wwyd - school bully?

[ClaudiaApfelstrudel]

my DD came home today a little bit upset and I thought she was ok but it turns out that somethings happened today at school to upset her. One of her better friends (although I'm not sure how good a friend) told her that some other girls who aren't in her form group have been talking about her behind her back. She apparently wouldn't tell my DD what had been said. It's difficult to know what exactly has happened and my DD sometimes finds it difficult to articulate herself. I'm struggling to know what to say to her other than that these things happen sometimes at school and that she could tell the teacher. My dd doesn't seem to have any trust in her form tutor to do anything about it. Should I not do anything and let my DD go to school tomorrow as its the weekend the day after? WWYD

Poor DD, you are right these things do sometimes happen but it's still not nice. If it were my DD, I would reassure her that people talking about her behind her back are obviously not nice girls and how lovely she is herself. If the "friend" won't tell her what they are saying she's not that great a friend, but maybe she did and your DD doesn't want to upset you by telling you what has been said? I would watch her behaviour and see how she goes but make it clear you are there if she wants to speak to you about anything bothering her and will try your best to help and advise. If it continued and your daughter seems "off" her usual self I would send an email in (let her know first), do you have email contact for pastoral support or head of year? Just to let them know and see if there is anything school may have noticed.

I hope you sent DD in and that she has had a better day than yesterday.

Not sure if useful to you or not, but the book 'Queen Bees and Wannabees' (don't like the title, but some of the book is helpful) explains the group dynamics and roles in girls friendships - the 'friend' is acting in the 'messenger' role here - and gives some tips about how to encourage your dd to deal with this kind of thing.

But if I was you I would just listen and cheer her up over the weekend and tell her to be sure to come back and tell you how it turns out - good or bad - kind of if you don't over react, she will be more likely to keep confiding in you so you can support her in how to deal with it?