Christmas day & family birthday

[peach5]

We use to take turns visiting family each christmas meaning we had to leave the house once every 4 years but since my sister had a Christmas day baby we have been expected to go to the birthday party on the evening of Christmas day ever since. Its too far to walk so this means I can never have a glass of wine with xmas dinner and by the time we get home I an too tired to enjoy one, the kids are also fed up of being dragged out and away from their presents and have said they would prefer to visit on the morning instead. So 7 years on and we have said that we want to stay at home this year and it hasn't gone down well at all, they are too busy to see us on the morning and said their child will be very upset. I feel like I can't win, I either upset my sister and nephew upset my husband kids and myself! Do I give in and go or stand my ground?

I think you should stand your ground. Most people don't have a party on their birthday as it's a school day etc. they have it on the weekend after. Ask to pop over on Boxing Day. I think that's reasonable. It would even extend his celebration.
On my kids birthday when it was in the week , grandparents popped round for a couple of hours but that's it. We had a birthday tea and presents and fun. We then had a party on the weekend for them.
I think they can't see further than their own situation which a lot of parents do.

I can see why it bothers them as there is a danger of the Childs birthday being forgotten at Xmas. Surely if they are 7 there's not too many years left where the child will care. That said the above poster makes a valid point about most kids celebrate on the weekend

Would you mind if she decided her DC weren't going to come you your Dc's birthday parties because she didn't want to tear them away from another celebration?

There was a long thread recently about the small slights (starting with wrapping paper) that happen and leave those with December birthdays feeling that their birthday is never special. There was a noticeable division of feelings between those with near-Christmas birthdays and the rest.

The short answer is that we know that the arguments of those who decide not to celebrate the birthday make perfect sense. But it still frigging hurts when your birthday comes second to Christmas yet again or by yet another person.

I can see why your sister has always tried to make a point of celebrating dc's birthday on the actual day. Ds is born around Christmas and I would always try to do the same although luckily we're not clashing with the actual day which makes it a lot easier.

I can imagine it must be annoying for you for the reasons you mention but I agree with a pp that there aren't going to be that many more birthdays where the child gets made a big fuss of on the day. I'd be tempted to go, but obviously I'm a bit biased given I'm in a similar situation with my ds.

As a compromise could you maybe go as usual this year but make it clear that next year it would suit your family best to visit on the morning? That way the dc is still made a fuss of on their birthday but it also fits in with your own dc?

People with Christmas birthdays I think can be overly sensitive. SIL has never made and effort to see DH on his birthday (or even near his birthday) nor does she arrange for family events near her children's birthday, but is furious when the whole family do not turn up atPILs house two days before Christmas for her birthday.

Treat his birthday like you would any other nephew so if you would see them on the day regardless of any other commitment then go. Otherwise go the day after.

I would like to apologise for not getting round to reply to these messages last year, they really did help us so thank you all very much! To update anyone who is interested, we did give in last year even though it meant walking out of our home on the evening just as dh's family were arriving to visit us! Anyway one year on and nothing has changed. We declined the invite and it all kicked off again. Oh the joys of families at Christmas!