SIL being a bitch wwyd?

[Teawithatwix]

Help please! SIL is causing huge problems, she is I think unstable but refuses to get help even though we have all spoken to her friendly and kindly as much as you can to offer any help. She regularly storms out of her home and throws DB's things on the floor and takes all photos of them off the walls, she refuses to speak to me, dh, ds and dd and dp's when she's in a mood. This is because she hasn't got her own way over something. Our whole family bends over backwards to help her - we regularly change our plans to dogsit for her when she's working and seriously never get a thank you from her, db has also had enough as she's so rude to him but he's loyal and doesn't know what to do. She has threatened him, hit him, sworn at him and sent him vile texts while she's in these moods. Then suddenly she's all ok again and expecting everyone to come to her beck and call. She goes into such black moods there is nothing anyone can do to bring her out of this. Any helpful suggestions welcomed.

Help your db pack?
Pandering to her demands is making matters worse. She sounds like a diva and your db needs to spell it out to her. . Or leave.

No mention of children- stop enabling her and encourage your brother to get out.

I'm so sorry you have to watch your DB go through this, it's heartbreaking.

I joined Mumsnet a few years ago to get advice about a family member who is exactly like you describe.

The difference being that even when she is acting "suddenly ok again", she hasn't forgotton the perceived crime that you committed and your next punishment usually isn't too far away. She has terrible rages and violent outbursts that make people want to run as far as they can in the opposite direction, yet she can't grasp why they wouldn't want to come and spend lots of time with her.

Her DH is long suffering and no one understands why he is still with her. She constantly argues, belittles and puts him down in front of people and that's on a good day.

If, as in your case, her DH were my brother, I'd be encouraging him to leave. She needs professional help but I can imagine she would go off on one if he or anyone else dared suggest it to her, explain to him that he will be helping her by leaving until she agrees to seek help.

By continuing to put up with this abuse, he is telling her that her behaviour is acceptable and has no consequences. He probably knows there is a nice person in there somewhere and he is hoping it will surface eventually but it won't, not so long as he allows her to use him to feed that side of her personality it will just get stronger.

Very best of luck.

Is there a reason behind it? Your db may be unlikely to divulge problems in his marriage to the rest of you. Not excusing her behaviour, but you might not have all pertinent information. My IL think the sun shines out of dh's bum. They don't have a clue!