Got a 'keep the date' wedding thing for next July - what's the deal??

[SirChenjin]

Have never understood the point of these things - which are a relatively new invention, aren't they?

I think we're going to be away on holiday, so do I tell them in advance of the actual invitation or keep schtum until I get the invitation?

It's a clever money spinner for stationery companies. With social media I am clueless to why people can't inform others the date of the wedding.

And what if by January the bride and groom realise they cannot stand some people saving the date? Do they send a "sorry we ditched you for lovely people" card?

And the recipients need to ask:
"do we just save the evening or the full day?"
"Are the children invited?"
"Do I have to decorate your venue or bake the cake to be eligible for the invite?"
"Are you going to send out a 'save the week' card for a week long hen-party at somewhere I would find painful and expensive?"

Ahhh weddings. They are just so lovely.

Not many people do them IMO but they are to let you know when the wedding will be so you don't plan to be on holiday anything else
If you know you will be away tell them and then you won't get an actual invitation, useful to know if they are tight for numbers

Pancake - precisely! It's my cousin and his fiancee, and they are lovely but the whole 'save the date' thing just seems so pointless, especially if it's a date at the start of the school summer holidays. We're hardly likely to not go on our family holiday because of their wedding tbh.

But if you hadn't booked your holiday already then you could avoid the wedding date.

So you just drop them a note, or phone, saying g you're terribly sorry but you're away shame, would live to have been there, but... yada yada yada.

Then they don't bother working you into the table plans and invite someone else.

Yikes at my typing!

It means that, at some point next Spring, they might send you an invitation stipulating various conditions you probably won't be able to meet- no children/no partners/abroad/middle of nowhere/only accomodation costs £600 a night.

No I won't avoid it - it's right at the start of the Scottish holidays so it's the week that everyone wants as the costs are much lower than the rest of the summer. It's not as if we're really close - they have friends and relatives they are far closer to, so I don't think they will really mind if we're not there. It a depends on whether I can get it off work though - everyone in the team usually wants that time off.

OK - will let them know asap

Yep Bike - that's usually the way

YANBU. I don't like being told to "save the date", which seems like an expectation on their side without you being given any information about the event, let alone an actual invitation. By all means mention informally to people the date of a special event - and if they want to come, they'll save the date on their own initiative instead of impolitely being told to!

"Do I have to decorate your venue or bake the cake to be eligible for the invite?"

Or

"Do I have to decorate your venue or bake the cake and still not be eligible for the invite?"

(previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1807864-to-say-no-to-this-request-from-a-friend )

We sent these cards to everyone we wanted to invite because our venue couldn't tell us whether they could give us the Sat or Sun long enough in advance (it was a BH weekend). We included a rough plan of the day and had no cheeky expectation that people would travel miles for just drinks and dancing in the evening, everyone was invited to everything.
It helped those that thought they were close enough to us to travel for our wedding, not to book anything that weekend, and we didn't hold it against anyone who turned out to be busy except those that told us they were coming and then didn't tell us they weren't. We weren't exactly going to ask them when they booked their other engagements.

I don't read 'save the date' as a command; just a useful heads up as to when the wedding will be so that if coming to it is a priority for you, you can keep it free whilst all the invitation details are decided. Also avoids the load of people who know you're engaged nagging about when the wedding will be.

If you know that's when you want your holiday (or whatever) then I agree, I'd just let know now with 'thanks so much for letting us know. Sadly that looks like it'll be clashing with X for us, but have a great day'.

We've sent out save the date cards for our wedding in Feb '17. We've done so because we both have large families that have busy lives and are spread the length of the country from Jersey to Greenock. We added a note to the cards to say that we would love them to come but understood they may have other commitments and that we'd appreciate it if they could let us know if they think they'll be able to come so we can plan numbers. We're on a restricted budget and want to have a rough idea of the size of venue we may need etc.

Or people work. Having a few months notice to book a day off is more likely to mean you can get the day off instead of just a couple of months. I think they are a very good idea, especially for those relatives you might only see at weddings.

We received a save the date card a few months ago for a wedding in July 2016, but after going out with the bride to be last week it sounds as though we just need to save the evening...

We sent ours out a year in advance as it was a bank holiday weekend. Lots of people do it and has been beneficial to us not double booking ourselves.

I like save the date cards! It gives me plenty of time to arrange something i can't get out of, so I can sadly decline their invitation when it arrives

(I've not done that several times at all, oh no!)

Lol, I've never had one of these. Most people I know just announce the date on FB or mention it in person. When my sister was getting married I obviously saved the date but other people I have just decided nearer the time.