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Original poster

How would you expect your DP to react if you damage the car?

74 replies

BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 10:18

We just discovered that our car has an ugly scuff on the front bumper which was probably my fault. I think it might have happened on my way into a car park with a narrow entrance. DH discovered it just now and drove off to an appointment looking a bit miffed about it and I wonder how much "trouble" I'll be in when he gets home, how moody he will be about it. It's our shared car but I use it most these days. I didn't know it had happened until he pointed it out but I'm sitting at home worrying that he's going to be accusing me of being irresponsible or dishonest. Or be moody with me about it for days/weeks.

What I want to know is how disgruntled would your DP be... what is a normal response?!

OP posts:
OnlyHereForTheFeminists · 31/08/2017 11:04

If I hadn't noticeably hit something I'd probably assume someone else had bumped it while it was in the car park.
If I had definitely hit something I'd be a bit embarrassed about telling dh, but that's only because he's had a lot more bumps than me and I usually claim to be the better driver! I definitely wouldn't be worried about his reaction.

Winterc00kie · 31/08/2017 11:06

my DP has a bodyshop repair centre so im v v lucky that to him its like the most normal thing on earth

TieGrr · 31/08/2017 11:13

He'd tell me it's not a big deal, it's just a car. He knows that I'm stupidly hard on myself when I make mistakes (thanks, Dad) and his first priority would me making sure I wasn't beating myself up about it.

Branleuse · 31/08/2017 11:16

My dp wouldnt care, but my mum would go on about it

EddChinasVagina · 31/08/2017 11:18

I seriously scuffed two of my alloy wheels (separate occasions) and when my husband noticed he shouted from the drive "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR WHEELS?" And I just burst out laughing because he rarely shouts, and I said I curbed them, and he calmly said "well we'd better get them refurbished then hadn't we" and that was that. Life must be shit if you're scared of your husband. Hopefully he'll get over it OP.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 31/08/2017 11:19

He'd be miffed and call me a numpty, then grumble about getting it fixed and then suggest take out to cheer me up if I were upset.

I would never ever be frightened of him and he'd be devestated if he thought I was.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 31/08/2017 11:20

Actually scrap that, I doubt he'd even notice.

WaxOnFeckOff · 31/08/2017 11:24

We have our own cars, Dhs has been scuffed by someone else and he's scuffed mine/kerbed the alloy. I've also had mine damaged by other people.

Our usual recation to each other is general pissed-offness about peoples carelessness or just a "oh well these things happen".

If it was a more serious thing then first thought from either side is obviously that everyone is safe and unharmed and comfort would be given for any upset and then just a discussion about getting the damaged fixed.

TestTubeTeen · 31/08/2017 11:25

Many many bumper scuffs happen when you are not even in the car, caused by people who scuff them in their own manoeuvre and drive off.

I think you WOULD hear or feel a bumper scuff if it left a mark.

Your DH's moodiness and blame-approach is a problem.

My DH leaves me to take responsibility for anything I do by accident and I do likewise. Anyone can have an accident and should be able to own it and say 'oops - shall we ignore it / get some T Cut / call the insurance'? if it is a joint car.

Do you care if the car is scuffed? I don't, wrt to mine - if it was a joint car and DH really cared I might say 'OK, I scuffed it, I'll get some T Cut and sort it out' but I would give short shrift to any 'attitude'.

You should not be living in fear of his moods. Tell him this.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/08/2017 11:26

He'd say.... Shit, what happened there? (if he noticed) if I explained your situation, he'd say.. Ah, right.

But we're not precious about our car, is yours pristine op? Will it have to be buffed out? < clutches at right terminology>

WiganPierre · 31/08/2017 11:27

I use my husband's luxury car while he's at work... if I scraped it or had a bump he wouldn't be bothered at all, he'd just be concerned about me and how I was. Being scared of your husband isn't normal.

Original poster
BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 11:27

Just in case anyone is wondering I think I was worrying for nothing, as his response was simply "shit happens".

