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Original poster

Reception mothers

70 replies

HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 22:35

My DS started reception in September at our local state school. I wanted to be involved with his school and get to know other parents- our friends dont have kids so we thought this would be an opportunity to meet other people and build a network.

....but few things bother me...firstly reception is divided into four classes- Shields, Helmets, Cloaks and Spades- and mothers from Shields think they are the best, and seem to have meet ups and social events with just them led by a very loud and manipulative woman who isnt very nice. I speak to all the mothers and a few of them from Shields have told me that they are quite scared of this woman and feel obliged to go to events she arranges for the class parents.

I tried to get the Helmet mothers, myself included, to meet up- i set up a whats up group and out of 30, i have managed to get 23.....and i suggested going for drinks, once i suggested bowling and once, to keep it simple, coffee.

and no one seems to want to do anything. I get one person who says maybe, and then a barrage of excuses. Three times i have suggested doing something....and i feel like i am pestering them. For xmas i thought it would be nice for the mums to meet ...and again all i get is excuses.

During half term i suggested we meet at the play centre, and out of 23...only three parents came with their kids.

No one wants to do anything.....and i dont want them to think i am being pushy.

My friend whose son goes to a private school went on a reception mums night out with 20 (out of 24) people for Christmas....she posted pics on Facebook and i just started crying.

I am a nice person, I am fun and i can be a good friend.

What am i doing wrong??

The lady from Sheilds arranged an xmas meet up with the parents and they posted pictures on FB...and she had a huge turn out, seems husbands came too and everyone had a great time.

what am i doing wrong? why doesnt anyone in my sons class want to do anything....?? I dont think Cloaks and Spades do things to gether either....i know a mother in Cloaks and she said she hasnt heard of people going out in groups, maybe a few parents meet up but nothing to the extent of Shields

I wanted what they have....i make an effort and i get along with everyone but i feel deflated. I feel like other mums are enjoying their childrens school experience and i am missing out

sobsobsobsobsobsob

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:14

Holstein....lol, didnt want to give the real names of the school, but this was the name of the houses of my old school :) think u know where that was.

Out2pasture....no, i would be an imposter and they keep to their own clique....they are very cliquey :(

OP posts:
Muddlewitch · 10/12/2015 23:14

Agree with the advice about starting small.

It might just be the dynamics of the group/class - eg if a lot of the shields are first/only children maybe they are more enthused. I might have considered it with DC1 when he started school a decade ago. DC4 started this year and I am a school run robot and wouldn't recognise many of the other mums
if I walked past them in the street.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:15

thanks GinIsTheBest....think you are right, it may be the luck of the draw

OP posts:

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gamerchick · 10/12/2015 23:15

Ah bless you OP, you're properly trying.

In all honesty I would run away from the big thing you're trying to do. Getting on with the other mothers in a large group gives me the horrors.

You say a couple of people turned up at one of your shindigs.. Maybe start small instead if you want to do meet ups but you'll have to accept that some won't be interested.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:16

also its my first experience of Reception- first school run, first time meeting mothers....maybe i went in expecting too much and i am deflated

OP posts:
3point14159265359 · 10/12/2015 23:17

Isn't it still too early for Christmas card drama?

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2015 23:18

The disinterest in half term meet up could easily be that families were away; have older children who would not want to be at a soft play/are too tall; were working and children in holiday club/at Granny's.

In the evenings it could be childcare - single parent families, shift workers, fetching and carrying older children from evening activities etc or if families who live a way away from the school and don't really fancy coming back to the area again.

I'm a gregarious soul, but I am not sure that I would fancy a whole class meet up of 30 + mums. My DS is in year 2 and I don;t think we even had a little meet up until Year 1. Let people get to know each other through chatting at pick ups/drop offs, Nativities, fundraisers, sports days, concert and the various other school events that parents can go along to.

I recently had a night out with about 8 or 9 (of 27) mums from DS's class because it was my birthday. I invited a few other people I knew and stayed very local. It was a good night out! But that really is the second time something like that has happened in 2 years and a term. A birthday is a good excuse to hang a couple of drinks on.

You have made your DS's school very identifiable though. I'd report your own post before any of the Shields Mums see it.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:19

thanks gamerchick.... :) appreciate the advice- everyone else has been great, this is something which has been bothering me and needed to vent :)

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:21

BikeRunSki....i used the house names from where i went to school back back in the early 90s

These arent the names of my DS school....i wouldnt disclose that

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 10/12/2015 23:24

Yes, I noticed that after I'd posted HotChocolate. You'd posted it while I was typing.

Original poster
HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 23:27

:) :) Holstein picked up on it, think she knows my old school....her comment wasn't very nice

thanks for what you said....my bday is Halloween, so maybe next year i can do something and invite the mums and see what happens.

OP posts:
Holstein · 10/12/2015 23:30

My comment 'wasn't very nice'?
I think you need to develop thicker skin if you're going to navigate the next 13+ years of your son's schooling.

Pipbin · 10/12/2015 23:31

The thing is why should you all be friends because you have children in the same class at school? That is literally the only thing you have in common.
To be honest these women sound like nightmares and you'd be better off without them.

