Partner's lack of interest in sex

[SeekingandGivingGoodAdvice]

I wonder if anyone can give some advice on this issue. I have been married for over 20 years. We have children, and have had our ups and downs, but remain together. Around 7 years or so ago my wife began to lose interest in sex. I would not say we had a massively active sex life, but all the same, it was noticeable. I have discussed it with her, but she tells me she is not really interested in sex. I still find her attractive, and we get one well, but I am finding it very, very difficult to be with someone who is effectively off bounds. It has gotten to the stage where we can go for well over a month without sex, and even then it is a brief affair. I am at a loss, as I do not think I can stay in such a situation much longer. Does anyone have advice?

Have you instigated a proper, sit down conversation about it at all recently?

I think you need to. Children do of course make many women less interested in sex...but if a woman values the relationship, she should, in my opinion work with her partner to work out why it is that she's no longer into sex.

It can be hormonal, or down to sheer exhaustion...or that they're just not interested in their partner any longer.

Have you changed a lot physically? Has she?

I lost interest for some years when my DC were smaller...then a good talk with my husband made me realise that I needed to work with him to fix it...he felt lonely and sad that I wasn't interested.

We worked out that I needed the kids OUT of the house...so they stay with their grandparents at least one night a week..I also need a lot of affection generally...so not when sex is on the cards...but daily...to be told I'm pretty etc.

Thank you for the advice. Yes, a conversation is required. On other matters you mentioned, we have passed the kids stage (which as you say presents difficulties), they now being in their late teens, although with more time to ourselves, sex and romance feature less. I have not changed much - I am the same weight as when 30, but maybe I am not mentally the man my wife hoped I would be. I have read that one issue concerning lack of sex drive may be coil-based birth control.