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Original poster

Visitor leaving bathroom in a mess?

30 replies

onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2014 18:37

This has happened twice now. I was out yesterday, dh was entertaining pils and our 2 young dds were at home. fil went to use the bathroom, came back down. Dd1 (9) went up afterwards, dh thought she was a long time so went up. she was in her room, had tried to use bathroom but floor awash with urine and splashed around loo etc.
Fil is able bodied, no issues (such as sight or balance problems) which might mean he did not realise what had happened. he does not do this at home. I have used their (carpeted) bathroom after he has been in on more than one occasion.
dh cleaned up thoroughly after they left...
he did not make any mention of it, let alone apologise or try to clean up.
Not sure how to handle this really, it does put me off inviting them as I think this is awful behaviour.
so as to avoid drip feeding the relationship is not good anyway (for many unrelated reasons).
Wwyd?

OP posts:
kotinka · 26/01/2014 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2014 18:51

yes kotinka, there bathroom is never in this state, in fact mil is very house proud.
I almost think he could be doing it not exactly deliberately, but kind of in an arrogant, careless way. he is disrespectful of us (especially me) generally.

OP posts:
Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2014 19:10

Anyone else? :)

OP posts:

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Families
WeAreSix · 26/01/2014 19:25

My parents stay with us quite frequently. My dad left the loo dirty more than once - my DC's skids I can cope with, a grown mans? Nope.

I waited until we were alone (so I didn't embarrass him) and very casually said that if he needed it, the loo brush was behind the loo and cleaner in the cupboard. I cheekily added in that if he didn't clean it he could use the public loo at the park.

I think I'd make a flippant comment to your FIL. It's not on.

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2014 19:28

thanks WeAreSix. if it was my parent that is what I would do. dh is wary of speaking to fil, their relationship is strained anyway.

OP posts:
CrazyOldCatLady · 26/01/2014 21:22

It's hard to say without knowing more but from what you've said, I'd just avoid having them over again. It does sound very much like deliberate disrespect and if your DH is afraid to say anything, it doesn't sound like a relationship I'd be bothered cultivating.

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2014 21:27

Tbh we had a period of 1-2 years when we avoided having the over. (They are local and general prefer to be visited).
Dd was upset that her grandad behaved like this.
if I had had some sort of 'accident' I would clear up. if I couldn't clear up I would speak to the host in a very apologetic manner.
dd told dh that he should have a word with fil.

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/01/2014 21:31

If they have carpet at home maybe it soaks up the wee

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 26/01/2014 21:33

perhaps I could acquire some off cuts of carpet...put them round the loo when fil visits then chuck straight in wheelie bin when they leave!

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/01/2014 21:43

Or one of those furry mats shaped to go round the loo, then boil wash it when he leaves

TheSkiingGardener · 26/01/2014 21:53

Or how about a lovely, pa, loo mat just for him? " oh you're going to the loo, please, take this mat, it makes it easier to clear up your little accidents"

AnUnearthlyChild · 26/01/2014 22:06

I'd love to call him out on this. Especially if you think it is a respect think.

Bellow 'Oy FIL better not piss on the floor this time'

< disclaimer - I have done this with an in law with a notoriously poor aim. And handed him a cloth and disinfectant. Worked, too>

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 27/01/2014 20:15

Thanks for the replies. I have suggested to dh that if they do come again, and fil goes to the loo, dh will loiter outside (with a cloth!) and confront him if the same happens again.

OP posts:
ScentedScandal · 27/01/2014 20:24

How awfulShock I'm not sure what I'd say tbh. I would be furious if I suspected there could be an element of deliberation about it. What a way for an adult to behave! In what way is he disrespectful to you?

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 27/01/2014 20:28

he is generally confrontational and challenging, whether at their home or ours. mil is a narcissist, he is her enabler. so if she gets offended (for example we might say we cannot visit as the dcs are ill) he will shout at dh for upsetting his mother.
he has a short temper.
also the worst thing is his insistence on trying to hug/kiss me in a kind of 'this is my right as you are my dil" way. makes me very uncomfortable.

OP posts:
PiperChapman · 27/01/2014 20:30

I'd.be suspecting my 9 year old I think

FastWindow · 27/01/2014 20:31

Get one of those twee, PA posters that say ' we aim to please. Will you aim too, please?'

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 27/01/2014 20:33

9 year old dd was definitely not the culprit. she was upset by the mess and went up to use our other loo.
she has no history of wetting the bathroom floor.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 27/01/2014 20:35

Yuk. Just yuk.

I've got a mental picture of a grown man spraying urine around like a fox marking its territory.

Yuk.

And the hugging you thing. Is there any downside to going no contact? I can only see positives...

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 27/01/2014 20:37

We got so close to nc, everything 'blew up' a few months ago and mil ignored us for 4 months. ('Twas fantastic)
if they were my parents then it would be NC no question At all. however I feel it is dh's call and we are back to stilted, uncomfortable 'duty' visits every few weeks.
dh knows my feelings, but ultimately it is his decision I think.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 27/01/2014 21:40

I think in your position I'd be sodding the niceties and calling him out every time - so "must you grope me FIL?" With a world-weary sigh. If it forces the issue and they never want to see you again it's a win

Blu · 27/01/2014 21:45

Has he developed a prostate condition?

Original poster
onepieceoflollipop · 28/01/2014 10:54

Blu, maybe he has, if so he has not told us.
but if he has, surely he does not feel it is acceptable to urinate over a floor (even if by accident) and make no attempt whatsoever to clean it up. so his dgc get to paddle through it. (Which is what would have happened if my dd2 had gone in after him).
even if he couldn't or didn't wish to clean it up himself, he could have discreetly told dh (his son) and apologised.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 28/01/2014 10:56

Personally I wouldn't say anything. If you think it's deliberate I wouldn't have them round again.

myroomisatip · 28/01/2014 19:18

What disgusting behaviour! Shocking when you have children in your home.

No way would he darken my door again.

Flowers
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