If you knew someone was having an affair

[JDD]

Would you tell the wife?

A very old and very close friend has been having an affair with a married man for 2 years. I have only just found out. I've known something has been wrong with her for ages as she looks skinny and ill and seems extremely unhappy but I've only just found out why. I've told her what I think of them both but I care about her and still want to support her.

He has her convinced that he's trapped in an unhappy marriage and she's the only good thing in his life. He has a disabled daughter and uses that for his excuse for not leaving. My friend has low self esteem. She met this OM shortly after getting out if an abusive relationship and the OM makes her feel special and loved. She has tried ending it but he won't leave her alone. I've told her she needs to cut all contact.

I feel terrible for the wife. It sounds like this man has cheated before. I want her to know what a scum bag her husband is and I want him to leave my friend alone as she seems too weak to end it despite being really unhappy.

So WWYD if anything?

I would tell my friend I think she is being used & no good will come of it but other than that if I'm not friends with the OM's wife I'd mind my own business.

There is nothing much you can do. I've watched it myself, you just have to let your friend learn the hard way and be a good enough friend to pick up the pieces.

Yeah I've told her all this but she really believes that he is a victim. I feel so angry with this man.

I am in a similar situation. I met up with an old colleague who was in the area (he now lives abroad) and he ended up telling me about the affair he was having. I don't know his wife at all but I feel terrible for her.

I called him a skanky hoor and left the dinner uneaten.

He's following the classic script - wife doesn't understand him, this woman he's seeing is so right for him, but he won't leave his wife and the new woman is happy with that.

Bollocks.

its all about Sex though isnt it.

She reckons they are genuinely in love with each other. She said he cried when she finished it. She's told him not to contact her again but I think he'll carry on flooding her with 'love' and devotion and emotional blackmail about how miserable his life is.

and after the sex, he just wants someone to iron his shirts and make his meals.

This is exactly what I said to her. He can pick and choose the parenting he does, he has a live in maid and sex, excitement and adoration from the OW.

It speaks volumes that he/she isn't thinking about the long term devastation they will and are causing.

I did once.
A 'friend' was doing the dirty on his girlfriend.
I told her.
She was devasted.
Everyone fell out.
Then she went back to him, and had no more to do with me.

I'm still glad I did it, but I'm not sure I'd do it again, depending on the situation.