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Original poster

Bit of a cheek (DH Xmas present)

23 replies

MummyKWP · 24/11/2014 07:26

DH has sourced two tickets to see Man Utd at a Old Trafford on Boxing Day.
He is a football fan & supports Man Utd.
I hate football & can't even stand the sound of it on TV. The sound of all those stupid chants etc actually puts me in a bad mood, but I put up with it on tv if he wants to watch it, no problem (of course).

He said the tickets can be his Christmas present from me to hi. Fine, no problem. They're expensive, and we can't really afford it, but if that's what he really wants then that's fine. He can take a friend.

However, he wants me to go with him (also fine-ish), but I personally can't think of anything worse... but I'd go & would make it look like I was enjoying it, for his sake. I can put on a good act.
However, I know him very well (& have been in similar situations with him before)...I just know he will try & claim this is MY Christmas present too!Confused he'll call it a "trip away for the two of us".
I don't mind getting a present I don't want, but I just think this will be a bit of a cheek.
It also means 3/4 hours travelling (I'm a very bad traveller, get sick etc), and it means leaving our 21 month old daughter with her grandparents on Boxing Day. It's only her second Christmas & the first one she understands. I'm a massive Christmas freak! I love it & love being home for the whole Christmas season.
My question is WWYD? Would you put your foot down now about not wanting to go? And make it clear?x

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 24/11/2014 07:29

Could you send him along with another close male relative (Dad, Brother, Uncle) and say it's a present for that person too?

I've been there, done that and it was ok, but not what I would choose for my Christmas present!

SewingAndCakes · 24/11/2014 07:29

I'm with you on this! I hate football too and luckily so does my DH. I would make it clear now that you are happy for him to go, but you are not going with him. Can you invite a friend round that day, so that you have something planned for yourself?

Original poster
MummyKWP · 24/11/2014 07:30

I suppose I'm kinda thinking "who are you kidding?" If he tries to pass this off as my Christmas present. He won't get me anything else (& we can't really afford it anyway).
I don't even mind if he doesn't get me a present at all, but to try & pass off football tickets as my Christmas present will just really annoy me.

OP posts:
Arlagirl · 24/11/2014 07:30

Don't go.You'll obviously hate it

Send him off with a friend.

fuzzpig · 24/11/2014 07:31

No way would I go in that situation.

Hellokittycat · 24/11/2014 07:31

I'd really lay it on thick about how are going along even though you would never normally choose to, as a Christmas gift to him...maybe joke about what can you think of to drag him along to for your present (a music concert he would hate etc) to emphasise that it's his present and you are going along as a favour to him

Original poster
MummyKWP · 24/11/2014 07:32

Good idea PoppyWearer. I suggested he take my dad (DH doesn't get on with his own family but gets on well with mine). I didn't get much of a response when I suggested that. He still insisted I go with himConfused

OP posts:
lauranorder50 · 24/11/2014 07:32

Don't get conned !

Enforcing an activity on you that he knows you don't like isn't very Christmassy is it ?

Ask him to buy you tickets for the Opera and say excitedly that you would love him to come with you. Say blow the expense, call it an early birthday present for him.

PunkrockerGirl · 24/11/2014 07:38

Definitely send him with a friend or relative.

Spend the day with your lovely daughter.

I don't mind football but no way would I spend hours travelling to see a match I wasn't that interested in, especially as a Christmas present.

Arlagirl · 24/11/2014 07:40

You need to make it very clear you don't want to go .
Then enjoy Boxing Day.

H and ds are off to football on Boxing Day..means I can take myself out for nice lunch and walk.

Coconutty · 24/11/2014 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catsmother · 24/11/2014 07:47

It sounds like hell on earth for a non-footy fan - and the ONLY reason I can think of why he is so insistent about you going too, even though he must know that you'd hate it is so he doesn't have to "bother" going to the trouble of thinking about, finding, and paying for a Christmas present that you would like.

So yes, it is a bloody cheek. It's lazy, and it's selfish and you should refuse to go. Don't give in - he cannot "insist" on anything - he doesn't own you. And if he keeps on, you must keep on back - challenging him as to why he'd put you through something like that when you'd not get a moment's enjoyment out of it.

Actually, have just re-read your messages and realised you said you can't really afford anything else now he's bought these tickets. In which case this whole thing is doubly selfish because he's made damn sure he's got what he wants, and sod you. Why the hell did he buy two tickets if it meant using up all the present buying budget ? .... and why was such a large expense not discussed beforehand. Oh yes - because you might have, quite reasonably, put the brakes on his idea, and he wouldn't have got to do what he wanted.

Don't let yourself be swayed. It's not fair either for him to assume your parents will automatically want to babysit. And if you end up with no present, I'd have no hesitation in telling people why that was - because he spent all your budget on himself .... and if he keeps on with "well you could have come" as if you're somehow being unreasonable, make sure other people are left in no doubt that this was something you'd never have wanted to do in a million years. Shame him, he deserves it - and I'm very sorry he's putting you in this position.

If it ends up with you getting no present - because, according to him, "you could have come on the footy trip" - I'd be thinking very long and hard about what this kind of selfishness actually meant in the context of my whole relationship. I really hope for your sake that this sort of thing is a moment of madness and not indicative of a wider selfishness.

ChasedByBees · 24/11/2014 07:47

I would do what HelloKitty says and I'd be making it very clear there was no way I was going now.

bakingtins · 24/11/2014 07:49

Hell would freeze over before going to football was my Christmas present. Make it clear that you expect a gift or a treat day for you, of equivalent 'value' (as in how much you want to do it, not necessarily monetary) as your gift, even if that means you save up for it and it happens later in the year. It seems daft that you use an expensive ticket doing something you don't enjoy - doesn't he have a mate that would be thrilled to go?
I love musicals and DH hates them, he'd sit through one as a favour to me but would rather I took a friend, luckily my older son likes them. I'd never have the front to pretend tickets were a treat or gift for Dh!

bakingtins · 24/11/2014 07:52

And cats is right - why did he buy 2 tickets and why can't he flog one to fund your present?

msrisotto · 24/11/2014 07:53

If you can't really afford it, can you sell the second ticket to one of friends? Or the partner of one of his friends as a christmas present for them?

Longdistance · 24/11/2014 07:57

Get drunk first that's what I do when dh drags me to the rugby

Works every time Grin

Whereisegg · 24/11/2014 08:23

It's not 'a bit of a cheek' it's bloody selfish Angry
As for him 'insisting' you go, errr no.
I would be furious if dh spent so much money on himself, on something I hated, then tried to make out it was my present Angry Angry

SewingAndCakes · 24/11/2014 08:26

Yes, sell the second ticket and get a present for yourself with the money Grin

NormaStits · 25/11/2014 01:15

Catsmother has said it perfectly.

He is a selfish arse. Do not go along with this and tell him you expect an equivalent present for yourself. If he can't see how this is unfair, I'd seriously consider his role in your lif.

catsmother · 03/12/2014 13:13

Bumping this as am wondering how it's panned out OP ??

Original poster
MummyKWP · 11/12/2014 07:11

Catsmother - thanks for your concern! Update is- any time he mentioned me going I just said that it would be wasted on me & I wouldn't enjoy it. He's managed to get a friend to go with him now, with a bit of encouragement from me. Now he'll have to think of an alternative present for me (could be interesting!! So I've just told him pyjamas would be nice...saves him having to hurt his brain thinking too much!)x

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 27/12/2014 20:20

How did it go?

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