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Original poster

How would you expect your DP to react if you damage the car?

74 replies

BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 10:18

We just discovered that our car has an ugly scuff on the front bumper which was probably my fault. I think it might have happened on my way into a car park with a narrow entrance. DH discovered it just now and drove off to an appointment looking a bit miffed about it and I wonder how much "trouble" I'll be in when he gets home, how moody he will be about it. It's our shared car but I use it most these days. I didn't know it had happened until he pointed it out but I'm sitting at home worrying that he's going to be accusing me of being irresponsible or dishonest. Or be moody with me about it for days/weeks.

What I want to know is how disgruntled would your DP be... what is a normal response?!

OP posts:

KarateKitten · 31/08/2017 14:06

He wouldn't be negative about it. These things happen.

You are walking on eggshells with your DH. Not a good place to be.

MaitlandGirl · 31/08/2017 14:09

We've got a family member who threw a toddler worthy tantrum when her husband drove too close behind a truck (in her car) and the bonnet got some chips in the paint from stones the truck threw up off the road.

A month later she gouged the whole drivers side of her car on a concrete pillar in a car park. He just shook his head and called the insurance company while the rest of her immediate family talked very pointedly about karma.

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 31/08/2017 14:19

I was pissed off when DH possibly damaged one of our cars (mine) as it was a pretty decent dent and scrape round the front looking like he's reversed out of a spot and scraped the car beside us. This means that it's very possible that someone out there is raging that their car has been hit whilst parked. Of course this could also have been someone hitting us so...

The thing is, I reckon that whilst DH is a decent driver, I personally think he believes my car is a lot shorter than it is and when he's pulling out of parking spaces I'm gasping and closing my eyes or screeching at him to be bloody careful! I've never seen him hit anything other than a bollard in front of us cos my car really isn't that fucking short DH!!! But I wouldn't put it past him that his arrogance in his driving abilities luck resulted in that bloody dent.
So me? I'd be mad and nag at DH a bit about his driving.

Him though? He'd probably have a moan at me too.

northernbobbydazzler · 31/08/2017 14:24

DH wouldn't be bothered.... if it was my DF however I think I'd have to leave the country if I damaged his car!!

MysweetAudrina · 31/08/2017 14:27

I would just say nothing, wait until he next drove it and then ask him when he got back what had happened, just like i did when i knocked the wing mirror clean off.

Lindy2 · 31/08/2017 14:32

"Waiting to see how much trouble I'm in." This isn't a phrase any adult should be using with regard to their partner/spouse.
I accidently damaged a part on DH's car and he didn't blame me at all. He's kust got speeding points which will increase insurance premiums gor me as well as him as I insure him on my car too. He's not in trouble with me for it. It's just one of those things.
Your post concerns me.

Yogagirl123 · 31/08/2017 14:45

My DH wouldn't worry in the least, as long as I was ok, that would be his main concern.

MrsJoyOdell · 31/08/2017 15:57

DH would just be making sure I was ok, same as I would for him. Even minor scrapes can shake you up a bit!

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 31/08/2017 22:36

So he wasn't cross with you for scraping your car which you paid for?**

Phew. You must have been relieved.

Not at all. Like I said, if it had been his car, he'd probably have been cross. I'd have apologised, helped him get it fixed and we'd have put it behind us. I never thought he'd give me a hard time over damaging my own car...although I half expected some gentle ribbing about my driving. But no. He was nothing but nice about it, just as it should be.

Graceflorrick · 31/08/2017 22:38

Mine would laugh (and has done in similar circumstances previously).

SheepyFun · 31/08/2017 22:58

With most scuffs, we might try to work out who'd done it, and whether it was on a plastic bit (e.g. bumper) or metal bit (e.g. door) - we'd put some t-cut on the latter so it doesn't rust.

Given our last car was 16 years old when we got rid of it, and I'm hoping this one beats it, I don't think we'll be worrying about minor damage to the body when we get a new (to us) car.

Onthehighseas · 31/08/2017 23:04

Mine wouldn't be remotely bothered. I've just asked him how he would feel if I wrote it off, and he said he might be 'a bit irritated'

I've previously lived a life being afraid of a partner's response to things like this. Never again.

BurnThisDiscoDown · 31/08/2017 23:50

My DH would be really pissed off with me. Like shouting and silent treatment and stuff. Genuinely, is that not normal? I can't believe all you saying they wouldn't be bothered, I just can't imagine it.

SaltMarshPirate · 01/09/2017 00:01

Mine has never turned a hair, god love him, and I have given my very lovely car a battering. It is only metal.

MrsHathaway · 01/09/2017 00:01

Pissed off is normal - that is, it's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed when something expensive happens.

Shouting at your partner is not normal. Silent treatment is not normal. Abusers do those things routinely.

If you couldn't even calm him down and halt the punishing behaviour by saying something like "all right, keep your hair on, we can get the car fixed" then that's indicative of an unhealthy relationship and you might benefit from considering it more deeply.

Hugepeppapigfan · 01/09/2017 00:01

Mine gently makes fun of my driving skills. I drove into our garage once! I'm not a child for him to scold. Car bumped. No serious damage. I arranged the minor repair. Sorted.

Hugepeppapigfan · 01/09/2017 00:03

And actually my DP wouldn't scold a child or make a child wait in fear for his reaction.

EyesUnderARock · 01/09/2017 00:05

Mine would be interested, ask me how it happened and then potter off again. No drama or huffiness, because that would be illogical after the event.

Out2pasture · 01/09/2017 00:06

if I read your OP well you don't seem sure you did it?
honestly if you didn't remember hitting scraping anything I certainly wouldn't admit to it.
you may find out your dh did it and didn't think it was that noticeable until seen in a certain light.
don't be walking on eggshells for something you probably didn't do.
I've scraped a few cars in my lifetime, none without noticing it and having to correct my angle or get out and check if I needed to adjust my steering (turn the tires a different direction to reduce further damage etc.)

abigailgabble · 01/09/2017 00:10

he would take the piss out of me i expect

but then i do like to remind him of the time he reversed into my car

i did actually scrape not one but two very expensive panels against a lamppost a few months ago (tbf my first ever scrape!) i was so pathetic and heavily pregnant when he found me in the car park i was in floods of tears and all i got was sympathy.

DancingLedge · 01/09/2017 00:11

He would have entirely blamed me, been grumpy whilst denying being grumpy, and repeatedly make 'jokey' references to it.

For years after I ltb, when something went wrong, I'd find myself thinking, 'at least I've only got to deal with the thing, what a relief not to deal with his reaction as well. '

Graphista · 01/09/2017 00:19

So sad to read some of these responses.

My ex is a prize Dick at best of times. I had an accident 9 days after I booted him out (for cheating) our dd was in the back, I'd been driving less than 6 months. I was shaken up and couldn't drive. He came out to accident site, moved damaged car to side of road, drove us home and kept reassuring me the car was only a 'thing' and main thing was neither dd nor I hurt.

Things can be replaced, repaired, done without people matter more.

Hugepeppapigfan · 01/09/2017 07:53

Also my car currently has two scrapes on it from other people going into me in car parks (one was a note left on my windscreen with no details so definitely wasn't me!).

Peanutbuttercheese · 01/09/2017 07:59

The thing that stands out in your post as well is your not sure if you did it or if it just appeared. Lots of cars get scratched while parked but did you not look when you thought you may have scuffed the car.

Mine would call me daft and I would call him the same if it happened. I wouldn't be remotely scared though.MrsHathaways post makes perfect sense.

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