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Eating Disorder Recovery

999 replies

OhIFellOff · 18/03/2014 16:47

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

OP posts:
carriewintermeadow · 05/10/2014 22:38

Fighting, that's great. Still reading through the thread, but I'm finding it inspirational. I've also ordered the Overcoming Binge Eating book.

I think I have to stop worrying about being overweight for now, don't I? Confused

FightingBed2014 · 05/10/2014 22:47

It's a good plan. I can't tell you what to do as such but I can advise you that focusing on the mental health has far more sucess than focusing on a number on a scale. Our eating is a symptom the crux is finding what are the causes, different for us all. Although we do have a lot of similarities in many areas.

I think when you read the book parts will click with you and possibly highlight things you didn't realise are affecting you. Getting it was by far the best thing I ever did for myself. I really hope it does the same for you.x

Sleepwhenidie · 05/10/2014 22:51

Hi Carrie, welcome Smile

With stopping worrying about being overweight...yes is the essential answer. I come at weight from the point of view of in order to lose something, you first have to own it, ie accept yourself (love yourself, ideallySmile) as you are in order to make positive changes. To get the body you want, you need to treat the one you have now (for it is one and the same!) with love and respect, have you ever known anyone treat something they hated that way?

The other aspect is to look for what is really behind your overeating and weight and to try and address those issues, to aim to treat the cause, rather than than simply addressing the symptoms Smile.

Sleepwhenidie · 05/10/2014 22:53

X post with fighting - you might not really need me here!

FightingBed2014 · 05/10/2014 22:53

sleel you puy it much better! thanks.x

FightingBed2014 · 05/10/2014 22:54

sleep even. that took two attempts to write again, I may be tiredBlush.

Sleepwhenidie · 05/10/2014 22:57
Grin
Sleepwhenidie · 05/10/2014 22:57

Go to bed!!

FightingBed2014 · 05/10/2014 22:58

We will always need you sleep! We couldn't have got this far without your help and guidance. Days where I have been low and ready to quit because I went backwards, you have shown me I can do it. You can see things from a different perspective and have helped me to open up and explore difficult subjects a way I couldn't before. I will always be incredibly grateful and there is much more work to be done.x

FightingBed2014 · 05/10/2014 22:59

Hope you had a good weekend.yes I will go to bed now.x

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 00:24

Thanks for the replies and advice Smile

My thoughts at the moment are: I have huge self esteem issues. Also I've heard colleagues, friends talking about how fat people are, "so and so has really put on weight", I can't bear the thought of them talking about me like that. Also a couple of years ago my DM commented that I'd put on weight. I have issues with not being good enough for my parents, pleasing my parents etc, now I can't get that out of my mind.

I do know that, no matter how much weight I've lost in the past, I still didn't like what I saw in the mirror! Shock Sad

I eat for lots of different reasons, stress, boredom, unhappiness ..

I have few clothes that fit comfortably and no money to buy new clothes.

I've read quite a bit of the thread, but then it jumped from May to September, so I'll try reading the rest on my pc tomorrow(on my phone at the moment). Bedtime now ..

Sleepwhenidie · 06/10/2014 08:14

I'd really recommend reading Eating in the Light of the Moon too Carrie.

Bingeing can have many causes. Most often the main reason people end up bingeing is (amazingly) because they are hungry! Consistently trying to lose weight, restricting food and depriving your body of the nutrients it needs...there is only one natural outcome for most people, the biological command to eat will win-but by that point, reason has flown out the window and we reach for rubbish that still doesn't give us what we need. Added to which we feel guilty and horrible, a failure because we don't have enough willpower. When what you actually have is a properly functioning body (once you can genuinely and consistently suppress hunger you are in a whole different area of even more serious issues, such as anorexia). And the spiral continues.

So start from a point of view of trying to make sure you give your body good food, the stuff it needs, regularly - three meals a day, each with protein, good fat, whole foods. Eat them slowly, pay attention, enjoy. Feel your hunger, try and recognise satiety. Forget about calories/portion size/carbs or fat, it's just for a short period. Also pay attention to how you feel after different meals. Energised, sluggish, poor digestion?

Many people find the need to binge disappears simply by eating properly, letting go of the diet. If not, then you can begin to identify the triggers that are related to emotions etc.

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 14:10

Thank you Sleep, that all makes sense. I'll look for the book when I've finished Overcoming Binge Eating.

So glad I found you all here Smile

FightingBed2014 · 06/10/2014 15:48

I'm glad you did too Carrie. Having support and understanding can make such a difference.x

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 16:24
Smile
IronMaggie · 06/10/2014 18:53

Hi there - I've only just found this thread but I think I should have been on it a long time ago. I still need to read through the whole thing, but I can tell I'm going to find lots of help here. I've realised over the last few months that I officially have an eating disorder, and it's making me desperately unhappy. Hope it's ok that I join in?

Perfectlypurple · 06/10/2014 19:04

Hi maggie. Welcome to the thread. You will see we are all in the same boat when you read the thread. It will take a while to get through it though. Grin

FightingBed2014 · 06/10/2014 19:19

Of course you're welcome maggie It's an open house policy here. We are all in the same boat and what better way to do this, than together?!x

FightingBed2014 · 06/10/2014 19:31

Carrie what you said re the worries of what others are thinking of you and your weight, I can very much relate to that.

It has been a voice in my head for as long as I can remember. Do you have any influences closer to you that may have made you more sensitive to it? Mine was my family and their attitude towards weight and associated stigmas. It is strongly (although not exclusively) linked to my not feeling good enough either. It's losing it's grip on me now but I wanted you to know your not alone In feeling that way.x

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 20:42

Thank you Fighting. I don't know, I just know I have a weird relationship with my parents. My DF isn't good with emotions and is quick to criticise or make fun of me - talking about my school days and how rubbish I was. My DM is slightly overweight, but obviously very preoccupied with weight and appearance. I think also I think I'm shallow, not very clever and not attractive, so at the very least I want to be thin. I worry a lot about what people think about me Sad

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 21:13

Also it doesn't help that dh is 6.5 years younger than me, so I feel the need to always be young and desirable and sexy. Sadly at 50 I don't feel remotely sexy Blush

Ironically dh is very overweight!

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 22:43

Today I have tried to eat without counting calories, having what I fancy. I didn't binge. This is what I ate:

2 poached eggs on buttered rye bread toasted, individual Tiramisu, pork loin steak, sauteed cabbage, home made apple sauce, a Fry's chocolate cream bar, a small pack of Kettle Chips (from a multipack), 2 pieces from dh's caramel bar, 6 mugs of black decaf coffee, 2 glasses of water.

I know it's not healthy eating, but I think first of all I need to allow myself to eat without worrying about calories, hopefully then I'll stop crabbing the sweet stuff.

I hope no one minds me posting this here. Could someone tell me if this is a good way to make a start?

Sleepwhenidie · 06/10/2014 22:52

It is a good start Carrie Smile. Can I ask why only two meals?

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 22:56

I got up really late Blush I sent my dd off to school, then went back to bed Blush I've been suffering with depression and am off work sick, I struggle to get up and face the day.Sad

carriewintermeadow · 06/10/2014 22:57

I hope once I shake off the cravings because there are no forbidden foods I will cut down on the sugar Smile

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