Three men in my life.

[ilikelemurs]

Please please please help me.

I have a dilemma: there are three men in my life.
I'm 30, female and my boyfriend and I tried having kids for over 2 years but can't and now he doesn't want kids anymore, I really want kids and I feel breaking up with him is the best thing to do but I feel so sorry for him.
While we were on a break (he was in South Africa for 6 months) I started seeing this guy who's 40 and wants to settle down and have kids.
I love him and I thought he was the best option until I recently saw my old love at a friends party (from when I was 17) and in the heat of the moment I told him I still have feelings for him and he told me he felt the same way, I left without giving an answer and now he keeps trying to call me. All the while I'm living with my boyfriend and I'm still seeing this guy who's 40. I don't want to hurt any of them. I really don't know what to do. Help?

Thanks for taking your time to read this.

I think firstly you need to dump your boyfriend for his sake you clearly don't love him or you wouldn't be cheating.
Then honestly I think you could do with being on your own and really thinking about the future not just rushing into having children with either man- how well do you know either of them really?

Wait, so bf came home from South Africa and you are now living with him? He doesn't know about the 40 year old? Just want to make sure i have got the right end of the stick.

Obviously only you can really decide what is best for you BUT if i were you i would
a) dump bf (one that came back from South Africa) you don't want the same things anymore and you have this big lie that will undoubtedly come out eventually.
b) ask yourself, are you only with the 40 yr old because he wants kids? Can you actually imagine being with him for the rest of your life?
c) What are your feelings for the old flame? Does he want the same things as you?

(does 40 year old know that you are living with someone else?)

It is very unfair to BF1 (especially if he's the one you are currently living with) to string him along.

So ending it with him needs to the the first step, and one to be taken ASAP.

Then, once established living independently, you can start to examine if either BF2 or BF3 is someone you want in you life. Right now, you cannot make a good decision on this, as you are not dating either of them properly and just won't get to know either well enough.