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Original poster

Everyone calls my baby Joseph 'Joe'

97 replies

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 10:30

And even worse, spells it Jo half the time!

I knew nicknames would be used at some point but I imagined in the future and not straight after birth.

Many of the family have never called him Joseph and of course have spread to as many friends and neighbours as they can that he is called Jo.

It is doing my head in! If anyone has a William how would you deal with people calling your baby Bill right from newborn?

Talk about naming regret!

OP posts:

MostWicked · 29/05/2014 16:23

I would never give my child a name, that I couldn't bare any of the shortened versions of it.

Correct it all you like, but you'll never stop it from happening.

gamescompendium · 29/05/2014 16:25

I always think it's very rude to shorten someone's name as soon as you meet them. I would always call someone by the name they (or their parents for a small child) use themselves.

FWIW my brother has one of the names above that people say is always shortened. As a child he had the 'y' ending within the family (still does), his school friends use another childhood nickname. But when he went to University he used his proper name (his best friend from school went to the same Uni and met me in the park one day and said 'Do you know what 'nickname' is calling himself???? PROPER NAME!!!!) and has ever since.

I'm never very sure what to say when people shorten a name, I don't particularly like it but I think some people are allowed to. MIL and Mum have both shortened the kids names at various points but not consistently and I think it's nice for a grandparent to have a pet name for a child so don't mind that - they would alway use the proper name when talking to friends and neighbours though so it's a different situation. Children do start using their own choice of name though as they get older, my cousin's kid is now always known as a short form that she chose at the age of 4.

Ragwort · 29/05/2014 16:27

Stumpers - I know a family who really did have 'Bill and Ben' - must be my age but it really amused me.

I have the opposite with my son - ie: I christened him with a 'short' name eg: Joe but he is often called Joseph (not real name).

I don't let it worry me, it does sound a bit pedantic when parents correct the name all the time.

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Families

yourlittlesecret · 29/05/2014 16:27

We deliberately chose names that, when shortened, could be boy or girl.
(Think Samuel /Samantha/Sam).
Both DC were boys and DS1 was called by the short version from birth but we called DS2 by the full name until he was 6. He then stated a preference for the short version. Interestingly at 16 he now wishes to revert to the long version.

My point I suppose is that ultimately the child will choose.

OorWullie · 29/05/2014 16:30

I called him James because I liked the name James funnily enough, just because shortened versions of a name exist doesn't mean it's ok for someone to re-name a child as they see fit.

It's disrespectful to disregard someone's name just because you think the nickname is preferable or you are just too lazy to use the full name.

If he wants Jim/Jimmy/Jamie when he is older that's fine, but it's up to him to decide, not some pompous twit who can't be arsed using his actual name.

mrsravelstein · 29/05/2014 16:30

people shorten names, nothing you can do about it. dc1 has a non-shortenable name, but is regularly by various people called a sort of longer version of his name (think davey instead of dave, that kind of thing). i have a very long 3 syllable name and all my life, despite the fact that i have never ever introduced myself as anything other than that name, people will shorten it. it's just a totally normal thing. sorry!

OorWullie · 29/05/2014 16:32

Tinkly his nose is teeny... he might end up getting Jimmy Giant or something if he keeps groeing at his current rate though

OscarWinningActress · 29/05/2014 16:57

My kids all have shorten-able names and are called different things by different people. I think it's sweet and a sign of fondness or affection. I can't imagine ever correcting someone and/or asking them to use the proper version; how rude and snobby . Why choose a name if you are going to get upset about one of the inevitable nicknames . Plus, correcting someone only serves to make you look foolish and mean. Nicknames are completely organic and usually borne out of friendship or love. Let it go.

SecretNutellaFix · 29/05/2014 17:15

My sister has always been insistent that our Joseph is always Joseph.

He gets nicknames (munchkin) but Joe? Not from this side of the family and last time his uncle on his fathers side tried it he just looked at him and said "No, I Joseph" and that sorted that.

Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 17:21

Correct if you like- but be prepared for people to be upset. Is it worth that?

FiveHoursSleep · 29/05/2014 17:24

We have a Joseph and hardly anyone has called him Joe off the bat. If they have, I just say no, it's Joseph and it's not been a problem. I don't mind if he wants to be called Joe at some stage, but for now it's Joseph ( or Jofish by his sisters :) )

Auntimatter · 29/05/2014 17:35

As others have said you just need to correct Everyone. Every time. Briefly but firmly.

