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Original poster

shouting at a neighbours child

69 replies

Chippychop · 21/10/2015 19:38

A friend/neighbours dc 9 whom you and your family have known )and socialised with for several years) is playing football in the next garden, Ball keeps hitting fences you shout over the fence to stop. Next thing a rock/stone comes over. you haven't actually seen him do it but you yell at him to get his father and then shout at him over fence to "hurry up and be quick about it". DM comes out apologises and says she was inside so didn't see anything but thinks its strange as that not like her DS but will find out what he says, you are angry and rude towards her. Dad comes over to sort it out as mum is attending to crying child, you are still furious and give the dad short shrift. apologetic texts go back and forth parents don't believe DC would do this, you are convinced it was malicious. Parents are shocked you have been so rude to them. No-one was hurt or injured. who's right /wrong? can you yell at a 9 year old so they cry? if a child does something wrong should you take it out on the parents?

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 21/10/2015 19:40

You seem to have some trouble controlling your anger.

Yes, the child was in the wrong - a stern talking to him or his parents would have sufficed - not "yelling" "shouting" being "rude" "angry" or "furious"

He is a child

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/10/2015 19:50

Is this a reverse?

Original poster
Chippychop · 21/10/2015 21:08

Yes it's the reverse but I was trying to tell it as objectively as poss. I'm terinbly upset by this these people were my childminders when dd was a baby, I was only out with her last week, my Ds and her dd were in the same class for 5 yrs. but they were fowl

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 21/10/2015 21:11

Oh FFS why post it as a reverse? It was obvious what people were going to agree/disagree with!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/10/2015 21:15

If you are long term friends and it's just got out of hand I would make up tbh

Snossidge · 21/10/2015 21:17

I'd be pretty furious if a 9 year old threw a stone over the fence tbh, especially if they parents wouldn't believe the kid did it.

minime8 · 21/10/2015 22:01

If you've been friends so long why wouldn't you believe them when they were saying your 9yo threw the stone? To me, I would be asking your ds serious questions and trusting the adult. I would also be suspicious of possible crocodile tears. It sounds like it all got out of hand, I wouldn't lose hood friends over something like this.

minime8 · 21/10/2015 22:01

*good friends

AnnaMarlowe · 21/10/2015 22:06

A child who through a stone at me after I'd asked them not to kick a ball against the fence would get a strong telling off.

Some children (including one of my own) cry at the least angry word. Crying child isn't a measure if how bad the telling off was.

I'd be frankly unconcerned about the crying if a stone had been thrown - that's extremely dangerous.

BYOSnowman · 21/10/2015 22:10

I would be pretty pissed off if a kid threw a rock my way and the parents said they didn't believe me particularly if I was good friends with them.

LeaLeander · 21/10/2015 22:16

I would be very annoyed in their place at the ball repeatedly hitting the fence in the first place; they should not have been put in a position in the first place to ask that it stop. It's a rude and disrespectful thing to do.

And then to get a rock on top of it -- depending on the day that would make me angry too. And then to deal with parents who expressed doubt that what I was saying had actually happened? Ballistic time.

Were I in your shoes, the child would not be playing with the ball for a long time. And would be going over to apologize in person when calmed down, not texting.

AnnaMarlowe · 21/10/2015 22:38

^^ oh dear Blush threw obvs

AnnaMarlowe · 21/10/2015 22:42

Chippy given that you know them well and are close why do you think they would lie about the stone?

I'm sure your DD is a lovely girl but I'm afraid I can see much more easily why a 9yo would lie in these circumstances than the adult. Even if she's normally very honest.

LyndaNotLinda · 21/10/2015 22:44

I'd be really annoyed if a ball kept hitting my fence. And even more annoyed if a stone came over but the whole family denied the 9 year old did it.

If it wasn't your DS, who threw it? You? Your DH?

Or are you suggesting your friend invented it? Why would she do that?

And yes, if a 9YO does something wrong and the parents don't deal with it, then it's fine to be cross

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/10/2015 22:46

Was there anywhere else the rock could have come from? Anyone else in the vicinity who might have thrown the rock? Or do you think the neighbours are lying to get your child into trouble - do they have form for lying? I am guessing that, if there was another possible culprit for the rock throwing, or if the neighbours were habitual liars, you would have said so.

Unless the neighbours are liars or there is another culprit for the rock-throwing, I think you need to accept that that your Ds did throw the rock, when told off by the neighbours. It was probably a totally out of character, stupid thing for him to do - even the best of children will do something totally stupid sometimes - but you need to face the possibility, and deal with it.

BrandNewAndImproved · 21/10/2015 22:47

Why would you not believe your friend.

hebihebi · 22/10/2015 04:40

If your son didn't throw the rock then where do you think it came from? Having said that, there's no need for the dad to get so angry. Is he always like or do you think he had a bad day? My neighbor is a bit of a grumpy dick so we have learnt to ignore him and stay away.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 22/10/2015 04:50

Sounds entirely possible to me that your DC was crying at the shock of what they'd just done, rather than at the yelling. And as for the question of if the child does something wrong can they take it out on the parents, can you clarify a bit? Your neighbours were angry and their reaction to your DC was to tell them to go get a parent pronto, that sounds a totally appropriate way to respond to me. And then if you and your DH were basically comforting your DC and denying that the rock throwing happened, well yeah I can see their point in being angry tbh.

RebootYourEngine · 22/10/2015 07:16

Why do you think that your child didnt throw the rock?

Why do you think your neighbour would lie about it?

Arfarfanarf · 22/10/2015 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duckyneedsaclean · 22/10/2015 07:29

What if the stone had hit your neighbour on the head?

MythicalKings · 22/10/2015 07:31

Your DC behaved badly. He was asked to stop letting the ball hit the fence. In a fit of pique he threw a stone over the fence - dangerous as he would know.

You should have apologised not shouted at them.

Erimemushinteperem · 22/10/2015 07:43

I suspect if this hadn't been posted as a reverse then opinion might have gone the other way. No idea why but that seems to have got people's backs up.

ArmchairTraveller · 22/10/2015 07:59

Your child ignored an adult telling him not to kick the ball against the fence, threw a stone and you are defending his behaviour?
You don't believe that he threw a stone, so you are calling your neighbour a liar. You think he's crying because he's distraught, not because he might have done something foolish and is worried about the consequences of his behaviour.
Sadly, as a primary teacher, your response doesn't surprise me.
Your neighbour is unfortunate that you are living next door to them.

MTGlass · 22/10/2015 08:00

If there is one rule in life I stick too religiously it is 'Never fall out with friends over kids'. I think you,your husband and your ds owe your friends an apology.

Why on earth would your friend lie about your ds throwing a stone? Confused