5 year old boy behaviour

[cubedmelon]

DS1 has just turned five years old. for about six months we have struggled with his behaviour. He is really changeable, he can have an hour of being lovely

Sorry that sent before I finished.

He can be lovely for an hour; polite, caring, gentle and then it's like a switch flips. Usually he does something wrong that is just a tiny thing and it's as if he thinks "Ahhhh well, I've messed up now. Might as well make it worse!" He can then be rude, angry, shout and disobedient for an hour. Then it's like he gets bored and goes back to being good. This can happen regularly during the day.

All seems well at school, he says he enjoys it and has excellent reports from his teacher.

Any advice? He has a reward chart and a sad face on his chart really upsets him, usually making his behaviour worse as he objects to a sad face. It seems to be the only way to get his attention though, he doesn't care about being told off when he goes into the silly mode. After he has shown good.behaviour I always change the sad face to happy. He also gets sent to his room if he is particularly naughty, he hates this too. It's usually for about 3 minutes and we always give cuddles after. If he is in his silly mood though he comes out of his room and acts the same way.

Friends say it's a phase and their children are the same or were the same but they don't see him at home. He usually behaves at other peoples' houses and when out.

Advice welcome.

Sounds pretty familiar!

We have a code word that we use with ds. One is for when his behaviour has turned from silly to a bit naughty and unless he winds it down he will get a telling off. That word said neutrally and with love is "thin ice". So I might say, just letting you know frat it's getting a big much now, thin ice ok?

The other one is for when he goes into full on melt down, almost like a tantrum. We say "silly smile" which is supposed to help him realise he is over reacting majorly he needs to calm down he's getting too emotional and if he can try and chill out!

It doesn't always work, but it of the time it does.

Thank you for your reply. I posted the message this morning in the middle of one of his episodes. Within 10 minutes of posting he came over to show me something in his book, gave me a cuddle and it was as if it hadn't even happened. Like he had forgotten that I'd told him off and given him a sad face, even though at the time he was in tears about it. He is just so changeable. Hope he grows out of it soon.

I have DT boys

both can be very silly together and need time to calm down apart, it can be incredibly frustrating when one is behaving and the other sets him off so they are both plain silly which turns into bring naughty

have you found it worse over the holidays? we are hoping the back to routine may help

we separate them and use time out or distraction techniques (too much TV unfortunately) as well as fresh air and exercise when we can

Thank you nil, that might be a good idea. I've just had a chat with him and asked him to try and think about how it makes other people feel when he behaves like that. I dont know if we're too strict with him, not strict enough, expect too much. I often think the problem must be our parenting because he is so good and we'll behaved for other people. Maybe he just feels comfy enough at home to let the naughty/silly behaviour out.

Yep super, the holidays have really shown up how extreme he is. The change in attitude and behaviour literally comes from nowhere and before we know it he is being lovely again. I can't keep up.

DT boys! I feel for you.

Although this is normal, it will make your life easier if he did not act like this. One of the things that worked for my children was a detachment story.

Without reacting too much at the time, I would use the incident as part of a bed time story. Using humour, different names, or substituting an animal for a child I would tell the story, showing the outcome.

My daughter could be a sulker, so susie sheep was not allowed to play with the other sheep etc etc. then a kindly cow explained how hurt the other sheep were by her behaviour and sulkiness.

I like the trigger words too. Using Susie instead of her name, then quickly correcting myself brought the story back to her without resorting to yet another telling off.

Thank you Florentina, that's a really good idea. We might substitute the Horrid Henry book for a made up story tonight. Like most 5 year olds, he takes everything in so I think that might be a good thing to try. Thank you for your reply.

It's reassuring to know he's not the only one who behaves like this.

We have used social stories for similar problems in the past. They were developed for use with children with autism to teach behaviours but ime work for all, particularly young, children.

Google it and have a look. National Autistic Society have some good resources iirc.

He behaves like that with you and not with others because he knows you love him unconditionally. So, oddly, it can be a positive sign!

DS is 6. I find Horrid Henry an excellent example, that DS can relate to, of how not to behave.