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Original poster

Reception mothers

70 replies

HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 22:35

My DS started reception in September at our local state school. I wanted to be involved with his school and get to know other parents- our friends dont have kids so we thought this would be an opportunity to meet other people and build a network.

....but few things bother me...firstly reception is divided into four classes- Shields, Helmets, Cloaks and Spades- and mothers from Shields think they are the best, and seem to have meet ups and social events with just them led by a very loud and manipulative woman who isnt very nice. I speak to all the mothers and a few of them from Shields have told me that they are quite scared of this woman and feel obliged to go to events she arranges for the class parents.

I tried to get the Helmet mothers, myself included, to meet up- i set up a whats up group and out of 30, i have managed to get 23.....and i suggested going for drinks, once i suggested bowling and once, to keep it simple, coffee.

and no one seems to want to do anything. I get one person who says maybe, and then a barrage of excuses. Three times i have suggested doing something....and i feel like i am pestering them. For xmas i thought it would be nice for the mums to meet ...and again all i get is excuses.

During half term i suggested we meet at the play centre, and out of 23...only three parents came with their kids.

No one wants to do anything.....and i dont want them to think i am being pushy.

My friend whose son goes to a private school went on a reception mums night out with 20 (out of 24) people for Christmas....she posted pics on Facebook and i just started crying.

I am a nice person, I am fun and i can be a good friend.

What am i doing wrong??

The lady from Sheilds arranged an xmas meet up with the parents and they posted pictures on FB...and she had a huge turn out, seems husbands came too and everyone had a great time.

what am i doing wrong? why doesnt anyone in my sons class want to do anything....?? I dont think Cloaks and Spades do things to gether either....i know a mother in Cloaks and she said she hasnt heard of people going out in groups, maybe a few parents meet up but nothing to the extent of Shields

I wanted what they have....i make an effort and i get along with everyone but i feel deflated. I feel like other mums are enjoying their childrens school experience and i am missing out

sobsobsobsobsobsob

OP posts:
Pantone363 · 10/12/2015 22:40

You sound lovely but way over involved.

But to be honest its kind of weird. Its not an NCT group, its primary school. Your kids all go to school in the same class, it doesn't mean you need to be mates with each other.

Pantone363 · 10/12/2015 22:41

You got it right when you said children's school experience. Its THEIR experience, not yours, you're there to facilitate your kids going to school, thats it.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/12/2015 22:43

If you've used the real class names then you're awfully identifiable! In which case report your own post to MNHQ so they can anonymise it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Primary education
Pipbin · 10/12/2015 22:43

Am I alone in being confused by the random names of Helmets, Shield, Cloaks and Spades?

Parietal · 10/12/2015 22:46

its hard to organise from nothing. why not see if a small group of 3-5 people you talk to in the playground want to meet. ask in person, not on whatsapp. then once things have settled in, you can let the group grow. on the first term of school, many people are v busy juggling a new schedule / work / childcare etc. give it time and keep it small.

Tirfarthoin · 10/12/2015 22:46

I would not be interested in a class mums meet up tbh.
Can't you organise a few play dates and see if friendships developed from there?

JasperDamerel · 10/12/2015 22:51

A lot of parents with children in reception also have younger, non-sleeping children who make nights out the sort of rare event that is saved for especially close friends.

Parental friendships here tend to be forged in the park after school, but it took years before those short snippets of chat turned into adult to adult socialising.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 22:53

Pantone363

U are right but i think the parents are more involved than the kids.....the drama that goes on between the parents has to be more than what happens in the classroom.

I saw my friend and her 'Reception Mums night out' and i got jealous....her DS like mine, started in September. It was a huge turn out of mums....and
i thought, why cant i have that, I would love love love something like that....i am a good person, i have something to give ....

what is wrong with me that i cant even get people to come for coffee :(

OP posts:
mewkins · 10/12/2015 22:56

I would make a suggetion to supermum that the whatsapp be widened to the whole year. Dress it up as how you would love to get to know others and how she seems to be doing a great job. Flatter her!! I say this because in our school year there are two classes of 30 and everyone who wants to be is on the whatsapp group. Out of 60 mums 23 came to the Christmas night out. So not all parents will want to be involved - maybe a third or so with a few on the periphery. The more people the better turn out I guess.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 22:57

Jasper...i hear what you are saying. But it is happening quite often where parents have nights out together....its happening with the Shields mummies and my friend with her Reception mums.

