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Original poster

15 yr old Neice abused my 2 yr old son

86 replies

Charliebr0wn · 19/11/2016 13:32

I can't believe this has happened to my child. It has turned our family upside down. I am thankful my son is unaware and is 100% fine health wise, mentally and physically since the incident.
I cannot forgive my neice. It has been extra difficult with the offender being family. She has not admitted to her indecent behaviour even though there was physical proof. Her parents and our extended family have tried to force happy families again. I can't and won't pretend like everything is OK. It makes me sick beyond belief. Do any of you have any help or advice please? Thank you

OP posts:

sarahnova69 · 19/11/2016 14:15

I find it hard to believe that my neice has ever been abused herself, she has always been a difficult child, stealing and lying.

'A difficult child' who has stolen and lied is pretty much a textbook definition of a child who has suffered abuse at some point. Happy, secure children don't usually steal and lie.

That said, that is not really the OP's issue - her responsibility is to her son. But I wanted to point out that children who are abused generally DON'T have the background of angels, and a reputation for lying (because of problems introduced by abuse) tragically stops many children being believed when they confess their abuse.

BIWI · 19/11/2016 14:16

Are you new to MN, Charlie?

MidnightVelvetthe7th · 19/11/2016 14:16

How did your niece explain the nappy & clothes?

And social worker don't usually 'confront' then disappear without trace.

MidnightVelvetthe7th · 19/11/2016 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

goddessofsmallthings · 19/11/2016 14:17

She has not admitted to her indecent behaviour even though there was physical proof

Are you saying that when your ds was medically examined it was established that he had been sexually abused?

DId the police examine your niece's mobile phone and computer equipment?

Was your niece babysitting your ds in your home? Do you own the dog whose hair was found in your ds's nappy?

You've said the incident "was reported" and "it is on her record", but "she has not admitted to her indecent behaviour". If the police issued a caution it is tantamount to an admission of guilt on the part of the offender.

lottieandmia · 19/11/2016 14:18

'she has always been a difficult child, stealing and lying.'

No child is born 'difficult' I would not want to see them again either OP, but mainly because her family must be abusive if she's like this and also abused your son. You must all be very shaken up.

TheBouquets · 19/11/2016 14:19

OP I hope your DS is OK and never has any memory of this.

I don't actually understand what has gone on but the fact that the sister was told to stay out of the room is dodgy.

It just horrifies me when I hear of kids being abused.

Try to get some counselling through GP.

Coconutty · 19/11/2016 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaliDiNozzo · 19/11/2016 14:22

I got the impression the OP probably didn't mean the nappy was literally full of dog hair. I describe my jumper as being covered in dog hair when there's a handful of them on there.

Like I said though, I suspect there is a lot more to this that the OP hasn't said, and neither should she have to. I can't see anyone assuming abuse based solely on what the OP has described so there will be more to it.

OP if this happened fairly recently, you may find that the reactions your family have had aren't really how they are feeling. I think it's fairly natural when something bad happens for the initial reaction to just be to make everything okay again and 'back to normal'. Once everything has 'settled' you will probably find you have more support. I know that's probably not a comfort in the short term however.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 19/11/2016 14:26

I suggest nobody offers or requests any more information before MNHQ have taken a look.

AngryVagina · 19/11/2016 14:29

I would hope that given the niece now has the incident on her record (though not sure what that means as such), there has been more proof than mentioned so far.

Oakmaiden · 19/11/2016 14:32

Agree wholeheartedly with Tali - there is no reason at all the OP should give us any more information.

However, it does make a WWYD thread pointless. I don't know what ?I would do, because ?I don't know the facts. I know that the child was undressed and redressed incorrectly when the niece was alone with him, and that the OP accused the niece of abuse which the niece denied. I know nothing else. So I can't say what I would do. If the information I have been given is ALL that there is then I would assume the 15 year old was playing mummies (and my 13 year old is obsessed with babies and would love to pretend to be mummy if she could get her hands on a real live baby/toddler so I wouldn't find it that odd). So my answer would be - I would assume nothing had happened.

Extra info might change my answer - but I don't have that information. I assume OP does - and there is no obligation on her to share it, as said. But really without it our answers are pointless.

