Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Lesbian nanny - looking for advice and opinions :)

27 replies

NYC23 · 08/01/2015 14:40

Hi all!

I hope I'm posting in the right place..?

I'm a nanny to 2 children and I started 2 months ago. On the second interview, the parents asked if I had a boyfriend - not prying at all, just in a casual chit chat way, and I said no because I have a girlfriend instead! So because they specifically asked if I had a boyfriend, not a partner, I felt inclined to say no as I wasn't sure how they'd react!

2 months on, in our casual chat, the topic of boyfriends comes up and it's pretty awkward and when asked about my weekend etc, it's isually been spent with my partner I find myself fluffing an answer etc...

Anyway the dad has made a few comments like "oh you're going to be a rug muncher" "are you going to turn in to a dyke" "I will change your facebook status to im a lesbian and in love with blah blah" anyway you get the gist.

Shall I tell them? If yes how? It rally isn't a big deal for me but I don't know how they'd teact haha. I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill!

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 08/01/2015 14:43

Your relationship status/sex life is none of their business but I wouldn't want to work for a homophobic arsehole. In your shoes I'd be looking for another job.

Jackiebrambles · 08/01/2015 14:44

Jesus christ the dad said those things to you??

That's awful!

I wouldn't tell them anything. And I'd be looking for another job if I was you!!

WishUponAStar88 · 08/01/2015 14:45

No advice but the dad sounds like a knob I'm not sure I could work for someone like that but you certainly shouldn't feel that you have to hide who you are.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SaucyMare · 08/01/2015 14:48

leave them.

SunnyBaudelaire · 08/01/2015 14:53

if the dad is making comments like that you should leave and find a new job

alittlehouslessmatch · 08/01/2015 14:56

Oh dear. what a dickhead.

I would let them know in a matter of fact way. Perhaps tell the MB and say that DB has been making some comments which make you feel a bit uncomfortable, so she can deal with him?

I have a gay nanny and nanny subtly let me know in the interview without making a big point of it. Not that it should matter (and it totally didn't matter to me at all) but given the close personal relationship you end up developing between a nanny and employer, it might be nice to make sure you haven't misjudged your boss!

katandkits · 08/01/2015 14:58

The dad, as your employer, is acting illegally as well as being a knob. Imagine if you took him to a tribunal! You can't say those things to an employee!

Isabeller · 08/01/2015 15:00

Just another Shock at the homophobic comments. Good luck however you decide to resolve it.

LetticeKnollys · 08/01/2015 15:10

If it were me (and maybe this is a bit spineless) I wouldn't want to create an atmosphere by saying something and then having to see them every day, so I would try and find another job and then let them know why when you leave.

I don't think you should just put up with it though, I'm surprised you seem to be considering that! Some things just aren't on, it's about self respect really.

MajesticWhine · 08/01/2015 15:45

That dad sounds like a vile individual. I think you have a right to privacy and they don't need to know anything about your relationship status. However, I think I would tell them, and say yes, actually I am a lesbian and I am rather upset by your comments. That will shut him up, and hopefully shame him too. And hopefully it might possibly make him rethink his pathetic comments. You will never hear any questions about your weekend again in all likelihood.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/01/2015 15:50

Tbh OP you are focusing on the wrong thing here. He is a homophobic dickhead.

Id repeat ad nauseum "my love life is no concern of yours" whilst jobhunting!

FrancesNiadova · 12/01/2015 22:43

Shock & very Angry for you NYC. Remind him that this is the 21st Century & it's none of his business!
(Look for another job & run, run away!)

DancingDinosaur · 12/01/2015 22:45

I'd look for another job.

Mydelilah · 12/01/2015 22:48

The comments the dad made are absolutely atrocious! Your sexual orientation is irrelevant to your job. His comments are shocking in any normal context; from your employer they are highly discriminatory as well.

Unless you are happy for your employer to be a prejudiced bastard who makes that type of comment to you, suggest you look for a new job.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 12/01/2015 22:51

Regardless of your sexual orientation those comments are highly offensive and out of line.

LynetteScavo · 12/01/2015 23:08

Wow! Shock

No don't tell them anything, it's none of their business.

Do tell them you are offended if they say such things again.

And yes, I would look for another job.

CaptainHolt · 12/01/2015 23:14

I'd leave. Not only is he massively homophobic, but he has no boundaries or respect or awareness of appropriate behaviour. I bet a shiny pound that if you did have a boyfriend then he'd be asking explicit stuff about your sex life. In fact that is possibly what he is trying to provoke out of you.

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/01/2015 23:21

I wouldn't make a point of it. Just wait until he says something stupid again (guessing that won't take long) and reply accordingly. So if he says 'I'll changed your fb status to lesbian, in love with Susan'. Just say, 'You'd better get her name right or Jane will be well pissed off.

I assume you aren't living in with this job then!

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 12/01/2015 23:28

Ew what a total arse. I'd look for another job tbh. He deserves to be embarrassed about what he said, but not at the cost to you of your working atmosphere. But, when you give in your notice, tell him why. He needs a wake up call about his attitude and behaviour.

Tzibeleh · 12/01/2015 23:32

I wouldn't say anything about your personal life to them. Such an offensive man could well take your gayness as a challenge, and try to 'turn' you, or find it kinky and attractive.

I think it's time to job-hunt. And definitely tell them, afterwards, why you needed to leave.

balia · 12/01/2015 23:32

Yeuch. Just yeuch.

Echo look for new job but in the meantime, whenever he says that you are turning into a lesbian, say 'well spending time with you would do that to any woman' or similar.

His poor wife.

AnnieLobeseder · 12/01/2015 23:33

As others have said, your sexual orientation is irrelevant, your employer is being hugely inappropriate and is an utter cock. It's shame for you, because with the job you do you can't have him hauled in front of HR for inappropriate behaviour. Obviously it's up to you, but I don't think I could stay in a situation like that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/01/2015 00:32

Your employer, of a very short time, thinks it is appropriate to talk about oral sex, sexual orientation and invasion of your privacy. What a repulsive specimen.

If you found them through an agency, I would definitely let them know not to work with this man again. And, find a new job. If you could find an employment expert to advise about leaving/constructive dismissal etc. that would be great...

MuscatBouschet · 13/01/2015 00:42

Start making a log of the times and dates when these things were said in case it does all end badly...

Clobbered · 13/01/2015 01:09

I don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. The comments from the Dad are way way out of line, and seriously offensive. Was the Mum there when he said that? How did she react? I would have hit the roof if my DH dared say anything like that to our nanny.
If you were hired via an agency, I wonder whether you could complain to the agency and have them say something to this couple? I dare say they will have trouble replacing you if word gets out about their horrible behaviour… No matter how nice the job is in other ways, I'd definitely be getting out of there smartish and letting them both know exactly why. The only possible way back would be a grovelling apology from him, followed by no further inappropriate remarks ever ever ever.