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Original poster

no wedding invite

88 replies

rubybleu2 · 20/05/2016 14:03

An old friend of ours, who we meet with maybe once a year at an annual charity bash, sent us a message around christmas announcing her plans to marry, telling us she would love us to be part of her day,and at the beginning of the year sent us a 'save the date' card, asking us to keep August bank hol weekend free, (night before drinks/ breakfast the morning after, no actual details such as venue or times), and a link to a shop website & gift list, as its over 200 miles each way, we decided to book to stay over 2 nights,(I'm sure the bride would be aware of the booking through mutual friends) and purchased a e voucher from the shops website as a gift, which I'm sure she would be able to see this...... since then I've noticed the odd comment on facebook 'wedding budgets suck' 'If only I could afford my dream cake' etc..... we are yet to receive a formal invite, I'm thinking we may have been culled in the budget? Do u think if we were going, we would of have had the invite by now, or is it too soon ? should I wait a while before I ask ? I would really like to try to unbook the hotel if this is the case.... We also turned down a same day invite from another lovely couple as we'd already 'saved the date', so I'm a bit miffed, do u think its bad manners for her not to let us know

OP posts:
lampshady · 21/05/2016 20:17

Ha! Is cancel the e-voucher the new cancel the cheque?!

Ilovenannyplum · 21/05/2016 20:31
Shock That's pretty shitty behaviour from the bride & groom

Surely you only send save the dates to people that you're 100% inviting no matter what?

I'm getting married in December and we are planning on sending invites in August, with an RSVP date of 30 September.
Venue needs numbers and menu choices 6 weeks before the wedding

Stardust160 · 21/05/2016 20:49

What is with these brides lately one sending save the date then rescinding the invite but not telling op, bride kicking off over 100 cheque not being enough, wedding in Maui enough said on that one , people reciving nothing but a scone, a couple only been half invited one to the day other to the night despite DP videoing event for free and children used as props for photos but not actually invited, complete madness !! so glad I've had my day and it's over

OP I would ask for a refund the fact she included the gift list on the save the date is crass and that she's blatantly removed you from the group and ignoring your message is really poor form.

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Weddings
NicknameUsed · 21/05/2016 21:09

How come so so many mumsnetters know so many bridezillas?

In real life I don't know anyone who has behaved like that nor do any of my friends.

emsyj · 21/05/2016 21:18

I would be sending a carefully crafted e-mail asking her to reimburse you the lost £30 on the cancelled hotel booking. She is outrageously rude.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism · 22/05/2016 06:32

'the save the date card arrived, with a postage stamp featuring a picture from the couples engagement shoot' are you sure you want to be friends with these people?

I would just message her saying that you have you are no longer invited and cancelled accommodation, you have only lost the deposit. Wish her well and say you hope they find something nice with the ecard. Then have nothing to do with her.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism · 22/05/2016 06:32

*have realised you are no longer invited

MrsDrSpencerReid · 22/05/2016 06:43

I'd send Sloppy's message.

Is it normal to send the gift list with the save the date card?

LyndaNotLinda · 22/05/2016 06:56

I can't believe people are so rude Shock

Actually I can because I read MN but it's still shocking. Asking people to save a whole bank holiday when you've not even decided if you're going to invite them. And sending out a gift lift before you've even sent out invitations! The whole way they've gone about this is crass in the extreme.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet OP but I'm sorry your 'friend' is so ill-mannered.

ZenNudist · 22/05/2016 07:27

😲 at sending out gift list with Save date card then culling.

Nice that you can forget about the present I suppose there's no socially gracious way of asking for it back.

Call her and ask her about it. I know you've got your answer and are planning on meekly letting her get away with it but you don't need to be confrontational, you can be nice and understanding if spiralling costs and you're not close enough friends yada yada but still say 'but you told us to save a date and sent gift list, you knew we lived far away and would book accommodation. We have booked hotel rooms and bought gifts in good faith. Then leave her to apologise and offer to make good costs incurred. She's an awful person if she doesn't realise her mistake and offer to refund costs. Apparently your a good enough friend to expect a gift but not good enough that you deserve either an invite or the courtesy of an apology for messing you around.

agapanthii · 22/05/2016 07:37

I would contact her to say "we are SOlooking forward to the wedding! Hotel is booked for 2 nights , we're making a big weekend out if it, have bought FAB shoes to match the dress I am having made !! Enjoy the e-card, buy something lovely with it, sweetie! "

She will HAVE to let you know then if u have been culled.

lifesalongsong · 22/05/2016 07:49

Are you sure you're not still in the facebook group, if you can still see what people are posting about the invites you must still be in it. IME these types of groups are set up as secret ones so you may still be on the list just not got the invite yet for some reason

eatyouwithaspoon · 22/05/2016 07:49

How incredibly rude of them not to let you know. The lack of response says to me that they are hopefully feeling very embarrassed!

msrisotto · 22/05/2016 07:51

Surely....surely they haven't culled you? Without even telling you? It has to be a mistake, sending a save the date card then ignoring you is so offensive and really has potential to spoil your relationship. You'd think you'd at least receive an evening invitation. I hate leaving this kind of thing to email/other message based communication. I would call and ask her about it. No misinterpreting things there.

