anonymous letter about nanny

[AgentFF]

yesterday I got an anonymous letter from someone saying that they were the parents of a friend of my 2yo DS - that our nannies knew each other and hung out sometimes. They sent it to "Parents of DS" and knew our postal address - possible as a couple of times the nanny has had playdates at ours and asked permission beforehand. They didn't want to name themselves or the nanny in case the nanny was labelled as a snitch.

They said that they had serious concerns about our nanny and how she was treating our DS. Some of the comments were ridiculous - as in she was withholding food so he was left taking food from other children or nannies - I know that he eats a lot and just loves food, he isn't fat but certainly not thin or scrawny either. They also mentioned they didn't think he was supervised enough/properly and they worried for his safety and finished by saying they were worried she might be physically abusing him as he seemed afraid of her.

As you can imagine I was distraught and very upset. DS is not with the nanny at the moment as he is with family. The nanny came very highly recommended and had good references who I spoke to in detail. She has been with us for over a year and we have been happy with her. She has a very direct manner and can be bossy but our DS is a boisterous and energetic 2yo so needs some structure and boundaries and so far I thought she managed things well.

I am really worried and feel terribly guilty that I have put him in danger but also don't know if it is someone who has just misinterpreted things - they are telling me what their nanny thinks and I don't know who their nanny is or what she has seen/how much time she has spent with them. The fact that they have concerns about things (the withholding food allegations) that I know are not true and have been misinterpreted make me think that I should be more sceptical about all of it. However I feel I can't dismiss it in case there is even the tiniest bit of truth.

DS is very happy and outgoing (my view and those of family and friends) - talks to everyone and interacts with everyone. He is affectionate, confident and boisterous and loves testing boundaries. They go out a lot to stay and plays and toddler groups in the area.

What do I do? Sack the nanny immediately and find someone else without any proof or knowledge of whether I am getting rid of someone who is perfectly good and being (potentially just out of malice or misplaced concern) judged by someone who has no knowledge of what is going on? Or do I sack her because if there was even a tiny chance that she was being horrible to him I wouldn't want her around?

Thank you for all the helpful advice.

@Tram10 - I am asking DS more about what he is doing with her although he is a bit random in what he talks about and I don't want to put ideas in his head by asking too many questions like does she hurt you etc. I am working on finding other mums or nannies who go to the same activities what they think. Ultimately I think we are going to see if we can find a new nanny - we had been thinking about it for a while (mostly wanting one who speaks DH's mother tongue - so not related to anything the nanny has allegedly done). I am fretting a bit about references but I don't have any reason not to think that she has done an ok job - I will approach this with caution.

Someone in the responses mentioned differences in parenting/nannying styles and I do think this is probably at the bottom of this. She is quite strict and whilst stricter than I am I would prefer her to set suitable boundaries than let DS run riot which I think he would do if given half a chance.

I was incredibly upset by the letter but having time to think about it and advice from MN and friends am trying to think about it more objectively. Some of the things in the letter were ridiculous and I know are untrue. The opinions given were second/third hand, filtered through the nanny and as interpreted by the other family. The other things could be misinterpretation or rooted in truth but short of installing cctv in our house there is little I can do. My DS seems fine physically and emotionally and I am hyper alert now to everything he says/does. It may just be time to move on and this could be the impetus we need to find someone new.

At the very least I really hope anyone thinking about sending an anonymous letter about a nanny will think twice given how much pain it can cause and the doubt and confusion it brings. If I am ever in the situation of feeling that degree of concern about someone I will say it to the family face to face or at least give them my number so they can talk to me about it.