Long lost family

[user1472725444]

i have just found my dad is not my real father. i have found my real dad and found out i have a sister and 2 nieces. i have meet up with them a few times and my real dad doesn't seem that bothered to contact me it is always me contacting him. i have meet my sister on a few occasions but i still feel really uncomfortable around her and her family. i am not a very social person anyway. i would like to move forward with a relationship but don't know how.

Have you tried writing/ emailing for a bit? Sometimes a good way to build up a relationship if face to face feels funny.

My dad found out on his 60's he was adopted. It turned out his birth certificate was a forgery.

He was 'adopted' with his bio sister and has since found they have seven other siblings. He was able to meet his bio mother before she died.

It was all too much for him really but his new wife wanted to meet them all. He finds it easier to deal with a couple of his brothers rarther than all of them en mass.

They call and meet up occasionally to do a hobby they both enjoy but nothing is expected from them. It suits him seeing them as friends rarther than family iyswim

Can you have a frank conversation with them about what kind of relationship is possible

I've in the past been willing to meet long lost family, but I will never consider them family, family are the people (related or not) who I grew up with or watched grow up.

I have ended up cutting contact because one wanted a "family" type relationship with me, which IMO is impossible, we're not family, we didn't share the same upbringing or christmasses etc. It became awkward.

I was willing to meet her, I was willing to get to know her, and have some sort of friendship if we ended up clicking (which we did, initially, until she became a bit "much"). But she's not my family.

Your long lost relatives may or may not feel this way, but it might be worth having the conversation to avoid you being disappointed, and them finding you potentially over bearing for them in your level of contact.