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Original poster

Everyone calls my baby Joseph 'Joe'

97 replies

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 10:30

And even worse, spells it Jo half the time!

I knew nicknames would be used at some point but I imagined in the future and not straight after birth.

Many of the family have never called him Joseph and of course have spread to as many friends and neighbours as they can that he is called Jo.

It is doing my head in! If anyone has a William how would you deal with people calling your baby Bill right from newborn?

Talk about naming regret!

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 18:49

I had a little bet with myself that this would be a MIL thread!

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:50

Bless her - I do love her and she has many qualities I really honestly appreciate.

But her, with the SIL, are a formidable force and it really can en up with them deciding everything. Even what my DS is called!

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 29/05/2014 18:54

It would irk me because for me, I spent so long trying to get pg then thinking about the possible names that it just seems impolite to ignore your choice and call your baby by a different name. After you've just had your Lo you are usually a bit loved up with everything to do with them and anyone who's had a baby should know and respect your wishes.

Before I get flamed this is my thoughts, other people can think what they like

Interested in this thread?

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Families

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:57

It wouldn't be very rational to flame you for that!

Thanks for explaining. It kind of helps me put into words how I'm feeling. Sometimes it can be a bit bewildering!

OP posts:

coffeetofunction · 29/05/2014 19:01

I have an Ashton & I made it very clear when people tried to call him ash that it was not his name. People didn't like me correcting them & though I was being precious but his name is Ashton not ash....even at secondary school I won't be standing for it

AntinousWild · 29/05/2014 19:01

There is nothing wrong with a nickname growing out of love and affection for a child. It is normal and lovely. Loved is the child of many names after all.

But this is not the same thing as somebody immediately shortening somebody's name on first hearing it. That is borne out of habit or laziness and is different to the organic process of somebody gaining a nickname from a loved family member.

As I said upthread, I didn't like the notion that dd 'MUST be a Tilly' because of her given name. She has all manner of nicknames and her grandparents have special pet names for her. But had I introduced her on the day of her birth as 'Mathilda' and immediately people had said 'oh Tilly how lovely', I'd have been miffed. Her name is Mathilda. She may choose to be a Tilly when she's older and that's her choice. But when I introduce her to people, I expect that they'll acknowledge the name I use, not use their chosen shortening with immediate effect.

I'm neither stroppy nor rude about it and it's hard to not sound snippy on an Internet forum.

MirandaWest · 29/05/2014 19:03

I have a Benjamin who's 10 and nearly everyone calls him Benjamin. He has been known to correct people who call him Ben, although he hasn't for a while .

I was once helping in his class when there was a supply teacher in and doing the register. For some reason she called Ben (who is a Ben) Benjamin and Benjamin Ben which made no sense

MrsWinnibago · 29/05/2014 19:04

I used to get annoyed about my DD2's name being lengthened! It doesn't annoy me now as I see it as a sort of friendly, warm thing to do. She's Rose but gets called Rosie and sometimes Rosa...and other times, by her more dramatic mates "Rosalie and Rosalita!" I just leave it. She can tell them if she doesn't like it!

MirandaWest · 29/05/2014 19:04

Oh and if he wants to be Ben that's fine. His friends call him Benjy and that's fine.

I call him Bob which is probably odd

Ludways · 29/05/2014 19:07

My ddad was called his full name by his parents and older family until they died, didn't stop him introducing himself as the nn all his life. He has only one aunt who calls him full name still and he loves it but still doesn't want anyone else to call him it.

Dh has a cousin who refers to his dd as nn when talking to family, friends and even random public but corrects everyone else to say the long name every time, saying the nn is only for mum and dad. That's confusing for most people, why doesn't he just refer to her as the long name in public, people never know what to say and there's always an embarrassed silence.

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 19:50

The trouble is, after the best part of 10 months, I feel a bit of a mug saying how I feel now.

All these months be been consistently calling him Joseph and never Joe, and replaced the name subtly as some suggested, but it made no difference and I was outnumbered.

If I mention it now, every time they say his name there will be awkwardness. I'm damned if they do and damned if they don't because I know it will be an issue with them.

I just wish t didn't put my teeth on edge very time they call him a name I didn't didn't choose for him.

And because I am in the minority here, I suspect the majority will win.

OP posts:

HolidayCriminal · 29/05/2014 19:52

I would peg most of you down as crazy control freaks for being so insistent about it.

My aunt tried to do this with her son ("He's Matthew, not Matt!").

Everyone but her calls him Matt nowadays (he's in his mid 30s).

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 19:54

Holiday - I don't know what name you go by in real life, but I bet if people called you a name that you don't go by, you wouldn't like it too much would you?

And that's how I feel about my baby.

Of course if HE is the one choosing Joe over Joseph then that's completely different. But it's not.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 29/05/2014 20:15

Yabu I'm afraid - you must have known it was a risk when you chose the name. It must be annoying though. It's just one of those names that gets automatically shortened. We deliberately avoided such names for that reason.

Auntimatter · 29/05/2014 20:20

You need to decide what is more important to you: your son being called by his actual name, or people thinking it's a bit odd of you to suddenly start mentioning it.

If you care that much, gather your confidence and being your campaign. It will be life-long, but personally I think it's worth it.

Auntimatter · 29/05/2014 20:20

Begin

DinoSnores · 29/05/2014 20:26

I've got a number of friends who are James who are NEVER Jim or Jimmy, Elizabeth and never anything but, Jonathan who are nothing but Jonathan.

I'll carry on correcting people (although I can't think that I have ever needed to as no-one has ever taken the liberty of changing one of my children's names) until the child decides they want to be known as something else. DC1 is off to school in Sept so we'll see what he becomes, but I always wanted him to get the opportunity of being his full name rather than a nickname from the start.

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 20:34

Auntimatter - yes I do think its worth it. I can't really act against it because it's like a compass, no matter how hard I try to keep turning it on its head, it still points north. I just can't seem to change how I am feeling.

Xmasbaby11 - yeah you'd think I'd have been able to predict this, wouldn't you! But sadly I didn't see this coming so soon. I honestly thought it would be more HIS choice rather than his parents choice, muh less his aunts and grandparents choices.

Just didn't see that one coming, because as I said, I wouldn't dream of doing it to someone else.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 20:35

One of mine has a name with lots of shortenings. I prefer the full version, so that's what I use. Everyone else uses what they or he likes. I don't own him. He has relationships with lots of other people- what they call him is none of my business.

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 20:50

Hakluyt - did you have that from birth or as he was growing up?

It somehow seems a little different to me that it's been like that right from the get-go.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 20:55

I handed him to his grandfather, who greeted him with an Irish diminutive, which he continued to use until his death. Ds was 6 hours old.

His big sister invented her own name for him, which she still uses 13 years later!

Hellokittycat · 29/05/2014 21:08

Seems like the main problem is that your dh is calling him joe too now. If he was strict with Joseph like you are then it would be easier to nip in the bud.
Have a chat with dh. If he's not prepared to use Joseph from now on and actually likes using joe then you can't really do anything. You'll have to just each call him what you prefer.
If dh will agree with you then maybe you can have a chat with mil. Don't pull her up on it when she says it as that would be awkward but have an actual chat about how you regret not telling people earlier and it's got a bit out of hand and would she mind trying to use his full name to help it stick with the rest of the family?

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