Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should we move back in with my parents?

14 replies

SuchaJem · 20/03/2016 12:36

Hi all

Thoughts welcomed please - this is a really hard decision.

I'm 32 and married with a cat and live in a rented flat in London. We started ttc this year although no luck just yet. We are also saving to try and buy our own place.

Our landlord has told us he wants his flat back from 1 June. We don't have a contract - it's quite an informal agreement, he's a private landlord and a nice man.

I've found us another flat to rent (which currently has a couple with a baby living there) which would be perfect for us. It has a lovely garden and cat flap - cats are welcome! Private landlord but a long term let situation this time.

The problem is we also have my mum and dad around the corner who have a 5 bed house and can put us up. My DH wants us to consider living there to finish off our savings quickly. The Help To Buy scheme as it stands ends in December. So he feels like we could be missing the boat.

The problem is with my parents place is its not just them - my brother and sister also currently live there. The atmosphere is often strained and I find it stressful being round there. We lived there briefly before our wedding to save and my old anxiety / panic attacks flared up and I ended up on antidepressants again.

By the way, I really appreciate my parents offering to have us and realise how generous this is. We are fortunate to have this option.

It's just a time in our lives where we need our own space. I'm not sure if we could continue to ttc whilst living there.

What should we do??

OP posts:
tribpot · 20/03/2016 12:44

No.

Rental places where cats are welcome are few and far between. If you move back to your parents' house and it gets too much (which it sounds like it will) you will be stuck until you can find somewhere else to move out to - not to mention having to come up with a diplomatic reason to move out when you're meant to be saving for a deposit.

Your DH needs to be guided by you in matters of your family. Yes, you may miss the boat on the Help to Buy but you have other needs too - taking care of your mental health is definitely one, and a lower stress environment in which to ttc is another.

I'm sure you will get the challenge from your parents that renting is 'throwing money away'. You need to be united in the response along the lines that you need your own space.

strawberrypenguin · 20/03/2016 12:47

I'd go for the rental place. Doesn't sound like moving in with your parents would be a good idea for any of you.

Trills · 20/03/2016 13:01

I wouldn't - and I don't have any anxiety issues. You definitely shouldn't.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
gleam · 20/03/2016 13:02

What about the new Lifetime ISA - doesn't that give you a boost towards buying your first home?

mmmuffins · 20/03/2016 13:10

You should move into the rental. Your mental health will surely deteriorate again if you move home, it's really not worth it. And you may be adding the stress of pregnancy to the mix!

Pinkheart5915 · 20/03/2016 13:15

If living back home is going to trigger your aniexty again then no don't do it.
move in to the rental and be happy

BeautifulMaudOHara · 20/03/2016 13:17

Rent. Don't move in with your parents, it sounds like a terrible idea

mrsmeerkat · 20/03/2016 13:20

I definately would take the rental.you are married now.. need your own space and it will not help you conceive od you are under stress (from own experience)

I wouldn't regard dh ideas a priority over your own.

Want2bSupermum · 20/03/2016 13:21

If there is no way you can overcome the anxiety of living with your parents I would rent.

We have planned the set up our home so it can be split into separate living spaces down the road. The plumbing is there, we just need to put in the kitchenettes. Quite frankly once my kids have gone I don't want them back in my living space. Love them dearly but by the time they are in their 20s I will need a break.

Original poster
SuchaJem · 20/03/2016 15:02

Thanks so much for your thoughts. Think this has really helped me realise that it's not a good idea and reassured me that continuing to rent is the best option.

I think I was worried that choosing to rent was irresponsible and I still feel like I'm letting my DH down a bit, as he is so so keen to buy :(

But it would really make me miserable and it's not dramatic to say that it could make me unwell again. And I can't really consider going back on ADs again whilst we are TTC.

I am going to email this new landlord now...

Thank you all xx

OP posts:
mrsmeerkat · 20/03/2016 19:28

best of luck op xx

Pinkheart5915 · 20/03/2016 21:07

Good luck with the move and ttc

Original poster
SuchaJem · 20/03/2016 21:54

Thanks v much we've got the flat Smile

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 21/03/2016 02:47

Congratulations! Great news.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page