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Original poster

Upstairs Neighbours baby crying??

29 replies

jellyfish1979 · 09/11/2015 16:28

Hello all,

I recently moved into a block of flats 3 months ago with seemingly thin floorboards! My upstairs neighbours often have raised voices and their baby (I think around 1 year old mark) cries a lot through the day. I've never actually seen them, but I've seen their buggy so estimating the age here.

My question is, should I be concerned for the child, or is crying regularly though the day quite normal? I am in my early 20s, but have nannied for a 1 year old who only cried every so often, often when she was sick/teething. I don't know if I'm being over cautious here, but the sound of a baby crying for more than 10 minutes a few times a day distresses me!

Any thoughts/advice would be great!

OP posts:
tma1968 · 16/11/2015 00:07

Wen a friend of mine was concerned about a neighbour's child she made a anonymous call to social services voicing her concerns just explaining that there was nothing specific more just a feeling of concern. Someone went around and offered support as the mum was alone in the area and had young twins. They helped her.

Euripidesralph · 16/11/2015 00:16

I think you need to perhaps think about this... Whilst I would be the first to say ring ss if there is a need, could you at least try to meet the couple or mum first, get a lay of the land

Whilst what you hear could be concerning on the flip side , the baby could have a difficult medical condition that causes them to cry but is being responded to ,, my ds1 had terrible reflux and (granted not all day) would be crying even whilst cuddled up to me and being looked after

Again raising voices not great but unless you are hearing dv I would at least try to make contact first

If anything is dodgy then ring ss but I doubt they would do a lot based on this and I will say there isn't definitive proof of an issues yet

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 16/11/2015 00:21

If you rang social services to tell them your neighbours baby cries sometimes vthey would tell you to sod off and stop wasting their time. Babies cry, often for more than ten mins and more than once a day.
And you can't guess a babies age from their pram.

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Cleansheetsandbedding · 16/11/2015 00:25

It must sound really distressing, there is nothing worse then hearing an distraught baby cry.

What is your gut telling you?

Original poster
jellyfish1979 · 16/11/2015 08:44

Hi all,

Thanks for all your replies, this is exactly what I was looking for.

I certainly don't want to 'waste SS's time' but equally wouldn't forgive myself if there was something wrong and I didn't do anything about it despite noticing. I don't know if there is anything that serves as definitive proof, it is just a gut instinct. I think for a lot of people a neighbour's baby constantly crying would get on their nerves...but it brings out a maternal instinct in me where I just want to hold that baby!!

The main concern I have is that I can hear quite clearly their arguments (although I can't understand as they aren't speaking in English) and can hear the little one cry for a long period of time. What I don't hear is any comforting.

I know some babies get sick/have additional developmental issues which may cause this, which is why I wanted to find out the 'norm'. I would love to go up there and talk to them but I'm afraid they would take the same stance as 'ConstanceMarkYaBitch' and tell me to 'sod off', being a student in my early 20's who most likely doesn't know much.

@ 'ConstanceMarkYaBitch' Thankyou for your help. I know babies cry, I just know from my experience looking after little ones they don't often cry so regularly and unattended. If you know buggys you can tell the difference between a newborn carrier and that of a 2/3 year old (I would have heard he/her talking if so I would expect)...as I say just an estimation for a bit of context!

OP posts:
ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 16/11/2015 10:22

I know buggies, and the vast majority of them are from 0-4 years, so again, you can't tell much at all.
And you really don't know anything, baby crying is not something for you to report to anyone. You'll find that out one day.

AliceInUnderpants · 16/11/2015 10:27

Listen out for them leaving one day and 'accidentally' bump into them in the hallway. Coo over the baby and then decide if there's anything they say/do that feels a concern.

puglife · 16/11/2015 10:35

Don't listen to Constance.

If you have a gut instinct then act on it. I work for s/s and that's what we get drummed into us on a daily basis. It might be nothing and the parents might just need some help but s/s can advise on that too. They will check the details on the system, see if the family are known and probably liaise with the h/v and ask them if they have any concerns. They might know more about the family and why baby might be crying so much (age of teething the health conditions etc.)

They wouldn't fob you off. Or at least they shouldn't.

OnTheEdgeToday · 16/11/2015 10:43

My children have cried, and ive given no comfort. Fine exampe last week. One decided to kick the other one, and wouldnt quit with nastiness so got sent to bed. Boy did he cry and probably made everyone in the next two streets aware of it.
I was passed myself with worry of what my neighbours must have been thinking, but it was nothing more than a tantrum.

Dealing with whingy children can really test peoples patience. At times when im overly stressed, i can come across as shouty.

Im not saying OP's situation is not concerning, im just giving another view of possibilities.

You could always call the NSPCC. They could help you decide on the best course of action

Original poster
jellyfish1979 · 16/11/2015 11:05

God Constance is a jobs worth!!

Thanks everyone else for your help, I feel a lot better about this situation now.

xxx

OP posts:
ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 16/11/2015 11:18

I think you don;t know the meaning of the word jobsworth Hmm

Gut instinct my arse. Nosy neighbour who knows fuck all instinct.

