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Original poster

15 yr old Neice abused my 2 yr old son

86 replies

Charliebr0wn · 19/11/2016 13:32

I can't believe this has happened to my child. It has turned our family upside down. I am thankful my son is unaware and is 100% fine health wise, mentally and physically since the incident.
I cannot forgive my neice. It has been extra difficult with the offender being family. She has not admitted to her indecent behaviour even though there was physical proof. Her parents and our extended family have tried to force happy families again. I can't and won't pretend like everything is OK. It makes me sick beyond belief. Do any of you have any help or advice please? Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliebr0wn · 19/11/2016 16:36

Yes they have, as advised by our family doctor whom I contacted first

OP posts:
DoItTooJulia · 19/11/2016 16:51

Charlie you just stick to your guns. Don't go to family events or anything. It's ok to go no contact with your family.

Flowers
MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/11/2016 17:00

Of course you can't see your niece any time soon.

I don't understand why social services aren't involved with you anymore, it sounds very confusing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2016 18:17

I haven't had the same experience as you. But one, where we were ganged up on and when dd was only a baby. The whole family also tried to minimise the situation and sweep it under the carpet. It didn't matter that our dd was the injured party. Dh and especially I (as it was my family) were labelled as the unreasonable ones. I was bullied and made to feel worthless. Nothing new there actually with my family. But they stepped it up a notch.

CookieDough that doesn't surprise me. People can be so disgusting. They're minimising and condoning abuse. No way would l want my child to be anywhere near this troubled teen. I'm sorry you children both had to go through this ordeal.

ninenicknames · 19/11/2016 20:08

SS will be involved. Just wait, they have to act. IMHO they will ask YOU to not have contact with niece & you don't comply YOU will be "at risk" for putting your child at risk.

So NC is your only option!!!

ninenicknames · 19/11/2016 20:11

As PP said "why would you risk putting your DS in danger"

SS will ask you this question, and if you don't answer with what they want to hear, woah behold you'll be on a child in need plan before you know it.

I'm not scaremongering. I've seen this happen.

CookieDoughKid · 19/11/2016 20:25

Awwww...thanks mummydragon. Not wishing to detract but op - i've pm'd you. Don't feel you have to reply. Some wonderful mumsnetters on here and tbh, I don't think I could have rode the storm without the. I'm so thankful to have a 3rd party objective view as family pressure can be immense. You end up doubting yourself!! Have some Cake . I certainly needed it.

CookieDoughKid · 19/11/2016 20:26

Them not the.

IEatCannibals · 19/11/2016 20:32

Well I assume as you've reported it and "it's on her record" that she's now a convicted sex offender and therefore there won't be an issue about whether or not to have contact? In fact I wouldn't have thought that social services would allow it??

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/11/2016 20:55

Sadly familial sexual abuse isn't treated in the same way as if it was stranger by society and it should be.

BIWI · 19/11/2016 20:57

How have you been able to PM THE OP when message poster has been disabled?

BIWI · 19/11/2016 20:57

That was to cookie dough

nailslikeknives · 19/11/2016 21:07

Your niece seems to display behaviour characteristic of children who have been abused. Considering that most abuse is committed by someone known to the victim, then I'm really sorry to say, your niece could have been abused by a family member or close family friend.
Add that to the pressure being put on you to sweep matters under the rug and I would suggest keeping constant visual contact with your son when/if you choose to visit.
Sorry op.

oleoleoleole · 19/11/2016 21:16

Please don't ever be in your nieces company again. It is likely she has suffered similar abuse. She ought to be charged with sexual assault and put on the sexual offenders list. She very determinedly committed the act of abuse, it was premeditated.

For all of,those reasons I would detach yourself from any time you may be in her company. Also I wouldn't trust ANY of the relatives who are trying to play it down. They are aiding and abetting the crime and minimising it.

I know how,you feel and am very sorry.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/11/2016 21:21

It's simply not true that all sexual abusers are abused. Not saying she wasn't but just putting it out there.

divineinterruption · 19/11/2016 21:25

Well we don't know what happened OP, but I think your main concern and focus now must be to protect your son. If it causes offense in your wider family then so be it, your son relies on you to protect him. you may have to re-think any contact with other family members in case they allow your niece access to your son.

Original poster
Charliebr0wn · 19/11/2016 21:49

Thank you all again, I'm sorry for my late reply, it's been a busy day with my young family.

I am relieved that most of you feel the same as myself. Even though she is my niece, I cannot bear to be around her since it happened. I thought it was possible for relationships to get better with her parents and grandparents but if they continue to disrespect my feelings I will have to become more distant. I already visit less.
My niece has only been in my families company once since the incident and that was only because we didn't know she was going to be there. I felt so angry and betrayed that night I couldn't sleep. How my parents and saw that as OK for my son is beyond me.
It has been a very difficult time recently, especially as this is our only family nearby we have recently had a baby daughter too.
Cookie I have read your message, I will reply Asap!

OP posts:
BIWI · 20/11/2016 00:14

I'm puzzled about the sending and receipt of private messages, seeing as for most people for the last couple of days this facility hasn't been available. How have you managed it?

GrabtharsHammer · 20/11/2016 00:15

You can still do it on the mobile site.

NumbNelly · 20/11/2016 01:40

BIWI I use the mobile site om Chrome and it's still there. Are you suggesting the OP is not genuine?

AcrossthePond55 · 20/11/2016 02:35

BIWI you can still PM on the desktop site by using messaging on your 'My Mumsnet' tab. You just select 'my inbox'.

BIWI · 20/11/2016 09:28

No! I was genuinely asking as in the desktop site the pm button has disappeared. I don't use the mobile version very often Smile

NumbNelly · 20/11/2016 19:44

Oh BIWI my apologies. I thought it was a thinly veiled troll hunt

BIWI · 20/11/2016 19:50

Oh no. That's what 'report post' is for.

But I was commenting on the lack of 'button' for messaging the poster - which some people seemed still to be able to access.

So for clarity, you can still send PMs:

a) if you're on the mobile site
b) if you know the poster's name and can send messages through your MN account

AcrossthePond55 · 21/11/2016 02:29

BIWI Now I'm the person with a question! How do you PM on the mobile site? You mean the MN App? I don't see a message poster button there, either.

Maybe between our two brains we'll figure this out!

And yes re messaging on the desktop. I usually highlight/paste the user name from the thread to the PM via my MN account.

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