Here is me wanting that, trying to organise it (being proactive)...and the best i got was one woman who agreed to meet for coffee (out of 30 set of parents) and then pulled out last minute.

Left me thinking ...is it just a luck of the draw?

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 10/12/2015 22:58

You sound over invested and, sorry to say, needy. These are parents of kids that yours go to nursery with. No more, no less. Crying? I think you need to work on your esteem issues.

sofiahelin · 10/12/2015 22:58

Helmet shield & cloak fine. Spade doesn't fit the theme does it?

Anyway...you just get some groups that are more social than others, you're not doing anything wrong. Regarding numbers, it's better imo to have a few good friends than 24 people I barely know.
Keep inviting if you want but be happy with the people who do turn up

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:00

newkins....shes a bitch....she gave xmas cards to Shields kids only and only has Shields kids over to play. She doesn't even talk to the other mothers of the other classes.

It seems that is the kind of woman who can actually get all the parents together- (herd mentality?? sense of belonging? ) which case, kudos to her she has done what i have failed to do

OP posts:
Lauren15 · 10/12/2015 23:00

sob sob sob. Really?!
Why is going on nights out part of enjoying your child's school experience? I can't fathom that.

ghnocci · 10/12/2015 23:03

I hardly think somebody is a bitch because they only have children from their child's own class to play and don't feel like sending over 100 Xmas cards.

Salmiak · 10/12/2015 23:04

Wow, never heard of 'whole class mums meetups' - nice way to ignore any dads

Why not see who your ds is friends with and invite them over for a playdate occasionally. Chat to other mums in the playground. Ask the pushy lady from shields if you can come to the next group thing she organises as you saw on Facebook how much fun it was she'll be hugely flattered

Ineedahug · 10/12/2015 23:04

I also think you're trying to do too big, too soon. Personally, as a parent of a child who started reception in September, I would be overwhelmed by a 'big' night out with loads of mums I didn't know. And as a single parent, I have childcare issues in the evenings. And it's Xmas so people are busy and/or short of money. I would suggest trying to start chatting with one or two of the mums outside the classroom and take it from there. Big group outings just aren't to everyone's taste, they're definitely not to mine. Its unlikely to be personal against you, I promise!

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:05

Helmet shield & cloak fine. Spade doesn't fit the theme does it?

Lol...the first school mistress came up with it, about a zillion years ago and it has stuck....historically Shields have always won all the games trophies and been the most popular, think this has rubbed off on the parents.

Tiggering...thanks for your honesty. I guess the rejection kind of hurts too....i made an effort, i did what i thought may work....and i failed at it. And i suppose it makes me feel sad :(

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 10/12/2015 23:05
Hmm
BackforGood · 10/12/2015 23:08

I would back right away - well, I wouldn't, as I'd never get that invested in the first place.

I've had 3 dc, who, between them have gone through 4 schools (before secondary) and I can honestly say I've never been on a "Mums night out" or even for coffee with other Mums from school. It's not that they were all going without me, it's just not a "thing" in my world.
I've got on well with parents of other dc at the schools, and we've helped each other out when we can with lift sharing or picking up each others dc when the need has arisen, but that's as far as it goes. Your dc happen to go to the same school. That's all.

Naturally, over time, it's likely you will become closer to a couple, or small group of other parents or carers, but you can't force it - people will think you are a loon.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:09

thanks everyone...for being nice and giving good advice

i wont approach the 'supermum' from Shields......but i guess i will just stick to nurturing friendships with a few people first.

My friends reception night out rattled me a lot....and then the Shields thing....these huge Reception parties are happening and i wasnt involved in them.

And before long, my DS wont be in reception and the moment will be lost

OP posts:
Holstein · 10/12/2015 23:09

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Out2pasture · 10/12/2015 23:10

hot, would it be possible to met up with the shields group? I know you and your son are not in that particular class but being your group doesn't want to meet up maybe the shields will welcome you?

Floggingmolly · 10/12/2015 23:13

Sweet Jesus, would you grow up Hmm. mothers from Shields think they are the best... Who has the time for this nonsense?

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 10/12/2015 23:13

It's weird and it is luck of the draw. I have 3 kids in school and they have been in 2 different schools. Mostly the parents ignore each other. I speak to the parents of my eldests close friends but none of the mums from infants. Third child's year group has a mum who organises stuff but I've never been. It's just not my thing. I don't really do social and definitely not in the context they do (bars and posh places) In the class of 30 I think there are about 6 who go out regularly and another 6 who go occasionally. It's no reflection on you just a lot of people have no interest.