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Original poster

Clean or look after child?

22 replies

Phalenopsisgirl · 07/10/2016 12:04

I keep pointing out to dh that I need a cleaner to help around the house at least one day a week and a gardener. His response is just pop dd in her high chair and 'wizz ' around for an hour a day. He really has no idea. It's a 6 bed house, 5 bathrooms, big garden (not low maintainence) I can keep on top of it if I put 25-30 hours a week in but with 6month dd I just feel it's not fair on her or me that she is constantly plonked in some baby restraining device or another. I had dreams once she is older of doing lovely crafts, country walks, activities and currently I think her first words will be 'hang on' or 'in a minute'. Feeling really worn down, my only breaks are like now when I'm attached to a breast pump.

OP posts:

Mum2twoUnder4 · 07/10/2016 12:09

Clean room to room and take her with you :)

Works with me.

pregnantat50 · 07/10/2016 12:09

I think you have to let some things slip a little when you have a young family and all the demands that entails. When I had my 3 children and also looked after my sisters 2 young girls plus a large home to maintain. My priorities changed, the house wasnt a tip but it definately wasnt a show home. In the end, however my ex agreed to have his sister clean a couple of mornings a week as she was in need of extra cash and it was him that wanted the house to be pristine when he came home at the end of the day.

I focused on the kids needs and when he came home would clean the areas that needed my entire attention once they were in bed or with him. It is hard work but fun too...remember housework will always be there, your children will only be young once

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/10/2016 12:11

Do it at the weekends when DH can help, half the time! If he doesn't like that idea then revisit the cleaner. Garden wise you'll be ok for 6ish months now won't you? But again I'd guess most things can be done at the weekends together? Again if he doesn't like that idea suggest you get a gardener!

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SolomanDaisy · 07/10/2016 12:13

Tell him that if you can't afford a cleaner then you will need to downsize to a smaller house so you can cope better. Personally I'd always focus on the baby rather than the cleaning, but my standards are pretty low.

welshweasel · 07/10/2016 12:13

She's reaching the age where she can amuse herself for a reasonable length of time. Put a throw on the floor, sit her on it and surround her with toys. Chat as you clean. I assume she naps a couple of times a day as well so use these. At weekends take it turns to entertain her whilst you do stuff round the house. I can't believe it takes 30 hours a week to clean the house. If it does you've got too much stuff or too high standards! Saying that, if you can afford it, there's nothing wrong with having a cleaner either.

MakeItStopNeville · 07/10/2016 12:17

You're cleaning for 30 hours a week?!! My house is big, I've got 4 kids and I don't do anywhere near that. And it's clean too!

I agree it's ok to let things slide without your home turning into a cess pit. It's possible to enjoy your baby and have a nice home too. That said, if it's really getting you down, just hire a cleaner yourself.

SheldonsSpot · 07/10/2016 12:17

Unless all 6 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms are used on a daily basis and you have 3 or more children, I can't imagine why it takes 25-30 hours a week to clean your house.

Close some rooms off, lower your standards a bit and 'officially' allocate some more of the housework to your DH.

dalmatianmad · 07/10/2016 12:24

30 hours a week cleaning?? Who stays in the 6 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms and makes such a mess??!!

Is this a "look at me I live in a mansion" type thread ffs??

I have a modest 3 bed semi with 1 bathroom and 1 separate toilet, both work full time, 3 dc and 2 dogs....
My house is very clean and I wouldn't consider and cleaner or gardener, each to their own, I prob spend about an hour a day, bit more on my days off......

MumiTravels · 07/10/2016 12:30

Life's too short. Do what needs doing but guest bedrooms don't need cleaning daily. Just make sure you flush toilets and run all taps 3 times a week to flush the system or stagnant water. Make sure your kitchen and main bathroom are clean and that you have a clean family room. DD room can't be a mess or mucky surely as all they do at that age is sleep there.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/10/2016 12:33