I have a long name and use it all. So many people seem to be under the delusion that shortening it on meeting me is being friendly. It's not, it's just rude. The people who ask about what I use are better, but the best are people who call me My Name because it's My Name. If they were called Paul I wouldn't randomly decide I'd be friendly and call them Jemima. The short versions are just as much not my name as that.

myitchybeaver · 29/05/2014 17:44

Just keep correcting, my brother has a long unshortened name and so does my DS. I just kept correcting people, more in passive way. When people said 'is shortname enjoying school?" I would say "yes, longname loves football and has lots of friends. Every time. Annoying when my DS got to be a teenager he chose to be known as shortname so all my hard work was in vain. My brother is 40 and has a long name that has never been shortened.

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:26

I appreciate those who replied with understanding.

I know I probably should have expected someone to eventually try and call him Joe, but I had (naively?) expected people to at least refer to him by the name I chose for him in the beginning.

Some of the family have never called him by his chosen name. I don't know if I would mind as much if they had done. It is - like someone said up thread - as though they're saying "we don't care what you want to call your son, we've got better different ideas and will call him what we prefer instead!"

I was vaguely resigned to the idea that he might choose a shortened version with his mates and school, but he's not even one year old yet! And it makes me cringe a bit when I hear "Joe" all the time because Joseph is so much nicer and I am his Mum after all! Can't I have people call my baby the name I chose for him?

I wish I didn't mind but I do.

OP posts:

Nishky · 29/05/2014 18:33

You can have the name you chose, but whether Joseph or Joe is nicer is a matter of opinion surely

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:37

Yes of course I meant Joseph is so much nicer imo.

I fully accept there will be scores of people who prefer the name Joe. My in laws clearly do! But they didn't choose to call their boys Joe so it can't be that important to them - and even if it was, they're not the bloody parents!

OP posts:

unrealhousewife · 29/05/2014 18:37

My DPs did this to two of my DNs, I would stand up and defend my brothers. It was as if they couldn't bring themselves to accept their new family members weren't of their own making.

Interesting to observe. Actually they kept calling mine slightly different names too.

FiveHoursSleep · 29/05/2014 18:39

Play stupid. If they call him Joe, just say 'Who??' and when they explain, say 'Oh you mean JOSEPH!' :)

Nishky · 29/05/2014 18:41

If he is called Joseph by you and his dad at home, then surely that is what he will call himself?

Just re - read whole thread- bit nasty of your it's

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:42

Ugh. Actually it's really helpful to come across people who have experienced this too. It's more commonplace than I had imagined.

Foolishly I assumed people would call him by the name given. I wouldn't dream of being told someone was James only to then call him Jim. You just don't!

But with my first child, 'jokes' were even made about me carrying their next baby, and I remember having to do more than raise an eyebrow at that little gem! Had to point out it would be an incestuous relationship if that was really the case, and are they really sure that's what they want to say?!! But it kind of showed me where they placed themselves in their over-enthusiastic helpful parenting of my offspring.

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 29/05/2014 18:43

Correct them if you choose to, but once he's in school he will probably be shortened forever more. How many Davids, Josephs or Stevens do you know who use their full name in adult life?

The shortening from birth would irk me though. My dd has an unusual name and I can remember getting a Christmas card from the DIls when she was about three with her name spelt incorrectly again and normally placid DH telling his mother "she's your Granddaughter, you've has 3 years to learn her name Mum, you really should make the effort".

JiltedJohnsJulie · 29/05/2014 18:44

Nishky. Not sure it works like that. We call dd by her full name and she was very quick to shorten it herself.

Panzee · 29/05/2014 18:45

I don't correct my shorteners but my son does! "I'm not Joe, I'm Joseph!" he says. Keep calling him the right name and your son will know who he is. :o

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:45

Nishky - I think I mentioned up thread that his Dad called him Joseph but then followed the females of the family in calling him Joe, especially when around them. At home he now uses both.

Interestingly my first child always calls him Joseph and never Joe. I am Half hoping he will correct everyone else too as I think ironically they'd take more notice of my toddler than of me!

OP posts:

Original poster

GotAnotherQuestion · 29/05/2014 18:48

Jilted - why would it irk you if they changed it from birth? I am interested because, as I said before, I kind of braced myself for it much later on, but somehow from birth seems ... I dunno ... worse. I find it hard to explain to DH why that is.

OP posts:

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