Are they expecting a meal??

[iMN]

First visit by a relative and his wife to our house. They are in their early 60s. First visit because we've never lived close enough to each other before and also because his wife suffers bad depression and often struggles to leave the house (so this invitation acceptance is a significant one for her, fair play).

We agreed a while back on a visit this weekend. Then yesterday they messaged to ask if 1 o'clock was ok. I agreed, because it was, and because I assumed it was considered a post-lunch visit. But now I'm probably overthinking it and wondering whether they assume an invitation to sunday dinner??

Thoughts please - do you think they assume a meal for that time? And would you ask them directly about it beforehand and risk upsetting/putting off a highly depressed person?

Perhaps ring them and say we eat at X o clock, we will be having xyz would you like to join us or come afterwards?

I would say that was smack bang lunch time, but I wouldn't do a roast, I would do afew platters of things you could help yourself to or not.

Cold meats, salads, cheeses, crudités, dips and the like.

We'd have eaten by then usually due to young DCs so I'd ask them directly if they were eating before they came or would they like lunch here.

Plus we don't do Sunday dinner at lunchtime

I wouldn't directly ask but would offer them something to eat whilst they are visiting you, roast a big chicken and go for a cold buffet type lunch. That way if there are any left-overs you can have it the next day or in the evening

Thanks for responses :)

I do think that their suggestion of 1pm assumes a family meal, both due to their generation iykwim, and because they are travelling 45 mins minimum to get to us.

But then I keep going in circles, thinking what if they don't think that and they are embarrassed by the food being served...but asking them directly would also embarrass them...

Hmm it just has to be a cold buffet thing, doesn't it!

Just text and say when would you like to eat and are there any food preferences you need to be aware of.

We usually eat a brunch at 11am on weekends and then a meal later. We never eat at 12 noon. My parents do the same. Don't assume they'll be hungry.

Call and invite them to lunch, say that your dcs need to eat earlier, I agree with cold platters, if she struggles with leaving the house, they might be late.

That's what I'd like to do but what if they are embarrassed because they always thought it was for lunch

Quite the annoying overthinking OP, aren't I?!

Sorry, that was @ rudymentary

Yes, asking about food preferences is a good way to go, gives them leeway to say not to worry about feeding them.

I would ring and say that you were assuming they were coming for lunch, but suddenly had a panic that they might already have eaten- they do want lunch, don't they? It's much easier to say oh, no we're eating earlier/later than oh, we thought we were having lunch with you. If you see what I mean.

If they are having lunch somewhere else, some canapés and wine would be a good idea- particularly if it might be a bit awkward. The anxious guest might welcome something to hide behind.

If they're leaving their house 11.30-12 to come to yours, they are coming to lunch.

Best to ask them about meal preferences now. If they planned a late breakfast, they can now skip it and have lunch at yours. Otherwise, they will turn up expecting lunch and be embarrassed by cold cuts.

Reminds me of time I invited friend for dinner and catch up. She shows up with new fiancé in tow. I had to pretend I had an upset stomach and sit at table watching him wolf down my entree as I "settled" my stomach with toast.

If you don't ask them, then you run the risk of a) them arriving hungry and you already having eaten or b) them arriving full and then potentially having to eat another full meal out of politeness.

You HAVE to ask them. Not asking them will turn a potentially slightly awkward situation into a potentially massively awkward situation.

You are very right.

Ok. Will message them right now and will update.

(Because of course you are all on tenterhooks waiting to hear what happens )

Well, I asked if there was anything they didn't eat and they asked 'what are you thinking of doing??'
Think I'm none the wiser :)

Ha ha! Unbelievable, can you ring and ask them? I would be the same as you, so I don't think it would be at all unusual to ring and say- oh you are coming to lunch aren't you?

For a 1pm arrival time I would definitely assume they were expecting to eat. An afternoon visit would start later, and a morning visit much earlier. What you provide is up to you.

We tend to communicate online not telephone.
Just got another message saying they'll eat anything so I guess that's all settled then :) they either assumed a meal in the first place or they are going along with it so as not to now appear rude but at least no surprises or hunger for anyone tomorrow!