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Original poster

I am annoyed by niece's Christmas list

93 replies

user1475236059 · 13/12/2016 16:25

My 13 year old niece (SIL DD) sent me a whatsapp image of a christmas list she drew up. this list contains names of uncles and aunts and what christmas gift she wants from them. the gifts prices ranged from £15 to £25 and she assigned a gift to each aunt or uncle (my husband and i are supposed to get her 2 separate gifts). i am both annoyed and confused, it came across really arrogant and entitled to me. I spoke to her mom about it and she laughed it off. my kids are toddlers but i will never think its ok for them to send out a list like that. she didn't even attach a polite message with it. on one hand, she is my fave niece from my husband's side, she adores my toddlers and is always eager to help me with baby stuff whenever she is available. on the other hand, the list annoyed the hell out of me. she asked for a beauty set that costs £20. her mom lets her wear make up. WWYD, just buy the gift, buy one jointly with DH or just ignore her completely

OP posts:

ShadowMane · 13/12/2016 17:19

I'd give her a tenner in a card.

i'd be tempted to just give her a card....

MycatsaPirate · 13/12/2016 17:20

If she'd done a wish list and it had been sent out to 10 aunts and uncles, she could possibly have ended up with duplicates.

What she's done is marginally tacky but actually makes life easier for everyone.

I would tell her you presume the two things allocated to you and your DH is so you can choose which one to buy and make it clear you won't be buying both.

But considering she's actually a nice kid and you like her, I'd let it go and just get the present she wants. You can always bookmark the other thing for her birthday?

MTWTFSS · 13/12/2016 17:23

Send her family your list!!!

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BringMeTea · 13/12/2016 17:23

I am genuinely surprised at how many people think this is ok or funny. At 13 there is NO way I would have dreamt of doing something like this. I agree it must certainly be backed by her parents. Awful behaviour. I am gobsmacked at the expectation of one each from aunt and uncle. Bollocks to that. Not sure what I would do but pretty sure I wouldn't be buying my 'assigned' request!

diddl · 13/12/2016 17:24

I'd only get one present & depending on what your husband is down for I might get that if you really don't want to get her the make up.

Are 13yr olds really so clueless?

I guess it does come from the parents.

We tended to get small stuff from Aunts & Uncles anyway-selection box, Avon stuff, socks...

rookiemere · 13/12/2016 17:25

Like I've said up-thread - Amazon wish list is the way to go, that way once the gift has been purchased then it can be removed from the list.

I generally go with money/amazon vouchers in envelopes these days for people if there is no wish list or indication of what they would want. This year to break with tradition I've bought my friends DDs presents - DD1,13 - a makeup bag, and DD2 - 10, some branded socks. Bet they wish they'd rather got the money.

BringMeTea · 13/12/2016 17:27

Gamerwidow That is poor manners too. And the age thing makes it worse. I decided last year that I was not buying after the age of 21 for nieces and nephews (especially as have never received so much as a card from any of them). And yet I have still ended up buying 3 'small' gifts for all of them. .

rookiemere · 13/12/2016 17:29

This year I walked DH round the Bobbi Brown counter at Frasers and pointed out exactly what I wanted. Then as it was 15% off that day, I had a coffee elsewhere whilst he bought it .

I guess that makes me rude, entitled and grabby. But I'd rather he spent £100 on stuff I really want than £500 on a weirdy silvery feather necklace that I ended up having to exchange for multiple items because they didn't do refunds.

I hate wasting money on stuff people don't want and I'm under no illusions that I am capable of finding the perfect gift. I find it a bit wearing when you get something that says a lot more about the giver than you and you're meant to ooh and ahh over it, even though it's something you really don't want and you're never going to use.

expatinscotland · 13/12/2016 17:30

So am I, Bring. But judging from MN, seems the way people are now about gifts. God forbid they ever get something they don't like or a duplicate! Why not just ask for hte cash, then, it's what people do in other cultures ?

BlackNo1 · 13/12/2016 17:32

It does sound like the gifts have been assigned.
I would definitely buy her something she'd like - definitely a joint gift - but one that's not on the list! (if it's a beauty set just buy her one you think she would like only different). It's lovely to be surprised!

Ah to be 13 again and think the world revolves around you
A few more years of this and your SIL won't be 'laughing it off'.
Be thankful she's your niece and not your daughter .

justwanttoweeinpeace · 13/12/2016 17:35

I don't see the problem with buying either the gift selected for you or your DH. Two gifts is a bit much.

I'd def send an equally grabby list on behalf of your toddlers though. Either they'll catch on that it's a bit entitled or they'll happily be buying a mountain of stuff for your kids. Win win!

Sneery · 13/12/2016 17:36

Reply with the word

Rood!

(Teen speak for rude)

Or, do a funny OTT list for yourself and send it to her.

