Former babysitting charge smoking - do I say anything?

[ThePartyArtist]

I'm probably being interfering but... I am friends on Facebook with a girl I used to babysit for about 10 years ago. She's now 17. Seen a photo on her Facebook (from months ago) of her smoking which makes me very sad... part of me wants to ask her about it and tell her it makes me very sad to see this. We've always had a really good relationship and she regards me as a friend / big sister and I would hope she might think twice about continuing if I say something. However also it'd probably sound way too judgemental esp. to a teenager wouldn't it! It is only one photo, I am probably over reacting. I just think of me and my friends at that age and all the ones who still haven't managed to quit and would have been horrified then to know they'd still be smoking now. It makes me sad to see this little girl I used to care for smoking.

Could you gently try to find out if she actually does smoke regularly? Perhaps it was a one off, or maybe she was posing for the photo. And if she does smoke, definitely don't go in guns blazing. It would depend on the situation and the relationship between the two of you, but maybe you could gently say that you are worried about her? Though I agree with you, that it would be difficult to broach the subject with her without coming across as judgemental or condescending.

We don't see each other face to face but are in touch regularly. She feels close and trusting of me, telling me personal things. The photo of her smoking is only a one off, however the fact it's daytime and at college and others in the photo not smoking makes me think it's actually a habit...

At the end of the day I can't see how I can bring it up without sounding judgemental so maybe will have to hope it was a one off?

You could say something light-heartedly like oh no you're not smoking are you but the way you've worded it will just come across as really patronising, and at 17 there is no way she would think twice.

She won't stop if you ask her to, no matter how close you are. But she will get better at hiding it and doing it in secret!