3point14159265359 · 10/12/2015 23:32

Or maybe next Halloween you could do what everyone else with Y1-aged kids does at Halloween...

threelittlerapscallions · 10/12/2015 23:32

BikeRun - the OP said she had used the names from the classes when she was at school herself - not her son's schools real class names.

My DD also started a state primary in September and I have found most of the other Mums really nice. There has been a lunch meet up where about 7 people were there including me and I will try to go to drinks at end of term but I have three young children so do find it hard to get out in the evenings - this may be why many of the other Mums dont come to things, don't take it personally.

I am focussing on my DD making friends, it is not about my social life it is about hers - she has made one good friend so far and the Mum has invited her for a playdate soon so I am happy with that.

I suggest you find out who your son is friends with and try to talk to those Mums (or Dads).

Holstein · 10/12/2015 23:36

Perhaps pick a time of year when people aren't super-busy, and more people would be able to come? Lots of those women will have older children, with all the usual activities, concerts, parties etc to juggle at this time of year. It's really hard to fit things in around Christmas, so February might be a better time (Hallowe'en seems a long time to leave it!).

donajimena · 10/12/2015 23:37

I found I got to meet people at parties and made one or two friends.
As a lone parent if there were ever any meetups billy no school mums mates here couldnt go.
The scenario you describe is also known as 'trying too hard'

Marzipanface · 10/12/2015 23:42

Is it possible the parents from the other class already know each other as they have older siblings at the school?

SocksRock · 10/12/2015 23:46

A meet up of that many people would terrify me, I'm afraid. I'm lucky in that our school only has an intake of 15, but even then we only meet up in 3's or 4's maybe. My DS is now in Y1 and I'm just getting to know the other mums.

BikeRunSki · 11/12/2015 06:33

Could you ask one or two of your ds's friends to tea after school one day? This is very popular in ds's class, has been since Reception. That way you'll get to know those children's parents a bit.

CastaDiva · 12/12/2015 11:03

OP, are you lonely or dissatisfied with your life in other ways? Or reliving some kind of traumatic school experience and trying to do it better second time around?

Because you sound very needy and almost hysterical about creating instant friendships among a bunch of total strangers, and recreating the 'Shields' experience (or what you perceive it to be), or reckoning up how many parents you managed to get on your Whatsapp, compared to how many your friend with a child at a different school got to go on a night out - bursting into tears when you saw she had 'managed to get' on a night out isn't normal at all. Why does this matter so much to you, and why are you constantly looking sideways at other people's experiences via social media?

Are there other parents in your child's group that you like and would like to get to know better, or - better still - children your child would like to have around for a playdate? Because this is your child's school experience, not yours, really. It would be nice if you picked up a friend or two along the way, but that's incidental, really, and you're forcing things far too soon.

And I don't believe for a moment that all the Shields parents obediently hire a sitter and queue up for a night out because they're afraid of the organiser - maybe they already know each other, maybe they have more leisure time, easier availability of babysitters etc etc?

BondJayneBond · 12/12/2015 11:29

I think you're taking this a little too personally. A lot of it is luck of the draw.

Some people like socialising better than others.
Some people prefer to meet up with friends or at least closer acquaintances, and at this stage, a lot of Reception parents will be relative strangers to each other, especially if the kids are in wrap around care or grandparents or childminders do the school run.
Some parents might like to meet up, but have genuine problems fitting things in around work / babysitter availability / other family commitments.

E.g. there was a card in DS1's bookbag yesterday inviting me to an afternoon tea for mums in DS1's year. It sounds like a lovely idea, venue is a good place so the food and drink is sure to be nice. Unfortunately, I've already made arrangements to meet up with my parents and take DC to a local attraction to see Santa that day, tickets bought and everything. So I'm going to turn down the invite. Hopefully the mum doing the organising won't be fretting that she's doing stuff wrong and that I don't like her....

As an aside, there have been a number of social nights for parents at DS1's school since he started in September. The afternoon tea mentioned above is the only one so far that has not been organised by the PTA. So it may be that some of the parent social events at other schools you see on FB etc are more "formal" than they first appear.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2015 10:58

Is this really a thing, mums having class get togethers?! And as for the house rivalry between the parents, I am Shock

Utterly, utterly ridiculous! OP you finished school a long time ago, don't get involved in this crap,it sounds hellish, not to mention childish!

If you want to make new friends, perhaps ask DS if he'd like to have a friend over for dinner, you'll likely meet parents this way.

Trying to compete with this, astonishingly pathetic, woman is madness and you'll only end up miserable.

MidniteScribbler · 20/12/2015 06:03

I'd run really fast in the opposite direction of anything involving a mass meetup.

Being approached 1-2-1 about going for a coffee or organising a playdate = fine.

Lots of people = shudder.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 20/12/2015 06:56

I think you need to focus on getting to know a few parents - maybe your child's friend's parents? And start your social life that way. A whole class parents meet up sounds horrific to me and I just wouldn't go. I'm sure I'm not alone.

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