no wedding invite

[rubybleu2]

An old friend of ours, who we meet with maybe once a year at an annual charity bash, sent us a message around christmas announcing her plans to marry, telling us she would love us to be part of her day,and at the beginning of the year sent us a 'save the date' card, asking us to keep August bank hol weekend free, (night before drinks/ breakfast the morning after, no actual details such as venue or times), and a link to a shop website & gift list, as its over 200 miles each way, we decided to book to stay over 2 nights,(I'm sure the bride would be aware of the booking through mutual friends) and purchased a e voucher from the shops website as a gift, which I'm sure she would be able to see this...... since then I've noticed the odd comment on facebook 'wedding budgets suck' 'If only I could afford my dream cake' etc..... we are yet to receive a formal invite, I'm thinking we may have been culled in the budget? Do u think if we were going, we would of have had the invite by now, or is it too soon ? should I wait a while before I ask ? I would really like to try to unbook the hotel if this is the case.... We also turned down a same day invite from another lovely couple as we'd already 'saved the date', so I'm a bit miffed, do u think its bad manners for her not to let us know

How awkward! Have you actually been removed from the group?! Hopefully it's just a mistake if not that's incredibly rude!

Try and add yourself back to the group.
Do an oops I Hit the delete button by accident. Even better if you have young kids blame them.

Can you check the group and see who are members? If it is just the bride and groom, it could be that they removed everyone and are either doing another one or will be adding people once they have accepted the invite.

I think it is acceptable for invites not to go out for another three weeks (to be six weeks before the wedding) and normally I would say a save the date is enough to fully expect an invite. However, the group removal would make me question that. I do think the bride and groom are being quite rude though considering they have sent you a save the date and know full well you have already bought them a voucher. But I don't think you can expect them to offer to return the gift.

Could you still enjoy a weekend away since you have booked somewhere to stay if you have been uninvited?

That is SO rude!!

Ok, so you've bought an e-voucher that she's already recieved, and removed you from the Facebook group without telling you you're no longer coming...so rude.

I would say: Hello! Just wondering if we should still be 'saving the date' as I notice you've removed us from the Facebook group?

And definitely bring up the e voucher if she tells you you're no longer invited.

Given that your not a part of the fb group anymore it dont look good, but theres always the chance that she was meant to remove someone else and accidently removed you if your name happend to be next to the person she was removing, but either way you need to know so you can make alternate plans if you need to.

So i would do what Scarydinosaurs said, hopefully there will be a simple explanation, but either way you need to know, if it turns out that she has uninvited you and just not bothered telling you after knowing you have booked the hotel and brought a voucher than she is being bloody rude and i wouldnt invite her to anything in future, but thats just me lol

Please say you'll be asking for the voucher back. I'm fuming for you, can't imagine how annoyed you must be.

Did you add your address to the group originally?

yes she has our address, hence the save the date card, I facebooked her last night, just asking how the plans are coming along, are u excited etc, its showing she has seen the message, but no reply yet, I can also see on the page guests are saying 'what beautiful invites, did your mum make those', so I've gone ahead and cancelled hotel, minus £30 deposit

Sounds like she/ they have handled this really poorly if you have been culled. However awkward it would have been it would have been polite and friendly to have let you know. I really dislike this kind of spineless crap.

Not just polite and friendly- practical, too! OP has booked her hotel and might have continued blithely assuming she was invited past the point that it only cost thirty quid to cancel it (which is annoying enough!).

How does the e-voucher work, OP? Has she already taken possession of it? I would definitely be cancelling that or using it myself if not.

So sorry you've been treated like this. :(

If they have culled you that is really bad form. I would've probably asked her outright before cancelling the hotel though.

Wow. That's really not on.

A nice message apologising and saying that budget prevents her from inviting you would still be a bit crap but infinitely less crap than bloody ignoring you!

Im furious on your behalf OP! Thats a terrible way for her to handle things! Ok, sometimes cos of budgets changes have to be made, but the polite way to handle it would have been a polite message/phone call apologising etc & if it was me i would have at least offered to refund the present, this has been handled very badly and incredibly rudely! Not much of a friend at all! Book another hotel somewhere and have a naughty night with DH instead

I think it's incredibly rude to act that way, especially seeing your message and not responding! I probably would have found out before cancelling the hotel but by the sounds of it, you did the right thing.

think I will just leave the e voucher, I don't want to appear bitter, I've still had no response to the fb message, I'm not surprised the budget has run out to be honest, the save the date card arrived, with a postage stamp featuring a picture from the couples engagement shoot, and a waxed seal with their initials & date on, I wouldn't have minded the uninvited part, its the not telling me part

Would you not just ask her??

Bad form!

I got married on an August bank holiday weekend. I sent the invites out in July.

I just wondered if you had been forgotten rather than culled if you didn't leave your address on the facebook thing when everyone else did (rather than them already knowing your address iyswim). Rude either way of course.

Not sure what I would do if I was faced with the same! Though I can't help but feel you may have been hasty about the hotel room, having not had a straight answer.
If she's now perusing your messages and thinking what a prize bitch she has been and has seen the light (or just the simple fact that not all the invites might have gone out in one go) and your invite may appear forthwith. Then you may be a little red faced, £30 down and faced with the prospect of having no hotel if they've reallocated your room already.

Given that you are out of pocket due to losing the deposit I would want to cancel the e-voucher as well. I don't think it would be churlish to do so.

Wow! That's so rude of them not to say anything.

Incredibly bad manners, that's a shocker!