Should I keep an ex-friends secrets?

[Samadams1]

I have been friends with one girl since secondary school. However, she hasn't been a great friend. When I did better than her at Uni, made more friends etc she would always be very negative and put me down in front of people. This eventually came to a head and I have decided to cut her out of my life. I was very open as to why I was doing this and said so to her face. However, she has spent a lot of time slagging me off to joint friends behind my back and pressurising them to stop talking to me / not invite me to events. I have not said one bad word about her to our joint friends. Understandable I am very upset and angry. I know a lot about her past that our other friends don't know. Including lies she has told, engaged men she has slept with and trouble she has started within the group. Do I spill the beans in an ultimate act of revenge?

No. it sounds like she's in a losing battle, and a terrible place. Who would want to be her. Keep the moral high ground.

How old are you? Seriously you sound as bad as each other

Great idea. Do it. What could possibly go wrong?

Do you know, I reckon that if you'd spent as much time thinking seriously about what you've written as you spent typing it, you'd already have your answer.

I imagine people who have secrets would be very negative

And big hair.

You don't seem to even like this woman at all.

I mean to have ever liked her...

No don't.

Unless you're a singer/songwriter it's unlikely to be worth it. If you've decided to cut her out, I think a clean break is going to better so you don't keep getting drawn in to her drama.

Of course you don't! You'd just be acting in a nasty manner and people may quite rightly back off from being friends with you.

No, definitely not. I fell out with someone I'd known since school too - she betrayed me in quite a significant way. I was incredibly hurt and, once, on a night out with mutual friends and after a few hundred wines and a bit of goading, I spilled a couple of secrets from years ago she'd trusted me with.

I felt AWFUL the next day. I feel guilty even writing this down. She'd told me what she did when we were huge parts of one another's lives and I felt like a total bitch for devaluing that, even if our friendship was over.

Don't do it! Learn from me. It's like wine! Will feel like a good idea at the time but not so much for a few days years after.

Why would you do something so spiteful and childish?

All you'd be doing is showing your friends you're untrustworthy!

No. You should always honour your promises to keep a secret no matter what subsequently happens. Obviously there's exceptions to the rules but dimply revenge isn't one of them.

"Do I spill the beans in an ultimate act of revenge?"

Are Loose Women now scouring the boards for chat show fodder?

Yes tell everyone and then let us know how many shits they give. Good grief.

Do it. Fuck 'em.

At the moment she's not exactly coming across all that great to your mutual contacts. Don't interrupt her while she's making that mistake. Keep her secrets. Besides, it's probably doing her head in wondering whether you've spilled the beans already and this is part of her damage control.

I hope she has no secrets of yours to spill.

I wouldn't. I think deliberately trying to bitchy will only make you look really petty. I had an opportunity where I could have done similar, but felt better that I chosen not to - I walked away with my head held high and that meant more to be longer term than short lived revenge.

Of course not.

And if you do, you might find you have rather fewer friends.

Of course you shouldn't. Some friends of mine treated me badly, I know a lot of their secrets. I would never spill them, even if it has seemed tempting once or twice. I would rather be the better person.

I keep all sorts of secrets, not primarily out of respect for any individual involved but because it makes sense to do so (and of course there is an element of respect). I also don't gossip. I used to be friends with two people who were also friends. They had a disagreement and stopped being friends and over time I grew apart from one of them. She did not want me to tell the other friend a thing she'd said - I never have, to do so would have been spiteful anyway. If the secret is meaningless in the grand scheme of things then telling will say more about you than it does about her.