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Original poster

Amazing Tinder date last night - do I text him to ask out again or wait?

20 replies

Tulip1011 · 30/12/2014 17:25

So...I'm single but new to it, need advice! Had a great date last night with clever funny guy with a great song at the end... Was hoping he'd text to see me again but it's now 5.30pm the next day and not heard (other than a few jokey texts about something we were talking about). As the girl...should I suggest meeting again or just wait to hear from him?? Am worried I may have put him off by telling him I don't want anything too serious as 2 months since last relationship. Don't want to look needy but I'd love to see him again...

OP posts:
Original poster
Tulip1011 · 30/12/2014 17:26

Doh song = snog!! Damn predictive text

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 30/12/2014 17:27

I'm old fashioned on this and my rules are rigid. It's up to the man to make first contact after a first date.

Hold your nerve!

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 30/12/2014 17:42

Yeah...ur probably right...ahh need to stop staring at the phone!!

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HomeHelpMeGawd · 30/12/2014 20:57

I couldn't disagree more. If you enjoyed your time and want to do it again, say so! If he's going to be put off by that, he's a numpty and you're well out of it anyway

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 31/12/2014 11:38

Oh dear you have a valid point as well! We have sent a few messages both agreeing we had a great date...I'm going to give him 2 more days, it is NYE after all...then I'll say something :) thanks for advice

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WhatsGoingOnEh · 31/12/2014 11:45

You won't have put him off by saying you aren't looking for anything serious. Really. I told a man that on one if our very early dates and we're getting married in June. :)

Who contacted who first on Tinder? Whose idea was it to meet for that date? Who contacted whom first with jokey post-date texts? who initiated the kiss?

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 31/12/2014 17:16

I messaged him first on tinder as soon as we matched...he suggested date...I started the post date texts...he initiated kiss. No word from him today though :-(

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Original poster
Tulip1011 · 01/01/2015 08:38

Update - I got bored of waiting and asked him out...thought sod if he's not interested he's not interested :) we have a date next week. The old rules no longer apply x

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WhatsGoingOnEh · 01/01/2015 10:34

"The old rules no longer apply"? Careful with this line of thinking!

It isn't "old rules" that stop clever many women from asking men out. It's that they'd rather only spend time with men who actually like them. If he didn't contact you on Tinder, or after the date, or ask YOU out, you have to wonder how interested he really is. Don't you? How hard can it be to suggest a second date?

I know you've got a date arranged and you're excited but PLEASE don't start thinking that you're just being "liberated" if you start ignoring his lack of interest. Have fun but leave initiating everything up to him now. It'll save you time and heartache in the future.

MorrisZapp · 01/01/2015 11:02

The old rules still do apply, sorry. Of course you've got a date, he wasn't going to say no was he.

But you'll never know now if he had any intention of seeing you again after your first date. Have fun, but for the love of god let him do the asking after this date.

differentnameforthis · 01/01/2015 11:27

Its 2015! Do what YOU want to do.

I don't play games like 'it's up to the man' & then moan that he hasn't contacted me by the time it's 24hrs later. If I was interested, I'd make a move to text him etc. Life is too short to play games.

But that's me..you have to do what YOU want.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 01/01/2015 13:43

"Life is too short to play games." Yes. But it's also too short to waste time in men who aren't truly, 100% interested. We all know women who've lived with men, had KIDS with men, who years later won't commit and leave them for someone else.

Men will go along with a girlfriend for companionship, regular sex, a quiet life - a million reasons. These women are "Good For Now" companions, and are very vulnerable to being dumped along the line. It's far better to guard your heart before you get into this situation. Make sure a man is very interested (asking you out, contacting you regularly, not chasing anyone else, etc) at the START and you're less likely to be ditched or treated casually later on.

It saves a lot more time in the long run! A LOT more.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 02/01/2015 01:00

I see your points and will be really careful that he is doing the chasing from now on...

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meandjulio · 02/01/2015 01:15

I dunno. I hate gameplaying of any sort. I met dh, liked him, asked him out. I knew he wanted to be with me because when I asked him if he'd like to go to a concert together he said 'Yes that would be great'. If you're quite a straightforward person, it's better that the other person knows that right away.

differentnameforthis · 02/01/2015 01:38

meandjulio Agreed! if I waited for dh to ask me out, it would never have happened (he was on holiday - from overseas - in my home town at the time & wasn't looking for anything to happen). I asked him, we dated, 25yr later & the rest is history.

My point is, my life is how it is because I took the bull by it's horns. Otherwise, I wouldn't be where I am now.

peasandlove · 02/01/2015 01:42

tinder takes away the old rules seeing as it's used by most for meeting up for sex. It's hardly dating and courting

GrandTheftQuarto · 02/01/2015 01:42

"Chasing" isn't really a lot of effort for a guy. If he's the kind of man who would go out on another date with you if you asked when he's not really interested, on the off chance of a shag, then he'd probably have asked you out again anyway. It's not as if requesting a second date is some kind of symbol of commitment that shows he's 100% interested.

GrandTheftQuarto · 02/01/2015 01:46

Also, long term, I'd rather be with a man who finds it attractive when I show I'm actively interested in him, rather than a man who's attracted to women who aren't visibly interested.

JeanSeberg · 02/01/2015 01:47

Let him organise the date now op and don't send any more texts.

MirandaWest · 02/01/2015 02:06

I really don't understand why men are meant to do all the asking for dates. Seems odd to me.

What happens in homosexual relationships - how do they decide who asks who for the next date? Are there special "rules" for homosexual dating?

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