State of friend's fridge

[Mai2000]

Can anyone advise what to say to a friend whose fridge is full of out of date food? Earlier she told her DD to stop asking for more cucumber as there is no more, and later I found she has two in there - one is mouldy, one is just after best before date but looks ok. When she went to asda earlier, she dumped her fridge stuff and several hours later I reminded her it was still there. She didn't care and said she'd see to it later. Later she offered my dd chilled food I knew had been out for 6hrs+ and I politely said sorry but I just don't think its safe to eat fridge food that's warmed. When I went in there I found yoghurts 8 days old, mouldy unopened veg, 3 day expired meat and cloudy fruit juice etc. I didn't examine her whole fridge but it was packed including lots of duplicates - one mouldy, one just expired. My friend works in child safeguarding and doesn't rate my opinion - any advice? I told her use by means just that, and leaving food out for 2hrs+ invites bacteria but she says "so what?"

I wouldn't know what to do in this situation and I'm shocked she works in safeguarding. Regarding use by dates I disagree with you a little but giving a kid food that is stored in close proximity to mouldy good. .......
Just reading this is making me feel queasy.

Well, it's certainly not how I manage my fridge and its contents, but ... meh ... I honestly can't imagine even noticing someone else's state of affairs, let alone being bothered by it.

I am just not that intimately familiar with anyone else's fridge.

I also don't think anyone died from consuming 'fridge food' that has been left out for a few hours, although obviously can't prove that either way...

Most food is perfectly fine past use-by, so you're being precious with that comment.

It's not your place to say anyway. The food on the counter was probably fine. She didn't feed her daughter the mouldy cucumbers. She's wasting money and food, but that's not your concern.

It doesn't sound good. What is the rest of her house like?

I did a big fridge clear out recently and there were a few things in there. Been swamped with the summer holidays though.

Ignoring the silly comments, my friend is struggling in lots of ways. The fridge concerned me as I noticed she is very weird with food to her kids (they must ask for each item of food during a meal) and yet her fridge is packed and why give a child three items then require permission to.eat each one? Use by dates are not the same as best before, and buying new food to chuck on the floor all day is weird. I didn't examine her fridge randomly, what a strange assumption. I was asked to make sandwiches and found nothing in date. My friend's reaction was so? And I thought it made me question a few things.

Just to be clear, you all feed your DCs food past their use by dates? Not best before dates, but use by dates? Yes?

I've seen programmes like Dr Phil (US programme) were it comes up that the parent/sibling/carer of someone like drug addict/alcoholic etc actually works in that field. They get desensitized and they just don't see what is right in front of their eyes at home because at home they don't have the "work" head switched on.

That could explain why your friend is blasé about something that stands out to someone else.

Also, if she is struggling with many other things it could be that this is being pushed down the list by everything else. The asking for each item of food could be control because she can't control something which is causing her stress.

As for WWID, not sure really. It would depend on exactly what she is struggling with. If a lone parent could you take her DCs out to give her a break? If money could you help her get some help/ budget. If marital problem a shoulder to lean on.

Adorabell I think you're right about control. She struggles to make her children behave themselves and asking for each food item is one of the few rules they follow, I don't know why. She's got two boyfriends and can't decide which she loves and wants to settle down with. She doesn't like her job, her home is a mess and her kids constantly fight and talk back, they're quite immature but they always have been, that's not new. I think she has a lot going on, don't we all, its just hard to understand why such an easy issue to fix is being ignored and denied. I'm shocked so many people think its okay to use food past its use by date or that's been contaminated as that is clearly dangerous, its science not an opinion. I don't think taking her kids out is an option as she uses having little childcare as an excuse to stay in and avoid socialising, its a good idea I just think she'd refuse any attempt and get annoyed. Also I'm a lone parent myself with my own difficulties so really I need to find a way to get her to help herself. She's capable just not willing. I think if I understood why she's being so strange and blaze these days I'd have more chance. Her doctor did give her antidepressants a while ago vut she refused to take them and doesn't think you solve problems with tablets.

Most of the food i buy doesn't come with a date stamped on so I have to use smell and look at it. I have had milk in the past that should have been fine, but despite being in my fridge it went bad well before its time. So now the few things that do have dates i smell and look at, and yes have consumed yogurt that was just past the use by date.
Having moldy food isn't good, but having a cucumber with a date that's lapsed is nothing to fret about.... Although why does supermarket produce come with dates yet green grocers, butchers etc not a date in sight?

'Use by' dates are for people who are unable to judge for themselves whether food is edible or not. Surely no sensible person thinks it's edible one day and on the stroke of midnight becomes inedible.

The rest of what you describe sounds minging.

This is how I grew up. I now have massive anxiety about food and mould. They would refuse to throw anything away - it was an aspect of hoarding behaviour for them.

My parents have recently split and I think mum is a lot better now (it's dad who barely functions) but I'm still scared about staying with her this week. I will have to check everything.