So wise ones WWYD - Business and family collisions

[Crikeyblimey]

Hi
I could do with some wise words from non-interested (but very interesting) parties.

you are in an hospitality business with your exP and father of your child. Relationship broken down - reasonably amicable for sake of child. Difficult relationship with his mother (who, whilst not financially involved in the business, is very "interested").

Sil (your brother's wife) works in the business.

Sil has told you (not at a good time - Christmas Eve) that db and her are opening a similar business together with ExP's mother.

Business is not a direct competitor (different towns).

So.

How big a deal is this to you?

Thanks.

I think I might feel somewhat miffed that they hadn't thought to ask me to go in with them rather than ex-MIL. It does seem pretty odd on the face of it.

On the plus side - you're shot of the overly-interested ex-MIL, which sounds like a good thing.

don't have the funds to share their business venture - exMIL does.

This isn't me but a relative and I'm trying to be Switzerland.

Unfortunately, my relative sees this as further entwining her with the exMiL and is reacting very dramatically by suggesting she move to another city, taking small child away from both sets of grandparents and a wider very close family.

I get her hurt but really want to see if she's over-reacting or if I'm too close to see how devastating it is for her.

So is this her db and his wife, sil or exp's sister and brother?

Sorry, couldn't work it out.

Sorry - her brother and his wife with her ex's mother going into a joint business venture.

Her brother's wife has worked with ex mil in the current business but both as employees (well brother's wife as manager and exmil as casual helper in mega busy times.)

Hope she doesn't see this - it's hard not be be identifying without giving clear facts.

I understand why she would be upset... especially depending on how well she got on with her ex's mother, and the reality behind her breakup. She could be feeling like her brother and his wife are "siding" with her ex and his mother.

When you break up, some people really want as many ties to the ex severed as possible. She could see this as building a new tie and one she has no control over (she could go to DB's house for an event and ex's mother is there for example).

I could understand wanting to move away as a way for her to get some control back and stopping herself from being railroaded. She may feel that her DB and SIL may try and put extra pressure on her to be nice to exes mother, or in regard to access of the children etc to prevent awkwardness with their new business.

In my personal situation, I was/am irritated by my siblings being FB friends with my in-laws (and they're still my in-laws as I'm still happily with DH) especially when we had a falling out. I didn't want them having ANY access to my life, or an "in" to talk about me, or hear things about me etc. Not exactly a fabulous relationship.

Thanks. I do appreciate what you're saying and I'm sure that is part of how she feels.

There would not be any chance the exmil would attend family events (well, I'd hope my nephew would not let this happen). Maybe she needs reassurance on this type of thing and that business would be desperate from family life.

I am being gentle with her in the hope that she can process exactly what she is angry about and I will be speaking to my nephew (gently) suggesting he acknowledges to her the difficulties she is experiencing.

Thanks again.

I would be annoyed that ex MIL was 'stealing' the SIL when presumably the business is supporting her son and grandson or daughter.

I'd sell my interests in the company and back out entirely.