OP posts:
FartSmeller · 31/08/2017 11:28

I hope he's ok about it op, accidents happen.

I've scuffed our car before. Dh was annoyed as it was my fault for being careless, didn't make a huge deal out of it though. Certainly no arguments over it.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 31/08/2017 11:47

I think some of you need to question your safety on piloting a moving vehicle Hmm

Original poster
BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 12:00

JustAnotherPoster00 Have you never had a single ding or scuff? I've been driving 6 years and this is the first time I've scraped the car. Misjudging a curb or a narrow car park entrance is a bit different from bumping into someone else's car or having an actual collision.

OP posts:
TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 31/08/2017 12:34

I scraped the wing on my new car (Actually the family car but I paid for it and I normally drive it because DH has his own car). I was trying to reverse out of a driveway (not mine) and didn't notice that there was a rusty gate hinge poking out of one of the pillars. I was gutted.

Told DH about it and his immediate response was "Oh shit! Are you ok?" He can be a grumpy bugger but he was fine about that. (If I'd done it to his car he might have had more to say about it though!)

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2017 12:59

So he wasn't cross with you for scraping your car which you paid for?

Phew. You must have been relieved.Hmm

nuttyknitter · 31/08/2017 13:14

I scraped the side of our brand new car along a brick gate post the first time I drove it. My DH just said thank goodness it hadn't been him that did it!

cheezy · 31/08/2017 13:23

I might be accused of being irresponsible or careless. But I did have a knock recently in the new car and he was surprisingly magnanimous. I do get accused of being a bit careless but I tend to agree with that assessment Blush If I had another scrape I'd be more annoyed with myself tbh

WalkanTalk · 31/08/2017 13:43

I've knocked ours a few times.

But it's a nice car that he paid for and he gets sooooo pissy every time. Mainly over the cost to fix it because to be fair I have devalued it :/
Like you OP, I do dread the grumpy reaction. But, as another PP has said... why the fuck do women put up with this shit?

So he just moans about 'how do you do that!? Be careful! Are you going to pay for the damage!?'

And I just tell him to quit moaning, he shouldn't have bought a big expensive car because he knows I'm not a great driver (it's true, it was a stupid showy offy decision and he knows I can't afford to maintain a fancy car) and that bumpers are for bumping. And then walk off until he's calmed down a bit.

Maybe just avoid him a little until he's less angry?
But yes, mine does get annoyed with me.

BingBongBingBong · 31/08/2017 13:45

Just in case anyone is wondering I think I was worrying for nothing, as his response was simply "shit happens".

Mine would have said the same I think! A scuff on a bumper is nothing anyway

alltouchedout · 31/08/2017 13:46

As I don't have a license he'd be pretty peeved if I attempted to drive the car. Otherwise he'd be as he is about anything else- as long as I was OK and it wasn't going to cost a ridiculous about of money he'd just laugh at me.

OytheBumbler · 31/08/2017 13:56

My dh is VERY precious about his car. To the extent that he hates the dc going in it in case they leave crumbs/ put feet on seats etc.

If I scratched it? He'd be very upset and I'd feel bad for him. He loves his car.

But, he wouldn't be angry with me over it, and if he was I'd apologise and tell him to grow up then we'd move on.

mistermagpie · 31/08/2017 14:03

My DH wouldn't be bothered, I scraped his car with mine (damaging both) and he was nothing but lovely about it - 'accidents happen' etc. Both our cars are leased as well which makes damage more problematic.

Your worrying about what he might say would never be a feature of my relationship, it's not perfect but I would never be frightened of his reaction to a simple accident.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 31/08/2017 14:03

As a learner driver, DH put me on his insurance and I drove part of the way to our holiday (obviously off the motorway). I turned into a parking space and heard an awful screeching - the front of the car had connected with a low lying rock that I hadn't spotted and a massive scrape appeared. He was really philosophical about it and said it was a learning point. If it had been my dad, he would have hit the roof.