Unruly teenager

[Mamaonthedge16]

I am at a loss of what to do. My 14 year old son is being so disrespectful. He keeps leaving the house without permission, coming back as he pleases. I suspect he is smoking. I also found a phone on him which I am unsure of its origins, so possibly stealing. He will not speak to me or listen. It's like he just doesn't care. I'm am tired from it all and it is now impacting on his siblings. If he continues this path, he will end up in one place only! Help

Do you have a partner or is his father around? What approaches have you tried to get through to him? Have you tried spending quality time with him just you and him. Obviously, you will get different advice when more experienced people respond, but I personally would start with the 'love bombing' approach. I would take him out, just you and him made for a meal or to the cinema for a film of his choice (if you're able to) and try talking to him to see if there are any underlying issues to his behaviour. Really try and listen to him and let him see that you are there for him etc. I would try this approach first. If he is so disrespectful that you are unable to do this or his behaviour continued, I would then start cutting off any money, remove any technology (TVs, phones, radios etc) from his room and clearly explain the reason why. I would stop doing any washing, ironing, cooking food for him etc. Funny enough I remember when I was a teen and going through a rough patch and my parents did this to me. Two weeks of no clean clothes, no money, no phone and having to make my own food actually hit home how much I needed them and saw how lucky I had it. This worked for me at this age. If absolutely nothing is working, if maybe get in touch with the school for any help or advice. Good luck OP x

Thank you for the reply. No unfortunately his father is not around and never has been. My family moved away last year so he really only has me. He has 2 younger siblings. Apart from not washing his clothes or cooking, I have done all suggested. I make sure each time gets 1 to 1 as much as I can and involves trips out to basket ball games, concerts, meals etc. We have holidays. He has had all opportunity to access help if needed, ive sat and spoke to him but it's like he just tells me what I want to hear! At this point, he has no technology and is grounded but keeps going AWOL..he is also refusing to part take in his after school sorts club.

I feel your pain! Mine is 15 next week and I've had 3 years of pure hell with him! For some unexplained reason the past 5/6 weeks he seems to have had a personality transplant! He keeps coming to me for cuddles, bringing me cups of tea, he's been doing really well at school!

The cynical part of me wondered it it's because his birthday is coming up, but there is no way he could keep up the act this long!

Hang in there! I know it seems like you're fighting a losing battle but teenagers are awful creatures and hopefully he won't take as long as mine did to come out the other side!

Thank you MUjunkie. Nice to know I'm not alone. It's exhausting. They just can't see you only want the best for them! His mood was better yesterday but then he knows he's in trouble so he will be.

It really is exhausting! It's like talking to brick wall isn't it! I just wanted you to know you're not alone and if you wasn't a chat I'm here, even if you want to pm me! And to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel! It's sooo hard, and heartbreaking to think they are throwing their life away! I spent a good part of the last few years sobbing believe me!