Hey ladies.
Quite a long one. Please don't judge!
I have a 18 month old who's dad and I parted before he was born. I've been with my current boyfriend just over a year and we've spoken about baby #2!
He says he doesn't wanna move in together yet though. He doesn't wanna have to pay my rent and me loose income support.
We've been trying for two months.
At the start of the relationship I used to go out a lot and so did he. And whenever we argue he brings up that I used to go out and accuses me of stuff. I know truly if he believed anything had happened he would of ended it. I've caught him watching porn and when I've tried dressing up and saying stuff like 'spank me' he just tells me it's slutty and he worries that I behave like that when he's not around. I send him photos all day every day of what I'm doing. Who I'm texting. Where I am. If anyone's been. What I'm eating. I can fart and he knows about it.
I keep finding myself day dreaming thinking I want better. Thinking of leaving him but been scared of been on my own. Waiting for my next period to see if this baby is going to happen. Last night he stayed over and I said 'leave if you want ' and he got up and Said I ordered him out the house and I explained 'it you want' is giving him the option to do something it's it telling him to. He's constantly betting and glued to his phone all weekend. Yeah he earns money so he can but 50+ quid a day on bets and glued to his phone all day and I mean all day!
I have his tea cooked when he's home. Baths ran. House clean. Clothes washed. I even put clean boxers and clothes in the bathroom for his bath. He wants it he gets it but when I say 'most girls wouldn't do this ' it's 'I'll go home then'
Recently I'm crying. I'm miserable. I'm in the house 24/7 with my LO, I barely eat because he wants us both to loose weight ( I'm a size 14) I can't remember when I last smiled or laughed.
Is this normal ? Am I depressed.
I'm not his ex. ( she cheated)
I've never ever been unfaithful to him. I dropped all my male friends. Deleted Facebook. Stopped going out. Stopped slot of things. I can't even go to shop without sending him photos
I love him,a lot! But my heads about to burst here!