Come back here in a few years when you have a baby that cries a lot and your neighbours call social services to report you, and tell us how that makes you feel.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 16/11/2015 11:25

Tbf, you wouldn't hear someone comforting a child through floorboards, so you couldn't know if they are consoling the child or not. You are only going to hear crying and raised voices, so it could be that your perception of the situation is skewed.

It may be that they are attempting to sleep train the child and so crying for ten minutes several times a day would be normal here.

Saying all that though, you could always ring the nspcc and talk it over to see if they can offer an informed opinion.

Original poster
jellyfish1979 · 16/11/2015 11:37

Quick google of your username confirms it as 10/10 jobsworth.
Definition: "someone who seemingly delights in acting in an obstructive or unhelpful manner".

My adoptive brother is 22 months. My parents don't scream and shout at each other all day whilst he screams and cries unattended. Maybe the norm in your house but not mine Smile Also, I would be so ashamed if my mother used language like that.

Thanks again everyone else for your advice, Happy Monday x

OP posts:
QueenJuggler · 16/11/2015 11:54

Since when has that been the definition of jobsworth???? A jobsworth is someone in a job who upholds often petty rules related to that job, even when common sense would suggest bending the rule in a particular instance. Such behaviour is often justified with the mantra "Its more than my job's worth" - hence the name

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 16/11/2015 11:59

Excuse me Jellyfish , nobody screams or shouts at anyone in this house and you'll find me firmly at the hippy end of the parenting spectrum, so no unattended crying here. None-the-less, crying still occurs and I'm sure my neighbours don't hear comforting.

There is a big difference between ideal parenting and the kind of parenting that requires intervention. Unfortunately, shitty language exists in this grey area but if you suspect abuse or neglect, I'd urge to to phone the nspcc.

Original poster
jellyfish1979 · 16/11/2015 12:02

Sorry kondos that was directed at Constance not you!!! Thanks for your help

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 16/11/2015 12:10

You would never hear me comfort my baby either, She cries and I hold her and whisper to her, she sometimes still cries. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes a few times a day.

You would never tell my babys age from her buggy either.

Not sure why you are giving Constance a hard time for offering a different viewpoint, that is what you ask for when you post, views from differing perspectives.

Clearly you think your childcare experience is valid enough to know what is what so why bother asking.

FWIW I think it would be a huge over reaction to call SS because a baby cries sometimes, but you will do what you want to anyway.

Original poster
jellyfish1979 · 16/11/2015 12:34

Thanks Smile

I won't waste your time next time. Have a nice day!

OP posts:
OnTheEdgeToday · 16/11/2015 14:32

I dont think constance's response to this was harsh. She basically stated that babies cry, which they do. Most buggies are aged between 0-4, which they are. You dont really know anything to report - as factual, which you dont.

Calling childrens services would be a huge jump imo. The nspcc are just as good, and probably suited more for things like this. By all means, if nspcc advice you to call cs, then so be it.

At the end of it all, it is your call. As a mother who doesnt console young children when theyre having tantrums, and as a mother who sometimes has to deal with horrendous screeching and crying, which more often than not is due to something small and trivial - i would be devastated if children services showed up at my door because of it.

Swearing...unless directed at the child, i dont believe anything is actually classed as wrong with that, other than personal opinions. My mums upstairs neighbour swore at her child, shouted at her constantly and was evicted for the level of noise - the council were aware of the way the mother spoke to her child. She has no involvement with cs.

Donge13 · 16/11/2015 14:57

The woman next door asked me if we could hear the baby crying a few weeks ago. We can do nothing but hear the baby crying!! Did I tell her this? No! She looked totally exhausted, I told her we can't hear anything, some babies just cry more than others, not to stress over it and to pop around for a coffee when she was free .

PositivePete · 16/11/2015 15:00

G

PositivePete · 16/11/2015 15:01

My god!! Mine was a Dr Sears high needs, cried ALL DAY every DAY ... I'd be more the livid if you'd phoned SS

BABIES CRY! that's what they do!

nameschangerer · 16/11/2015 15:03

I'm with Constance a bit. You haven't even seen them yet assuming baby has an unhappy life based on crying and raised voices. Baby could be ill and parents stressed. Not really a reason to call SS. Doesn't make constance a jobsworth just because she disagrees with you either. You asked for opinions and advice not for everyone to agree with you.

My baby never cries. Exactly same age as neighbours baby who literally cried all day. Would never dream of calling SS. Babies are hard work maybe offer a helping hand if you want to provide some kind of assistance

Utterlyclueless · 16/11/2015 15:42

You certainly shouldn't report the family unless you 100% believe there's something more going on. You can't just assume because a baby is crying a lot they're being harmed and it's a terrible thing to put parents through if they're good parents it could make them fee worse.

My niece cries a lot like 24/7 but it's because she's so clingy my sister is leaving her to cry now because it won't stop her being clingy otherwise, this might be the case for your neighbours.

Original poster
jellyfish1979 · 16/11/2015 15:44

I never said I was going to call SS nor suggested it ...

The guess of the age of the child was purely for context but sure lets just say the child is 0-4 so we are all agreed.

I was just wanting to know opinions of people who possibly knew more than me on the subject. Maybe I chose the wrong site to post on.

I just haven't experienced a baby crying all the time whilst the parents shout at each other, just not what I'm used to, but oh well.

Thanks all!

OP posts:
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