Original poster

Charliebr0wn · 19/11/2016 14:49

Thanks all for your responses.
My ds is perfectly fine, that was our number one concern and he has not been left alone with my neice since.
I am new here. I joined in the hope to get some anonymous support as I have no one else to talk to. Perhaps this was the wrong place to post.
Like I already said it has been reported. I should have said in my original post.
It is extremely difficult to talk about. I just don't know where to go from here.
How do I include my neice now? I can barely look at her.
When other family members pressure us into playing happy families how many chances do you give them to back off?
I understand my neice needs help. That is not my place to advise her parents.
I hope that our family circle relationship can improve over time, but not at the expense of brushing a serious issue under the carpet, which I feel is what has happened so far.

OP posts:

gillybeanz · 19/11/2016 14:49

I am so sorry for your son OP and also think the niece needs help.
The lying and stealing is shouting out for attention, just like children who are being abused.
It sounds like your niece has been or is being abused OP, very sorry.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/11/2016 14:50

midnight

It happens all the time when 15yo+ but under 18's are the perpetrators it's wrong and it shouldn't happen but it does

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/11/2016 14:53

Op can you be firm and just say "I will not be exposing my child to that risk again so stop asking me to"

Bluntness100 · 19/11/2016 14:54

This is very difficult, but yes if she physically or sexually assaulted your son, which I think it's what you're saying, clearly uou cannot be around her, I am stunned uour family could not see that.

However a child this age who does this, and who also has the classical symptoms of being difficult, lying and stealing, then I think the odds are high she is being or was also sexually abused herself and that's what's caused her problem behaviour and possibly whatever she's done to uour son.

I assume she is getting help as she is a child herself, but that's up to the authorities, for you, no I agree, I couldn't allow her to be with us again.

CookieDoughKid · 19/11/2016 14:54

Op - i will pm you. Something similar happened to my little one 3 at the time by his 15yo uncle (dh's brother) And we went to police. His uncle was also arrested on a seperate charge for peodo offences online. Can I just say every single one of my dh's family have tried to make light of this or refused to acknowlege the crime or blamed me. And to this end we are no longer in touch with over 30 members of his and extended family. It was traumatic. You won't get people on your side or supporting you easily as they would rather downplay/ normalise or sweep it under the carpet.

Im so sorry this has happened. It rocked our marriage as I nearly left dh at one point. You will get through this but for now. One step at a time.

Chinlo · 19/11/2016 14:56

How do I include my neice now? I can barely look at her.
When other family members pressure us into playing happy families how many chances do you give them to back off?

Assuming you know 100% that something untoward happened (because we don't know everything):

I would not include the niece.
I would not want to sabotage my relationships with my siblings/in-laws, but I would tell them very matter-of-factly and firmly that I am no longer comfortable with me or my family being around the niece. I would let them know that we wouldn't all be socialising together for the foreseeable future.

CookieDoughKid · 19/11/2016 14:59

charlie my best advice is do what you think is best. Dont bow to pressure not even to your other half. I will pm you. Its a very rough ride Im afraid but lots of mumsnetters have been through similar. Im extremely hardline against child abuse of all kinds especially against toddlers and babies. What I have learnt is that many many people are not includinh nearest and dearest. So you wonder why abuse happens the majority in close families. Its a fucking coverup

PacificDogwod · 19/11/2016 15:00

Has your niece commented at all on events?
Gave her version of what happened?
Tried to justify herself?

This is just such an unusual scenario.

In the described situation, I would cut all contact with the girl AND her parents, hard as it may be.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/11/2016 15:03

Why would you allow anymore contact? Why pput your child in danger again?

CookieDoughKid · 19/11/2016 15:12

Tomorrow Good questions. However Im sure the op is under so much pressure by her families to forget about it and allow access again. They are selfish bastards who refuse to deal with the awful crime in their family.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/11/2016 15:35

We cut contact with someone in our family for something similar. I would never restart contact as risk would be too great for DS.

ohtheholidays · 19/11/2016 15:46

Speak to the NSPCC and SS again!

The childrens services can't brush something like this under the carpet no matter how much they may want to,there is every chance your niece has been being abused and still is!

Talk to your family and put them straight,people can and do act really stange alot of the time if something like this happens they have a really hard time understanding what's happened and sadly alot of familys will then try to ignore that anything bad has happened.

You can't and shouldn't ignore this or brush over it,tell them that your DS and you will not have contact with your niece ever again!

It's very very unlikely that at 15 that your niece was playing Mum and the fact that she stopped her Sister from going into the room and seeing what she was doing sets of alarms as far as I'm concerned.

If your niece's Sister is younger or your Niece has contact with other young children boys and girls and she has time alone with them then SS should really be checking on those children as well.

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