Scarydinosaurs · 22/05/2016 07:58

Can you not call her/text her instead of Facebook?

Is there a chance you've upset her and that's why she's removed you from the group?

age81 · 22/05/2016 08:11

Do you think she is cutting people out who don't spend 'a certain amount on the e voucher?' (Surely not£

LyndaNotLinda · 22/05/2016 08:12

Lifesalongsong - the FB group and the page where people are talking about invites aren't the same thing. No one gets accidentally deleted from a FB group.

Ememem84 · 22/05/2016 08:22

Yeah I'd assume you just haven't recieved the invite. Those who posted about invites, do you know them, do they live close to you? Are they work colleagues of the bride? Only asking as I didn't post my work colleagues invites I left them on their desks...

But I'd speak to the bride. And actually find out. Otherwise you may have cancelled your hotel for nothing.

SouthWestmom · 22/05/2016 08:31

So what's the page then? Surely the bride hasn't set up a group and a page?

TendonQueen · 22/05/2016 08:37

We must surely be reaching peak wedding rudeness. Also I can't help thinking that if couples didn't spend money on vanity stuff like engagement photo shoots, customised postage stamps and save the date cards (which haven't exactly been useful anyway) they would have more money to include guests instead of having to 'cull'.

wallybantersjunkbox · 22/05/2016 08:38

I would hate to be so cynical but having read most of the bridezilla threads on grabbyness, sadly my first thought on including the gift details with the "Save the date" was that they'd bank a bit of cash in advance.

But everyone deserves one chance, so I'd call and say that you'd noticed comments on the invites and were concerned yours hadn't arrived.

If you've definitely been culled I would say nothing in the heat of the moment then write and show evidence of the lost deposit and a receipt for the ebooking, and ask her (and him) if they really think such behaviour is acceptable when people take time and spend money in this way.

I wouldn't demand a refund, I'd leave that to their conscience, OP. And if they were halfway decent they'd do the right thing. If not, for me it'd be the last time I had anything to do with folks that exhibit such pig selfish behaviour.

It never ceases to amaze me that humans can behave do selfishly as I see on these threads. IMHO people will just get worse unless a mirror is held up to reflect back their hideous shameless behaviour.

NicknameUsed · 22/05/2016 09:41

IMHO people will just get worse unless a mirror is held up to reflect back their hideous shameless behaviour.

So very true.

lifesalongsong · 22/05/2016 09:43

OK I see maybe I misunderstood about the group and the page too. What is the purpose of the page?

If the comments about the invites are on a page that you can see I don't think it would be too rude to ask in a polite way if you are still on the list but tbh I don't think you can mention the lost deposit as it was your choice to book the room so far ahead.

£30 will have to be the price of learning that this person isn't as nice as you thought.

zipzap · 22/05/2016 10:16

Do you reckon you might be in a reserve section of the list? So that if she has got budget restrictions, she sent out the guests she wanted there most and then was waiting to see if there were any refusals before sending the next lot of invites out?

I do know how you feel though - I once didn't get an invite to a family friend's wedding when my mum and sis had both had theirs - and as I was the closest to family friend was beginning to wonder what I'd done to upset him and not be invited.
Mystery was cleared up a few weeks later when my mum was asked why I wasn't coming as friend was upset I hadn't replied... So obviously she explained and they sent me the details, i rsvp'd and it was all ok.
And a week later I got the first invite, very clearly addressed to me, with several postmarks on, along with several notes saying things like 'wrongly delivered' and 'postman, this is the third time you've delivered this to xx address please deliver it to the actual address!'.
It did make me wonder how much other mail I'd had go missing - and at least I knew that there was an invite for me that was coming. Could have been much worse if it was just from an old friend that I wasn't in regular contact with or if the person it went to wasn't so diligent about returning it!

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/05/2016 10:34

I would text rather than Facebook, and say 'should I still be saving this date? Because it appears I've been removed from the Facebook group.'

If she ignores you, you're clearly not going!