Trapped giving lift to school

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School is a few miles away and students can pay to go on bus or get driven by parents. Back in Yr7 a parent asked me if I could take her DS. We are more acquaintancies rather than close friends. Fast forward to Yr9 and I am stuck with this kid in my car and am beginning to resent it. My DS cannot stand him and moans continually about. He is a dead weight, never says a word and his presence inhibits our natural family conversations. There have been a few instances of him leaving school early and then me waiting for ages for him to turn up because nobody told us or my DS being off school and my DH collecting this kid but not even being thanked by him or him coming out really late after I asked him to be really early - these instances are rare. His mum is always charming and apologetic whenever these instances occur. Even having to turn around my car in the morning to go in the right direction to pick him up is annoying me. They do give minimal petrol money and are always really really grateful. The dad meanwhile is taking other kids to different schools.

I just cannot face telling the mum we don't want to take him anymore as it sounds dreadful and cruel. I am thinking about putting DS on the bus for a term as an excuse and then reverting to lift taking but without telling.

WWYD?

Oh and research shows car journeys are ideal time to engage with children. The lack of eye contact helps. You deserve to have this special time to talk.

CrashBangBoom. That is so, so true about car journeys being an ideal place to chat with your kids. Even now my kids are much older I still find they chat freely when we are driving.

Can't remember specific research (Claire winnacott?) but harry Ferguson talks about it in terms of social work. Its where I've had the best chats with children in work. Movement of car helps the conversation flow.

Thanks for the research info - just had a little Google. I totally agree. I often put on Radio 4 on the journey which will spark up a debate from politics to vocabulary to slippery politicians not answering questions. I can also use the 10 minutes to give DS a pep talk on using PEE paragraphs or appeasing Hitler. Unfortunately, these conversations are inhibited by the presence of this other kid who I suspect has no interest in what we are talking about and who is probably irritated by them. I am beginning to resent "not having this special time to talk".

Try to involve other child in these discussions in an enthusiastic way.
Ask about his hobbies/girlfriends/likes in a similar way.
Soon he will be begging his own mother to stop the lifts.

Goodness me. What a palaver. Just say you can't do it after half term.

Has it really come to this when people cannot make decisions about their own family without taking everyone else in the village into consideration and being shit scared of upsetting anyone?

Get a grip and just tell them.

I would still take to school as you are leaving at a set time and going that way anyway, but I would not give a lift home as by Year 9 kids tend to come out at different times due to after school stuff. Perfectly OK to say that to the parents.

If your Ds isn't at school on a day you are bonkers to still pick the kid up. We offer a lift to another pupil in the morning. If Ds won't be at school we text the night before or even first thing in the morning 'sorry, not going to school today.' The world has not imploded. The other parents manage.

"Hi Othermum. Sorry, but after Easter we won't be able to carry on giving lifts to Sullenchild. I need more flexibility, so this arrangement doesn't work for me any more. Just wanted to let you know now so you have time to make other arrangements from Easter onwards."

She says something in response.

Then just repeat versions of what you already said. Perhaps give a couple of examples of what flexibility means - deciding to cycle if the weather's nice, choosing to get the bus home to build independence, going places after school, that kind of thing. All perfectly valid as they're getting older.