Floggingmolly · 13/12/2016 17:36

I'd be mortified if one of my kids had done this. And the mum "laughed it off"?

youarenotkiddingme · 13/12/2016 17:38

Wish lists are perfectly OK IMO if asked for.

Demanding lists are not.

My mum is one of many siblings and they spend about £10 on each kid (you get a present if your niece/ nephew or great niece nephew under 18).
We get asked for ideas. They sort between themselves what they get - it'll be something from list or something similar or something they see and think child will like.

I've always told Ds to give me ideas so if people want to buy him a present then they could chose to chose something from his list. He's 12.

teaandakitkat · 13/12/2016 17:44

I'd be quite relieved. I find buying for my niece tricky because she's so much older than my kids, I'm not sure what she might want.

But I'd just choose one thing between me and oh, definitely not two.

manhowdy · 13/12/2016 17:45

Send her one back telling her what she can buy you and DH.

WannaBe · 13/12/2016 17:48

She's a teenager. thirteen year olds are not known for their tact or diplomacy. I suspect there may be more to this I.e. That her mum has asked what she wants for Christmas or perhaps even one of the relatives on the list and she's taken this to heart and written out her list accordingly.

I wouldn't want my own (fourteen year old) child to do thiS, however if he did then it would be up to me to give him some guidance as to why you don't just send out an assigned list, even if in your head that seems the practical solution.

I wouldn't do any of the things suggested above such as just send a card or send back emogi's or "rude," or brand her a rude and entitled brat. But as her mum doesn't seem to think it's wrong I would have a chat with her given you have a decent relationship, and say "at thirteen sending out a specified list with names can come across as rude and entitled. You really don't want to come across like that, because people will very easily react to it in a negative way, even if that wasn't how you meant it to come across."

As you say that she's helpful on the whole and generally a good kid, I really do think that it's more likely that she's just had a common sense failure. Teenagers can come across as spectacularly blunt and rude at times, and not even mean to, and for people who don't have teenagers it can be hard to swallow. Actually for people who do have teenagers it can be hard to swallow, but generally we know that, as with toddlers, this is often a phase and will pass, and in the meantime we offer guidance through gritted teeth. .

Wetcappuccino · 13/12/2016 17:49

I agree it is rude and entitled - but isn't everyone (to a greater or lesser extent) at 15? At that age you think you are the centre of the universe. If she is generally a nice kid, it's hardly the worst thing she could do. And I personally would rather get her something she wants and has asked for than something "off list" to make a point. Her parents should not be encouraging it and it is a shame they have not taken it on board when pointed out. But I would not upset her over it.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 13/12/2016 17:49

Yanbu, her parents need to teach her some manners. You don't send a list unless you are asked. What is the world coming to!

MarjorieSimpson · 13/12/2016 17:50

Do they do Christmas list at their house?
We do have each a Christmas list us one specific one that we give to my PIL and one we give to my parents.
I'm just wondering if this isn't what she has seen doing (esp if her mum just laughed it off).
We do that because it makes everything much easier for everyone round.

Tbh I would get her one gift if that's what you feel like spending (none of the presents are crazy price wise, £20 is what we spend for our nieces), two if you feel like it because actually she does help you quite a lot and you seem appreciative of it.
That way you will know she will like it too!

Konyaa · 13/12/2016 17:51

JUst noting that she your SIL's daughter...and that its her mother that lets her wear make up. What does her Dad do then? Does/does not let her wear make up? She is also surely his daughter? The number of times any issue with kids is linked immediately to their mothers is amazing.

Sneery · 13/12/2016 17:59

If this was my niece I would send a message saying that I find it a bit rude and that asking for a present from each Aunt and Each Uncle is a bit much. I'd do it in a friendly way though.

Hi Niece, I just got your whattsapp. I love you dearly 'n all but I don't know if you realise that sending a list list like that comes across as a bit forward!! . Its OK if people have asked for one but not so good to just send it out especially as there was no please or thank you. Also its a bit much to ask for a present from both Ungle Joe and me separately. We don't usually spend that much. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know as I'm sure you didn't mean your message to come across as rude. Uncle Joe and I will get you the make up kit. I bet you are excited for Xmas. We are looking forward to seeing you

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/12/2016 18:10

"Why would she take the risk of getting the same thing 5 times? That's a waste of money and ridiculous."

Is it better that she runs the risk of pissing people off and getting NO gifts at all, 1horatio??

Serialweightwatcher · 13/12/2016 18:19

rookiemere being with your own DH and spending the money which is both of yours is not the same as a 13 year old sending a not even particularly polite message of demands - you weren't rude and grabby, you are together - not the same at all

P1nkP0ppy · 13/12/2016 18:27

She sounds like a presumptuous, greedy little madam to me 😳
It's different if you asked her what would she like.
I'd stick a fiver in a card at a push; she has no manners whatsoever and I would have been horrified if that had been my daughter.

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