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Original poster

Reception mothers

70 replies

HotChocolate0003 · 10/12/2015 22:35

My DS started reception in September at our local state school. I wanted to be involved with his school and get to know other parents- our friends dont have kids so we thought this would be an opportunity to meet other people and build a network.

....but few things bother me...firstly reception is divided into four classes- Shields, Helmets, Cloaks and Spades- and mothers from Shields think they are the best, and seem to have meet ups and social events with just them led by a very loud and manipulative woman who isnt very nice. I speak to all the mothers and a few of them from Shields have told me that they are quite scared of this woman and feel obliged to go to events she arranges for the class parents.

I tried to get the Helmet mothers, myself included, to meet up- i set up a whats up group and out of 30, i have managed to get 23.....and i suggested going for drinks, once i suggested bowling and once, to keep it simple, coffee.

and no one seems to want to do anything. I get one person who says maybe, and then a barrage of excuses. Three times i have suggested doing something....and i feel like i am pestering them. For xmas i thought it would be nice for the mums to meet ...and again all i get is excuses.

During half term i suggested we meet at the play centre, and out of 23...only three parents came with their kids.

No one wants to do anything.....and i dont want them to think i am being pushy.

My friend whose son goes to a private school went on a reception mums night out with 20 (out of 24) people for Christmas....she posted pics on Facebook and i just started crying.

I am a nice person, I am fun and i can be a good friend.

What am i doing wrong??

The lady from Sheilds arranged an xmas meet up with the parents and they posted pictures on FB...and she had a huge turn out, seems husbands came too and everyone had a great time.

what am i doing wrong? why doesnt anyone in my sons class want to do anything....?? I dont think Cloaks and Spades do things to gether either....i know a mother in Cloaks and she said she hasnt heard of people going out in groups, maybe a few parents meet up but nothing to the extent of Shields

I wanted what they have....i make an effort and i get along with everyone but i feel deflated. I feel like other mums are enjoying their childrens school experience and i am missing out

sobsobsobsobsobsob

OP posts:

Narp · 20/12/2015 07:03

I think the Helmets drew the short straw on the names front, is what I think.

Narp · 20/12/2015 07:04

Also, what have Spades got to do with helmets, cloaks or shields?

Are their knights who carried spades as weapons?

Narp · 20/12/2015 07:04

there, not their (doofus)

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TingleBells · 20/12/2015 07:07

Narp I thought it was only me that thought that.

NerrSnerr · 20/12/2015 07:09

I wonder if the other mums know each other from baby groups and nursery? Just be nice at the school gate and make friends develop.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 20/12/2015 07:17

I wouldn't rely on my child's education being the basis of my adult friendships that's not what you send your kid to school for. Could you look for friends elsewhere like work or a hobby etc. As your kid gets older you could find he changes class/friendship group/school and your friendships may be affected.

Narp · 20/12/2015 07:25

ineedmore

Totally agree.

BondJayneBond · 20/12/2015 08:14

Maybe, if they were trying to capture a castle and had it under siege, some of the knights used spades to dig tunnels to try and collapse castle walls from the bottom?

ASmallHenInItsLateForties · 20/12/2015 08:56

I think the Helmets drew the short straw on the names front, is what I think.

Spades, Cloaks etc...?

Maybe Rock Paper Scissors could be better.

ASmallHenInItsLateForties · 20/12/2015 08:58

Or pants, socks, bras and tights.

rainbowstardrops · 20/12/2015 09:14

OP I think you are trying way, way too hard. You can't force people to become your friend just because you've organised a meet up. You either click with someone or you don't.
My eldest is 15 and I still meet up with three mums from when we met in the playground picking the kids up. Three out of sixty!
I don't meet up with anyone from my dd's year.

nearlyreadytopop · 20/12/2015 09:17

I find the "school mum" friends thing very weird. My son goes to school for his education and so he can make friends. I really don't see it as a social opportunity for me.
OP what other interests do you have that you could develop? Tennis club? Hillwalking group etc? You might find it easier to make friends through these

KERALA1 · 20/12/2015 09:19

You are rushing it and coming across as quite bonkers.

Friendships happen gentley. I have proper friends I met through school took about 2 years happened gradually. Class drinks are usually avoided you're doing well in our school if you get 6.

Kingfisherfree · 20/12/2015 09:41

It's just down to luck fme. The leader or the other group will most likely be an only child ( no offence to only children!) They quite rightly invest a lot of time cultivating new friendships and are very dominate in these situations. I have 3 children and in every year it is an only child that organises loads of meet-ups. Also as pp said they will also be a lot of eldest children. These people are born networkers so things happen. If you have a high proportion of youngest and middle children parents meet- ups and friendships may take longer but they will possibly be stronger in the longer term.

Kingfisherfree · 20/12/2015 09:47

Sorry about all the spelling and grammatical errors!

Kennington · 20/12/2015 09:50

I have meets ups every couple of months
I realise if you are trying to make friends this is horrible however it is more likely people are just busy, short of cash, or just working hard. I would prob rarely come out even if you were super nice.
The shields thing is just daft - leave the poor woman be. She prob just enjoys doing this and hasn't thought about the other classes.

AlisonWunderland · 20/12/2015 09:53

Does your child go to Hogwarts?
Slytherin mums are very snobby about the Hufflepuff mothers

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 20/12/2015 10:02

I'm several years into the whole school gate thing and my conclusion is that other parents are a bit like work colleagues. There will be lots who you get along fine with in that context but don't have tons in common with aside from the children. One or two who you really don't like but have to just grit your teeth and get on with it. And if you're lucky, you'll make a couple of good friends along the way.

Also the whole intense big pack of school mums thing can be a double edged sword. This kind of setup happened in one of my dc's reception classes and by the end of year 1, the bitching and infighting within the core group was horrendous and lots of parents had slowly backed away. So be careful what you wish for would be my advice!

OP in the nicest possible way, try and relax about this. Proper friendships evolve organically. Maybe in the New Year approach one or two mums you like the look of and suggest a quick coffee?

Parker231 · 20/12/2015 10:03

Why do you want to meet up with the other Mums (what about Dad's?) - your child goes to the school not you. My DT's are now at Uni but as I and most of their classmates parents worked we rarely saw other parents other than drop off at parties or supporting at sports events.

Skippedthelightfandango · 20/12/2015 10:06

OP I have sent you a PM

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