Close up the rooms you don't need. That'll save cleaning 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, for a start!
I used to have a cleaner when my DC were little; in 3 hours going full pelt ( fit young guy) he could clean kitchen and bathroom, and hoover the rest of a 3 bedroom house. No way could I have done that much in that time, and I used to go round frantically tidying ahead of him! If you've got tidying, laundry, meal prep and shopping to fit in as well, that is probably at 3 hours a day, if not more because you have to keep stopping to deal with the baby, so everything takes longer.
I always found gardening really hard to do with small children because of the sharp implements and potentially poisonous stuff- you can't really watch mobile DC and garden at the same time. A baby could go in a pram for a bit, but your DC will probably be mobile by next spring, so that's only temporary.
So if you want vto keep the garden looking nice, you will need a gardener, unless DH wants to do it. I'd suggest a cleaner would be good too, if you can afford it. Is DH's issue about money, or is he saying he thinks you're not doing enough?
Maybe he could demonstrate how to do it all while looking after the baby adequately?
I'm not sure from your post if yours is really a first world problem, what with your 6 bedrooms, or if your DH is being unreasonable, and a bit controlling. If you can afford help, then its not unreasonable for you to have it. Lots ( most ) women manage without bought in assistance, but it is hard, and I can't see why he'd want you to spend time cleaning rather than looking after your baby.

melibu84 · 07/10/2016 12:34

I really want to know how many people live in this house :D

If it's only the 3 of you, you don't need to clean all the bedrooms and bathrooms every week.

If all the rooms are being used up, and everyone is over the age of 4, get them involved in the cleaning ie a little tidying, a little hoovering ... Some kids find that stuff fun lol

MrsSecker · 07/10/2016 12:44

Buy a smaller house

SnakeWitch · 07/10/2016 12:49

You can't be using all those rooms. Just clean the parts you are using! A bit of dust in unused bedrooms isn't worth worrying about.

HelenaJustina · 07/10/2016 16:39

We're in a six bed, 4 bathroom house with 2 adults and 4 DC under 10. It is clean, tidy, presentable if someone dropped round unexpectedly. But I definitely do not spend 25-30hours a week on it! More like 5-6... I set the alarm and get up earlier than the DC during the week which helps fit it all in.

Original poster

Phalenopsisgirl · 07/10/2016 18:17

Thanks for the responses, 7 of us including myself so no, it is is a big house but we are not rattling around, 30 hours goes no where. I have tried the gardening with dd in a push chair, chat chat chat etc but realistically I can only get an hour or two done before she gets stroppy, same with housework.The garden needs a full day a week ( or digging up and turfing, but I do love the high maintenance herbaceous borders etc) I am in a constant war with bind weed that really means I can't turn my back for too long, we are renovating too so builders trampling through the downstairs daily leaving a film of dust. It's just getting on top of me a bit/lot, I feel I'm painting the forth bridge. I like the idea of letting dh 'show me how it is possible'. He can clean but for example would think that cleaning the kitchen meant wiping surfaces but not moving anything and wiping under the kettle, toaster etc, you get the picture.

OP posts:

Montie16 · 11/11/2016 14:51

lol I've had this recently after having 3rd baby. My response was this... I arranged a girly shopping day with a friend when other half was off work. I left baby at home with him along with the list of chores I'd ordinarily get done that day. Piece of cake he says, dunno why you make such a fuss he says!!! Anyway when I got back baby is grotty house is more of a mess than when I left it and I think he managed to do 2 chores from the list. He hasn't moaned since and now he has also taken over dinner cooking and the school runs to help out more. It's always easy till they have to do it themselves!

OlennasWimple · 11/11/2016 14:59

Who are the others living in the house apart from you, DH and the baby? Why aren't they helping?

LifeLong13 · 11/11/2016 15:02

My DH said similar things for a bit. Until I told him "I can clean anytime. I can't make memories any other time" he now helps tidy and doesn't moan about the house not being spotless

timeforachangeithink · 11/11/2016 15:04

A sling helps massively but your dh should be helping too. Tell him to get his finger out.

Kione · 11/11/2016 15:05

I am booking a one off clean for my kitchen as soon as I start on maternity leave (3 weeks!). DP doesn't know. I don't care.

Kione · 11/11/2016 15:06

Oh forgot to add, then I hope I can keep on top of things then; but thinking of having it done once or twice a year as he doesn't want a cleaner either.

BackforGood · 11/11/2016 15:07

I think we need more detail. Who are the other 4 people ?
Is there a reason they aren't weighing in / keeping their own bedrooms / bathroom tidy?
If they are still little then you'd presumably need to supervise them in the bathroom so will all use the same one. If old enough to have own bathroom then are old enough to keep it clean.

Also depends on things like finance - if you can spend £20 - £40 a week on help without it denting your budget, then why not? If that's going to make a serious dent in other spending, then you need to decide how important it is to you.

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