017 10:29

My dh would be pissed off and I'd be the same if he damaged my car, but it wouldn't cause a row the one that damaged would just pay to put it right.

I did actually scratch dh 3 day old very expensive brand new car a couple of years back, yes he was pissed off but not angry and I paid to put it right and it's never been mentioned again

AlpacaLypse · 31/08/2017 10:29

When I whacked the side of DP's van I got an ear bashing, but once that was over and done with there were no sulks or grumps. Although he's never let me drive the transit ever again!

Singap0reSling · 31/08/2017 10:30

Scuff on the bumper? If he noticed it, DH would in all likelihood shrug and move on - if it was more damage than that he'd likely ask if I'd bumped anything and if I was ok. Car damage is not high on his list of things to get in a huff over, ever.

Passmethecrisps · 31/08/2017 10:31

About three maybe four months ago I reversed into dh's car causing damage to them both. His first response was to ask if I was ok.

MrsHathaway · 31/08/2017 10:35

Mine is a bit precious about cars (we aren't wealthy enough to shrug off unnecessary depreciation) so "miffed" is about right.

My car before last sustained a scuff to a door in a car park and he was grumpy about it, though with the situation rather than with me IYSWIM.

A dynamic where you're afraid of being punished in some way (with sulks or a telling off, or withholding funds or ...?) is unhealthy.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 31/08/2017 10:35

For a bumper scuff? My DH would shrug and say it was fine. And then if I said "Are you sure?" he'd laugh at me and say of course it was.

I speak from experience as I recently scuffed the car on a just-the-wrong-height curb when parking.

KentMum2008 · 31/08/2017 10:36

I'd expect my DH to have a little whinge about it, and then I'd make him a cup of tea (because that's a guaranteed mood changer) and he'd say 'you are a clumsy cow mango' (because I really am) and then he'd pretty much forget about it until the repair bill came in. He'd joke that my wine budget for the month was paying for the repair (which he wouldn't actually follow through with) and then it would be forgotten.

I spent 8 years living with a man who I was terrified of. I knew certain things would cause me to get 'in trouble' and certain things would elicit a physical punishment from him. I could not and would not tolerate living with a man like that ever again. DH is the polar opposite.

Original poster
BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 10:36

Well, we'll see how my DH reacts when he gets home! He's not an ogre but he is is always a bit funny about things getting broken or damaged and always gets overly upset if he accidentally breaks something too.

I am more alarmed at the fact you managed to hit something without knowing it. Nothing to be too alarmed about, I think it happened going into a narrow car park yesterday, would have been a scrape along a concrete curb thingy rather than a "hit" so I wouldn't have heard or felt it at the time. The only reason I think I know how it happened is because I did remember thinking "this is a bit narrow" as I drove in.

OP posts:
AWendyAteMyFitbit · 31/08/2017 10:37

My ex would have been (and was) livid. But then he was livid about most things, hence "ex".

pamplemoussed · 31/08/2017 10:38

Mine would not blink. But we drive a very old, scuffed car. You don't even know for sure if it was your driving that caused it. You could have had someone scuff it whilst it was parked at a supermarket.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2017 10:42

What the fuck right have they got to be "moody" or accuse you of anything?

It was an accident. Accidents happen.

Why do women put up with this crap?

SandBlue · 31/08/2017 10:44

Scuff?? Check i was ok, and ask me to pick up some t-cut of the right colour.
I reversed his car into a lamppost (reverse parking sensors don't pick out lampposts.....). And There was no problem, certainly not to be afraid of. He was probably pissed off, but didnt show it.

certainlynotsusan · 31/08/2017 10:49

My husband put a massive great big crack in my back bumper.

I raised my eyebrows at him and said I was worried about how fast he could possibly have been reversing to hit a pillar hard enough to do that.

And that was it!

Not got a quote for fixing it yet though, so there may be more raised eyebrows in his future...

NoCapes · 31/08/2017 10:55

Jesus for a scuff on the bumper?! Doubt he'd even notice

I bump and scrape my car constantly, the day I ripped the door off I was slightly apprehensive at ex's reaction but he just came and got me and arranged to get it fixed and that was that

It's a car
A metal box
Who the jeff cares if there's bumps or scrapes on it?! Confused

However you sound like you're scared of your DP - do you regularly get 'in trouble'?

RandomDent · 31/08/2017 10:59

If he even noticed: If I didn't know how it got there, he would assume someone scuffed my car rather than me scuffing it. If I had done it, he would laugh at me. He would never get moody.

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